The music resonated in the venue. On top of the tables laid plates, glasses, silver cutlery, centerpieces with delicate flowers, swan formed napkins, thank you cards, and candles. People were sitting and chatting happily while the servers went around, offering food to the distinguished guests. Everything had been meticulously prepared for this big night.

A man stood up and raised his glass while clinking a fork against it, he called the public’s attention. He thanked them for attending this special night, he thanked them for working with him for the whole year and lastly, he said encouraging words to the young couple. “To my son Joonmyeon and my wonderful soon to be daughter-in-law, Hye. May your wedding day come without obstacles,” the man finished his toast.

The guests raised their glasses and cheered for the future bride and groom.

Joonmyeon looked around the huge venue, smiling forcefully to the faces he met, hiding his true veneer. He felt utterly bereft and couldn’t help thinking back on the happenings from two weeks ago.

What had happened after Yixing had left? Well, once Joonmyeon and his father were alone, he broke down. Tears of anger and impotence caused by the gruesome turns of events were shed. Joonmyeon had never disliked his father so much as he did now. It was all the man’s fault, if only he had told them the truth from the beginning, then perhaps he and Yixing wouldn’t have fallen; wouldn’t have kissed; wouldn’t have caressed; wouldn’t have loved each other. But at the same time, Joonmyeon cursed him for coming clean. His id urged him to wish that his father had never said a word because as wicked as it might sound, he thought they would’ve been happier living in ignorance. Soon, though, this wish was suppressed, shut down and isolated in some part of him.

The whole mess was out of Joonmyeon’s grasp, he was aware of it, yet they were things he could still control.

“I call off the engagement,” Joonmyeon said after calming down.

His father, who had curiously seemed amused by Yixing’s departure and Joonmyeon’s meltdown, grinned. “No, you won’t,” he said.

“Yes. I’ve had enough of everything. All my life I’ve done nothing but following your rules, living the life you wanted me to. And I’m tired of pretending, following your will, and of putting you and our family name before myself. I’m done here!” Joonmyeon vented.

“If you leave, I’ll disown you,” Mr. Kim threatened.

“Do what the you want. Take away my money, throw me out of the house, I don’t care about anything as long as I’m free. I’m not afraid anymore, I will stand up for myself.”

Before walking towards the door, Joonmyeon gave his father a loathsome look.

The old man sneered. “I’ll make sure he pays for it,” he warned as he saw his son walking away.

Joonmyeon stopped short and turned around. Whatever the man was planning wasn’t good. “Leave him out of this! This is between you and me,” he said, frowning his eyebrows.

“Oh, but it seems you have a soft spot for him… How disgusting,” Mr. Kim snickered, “And I’m serious, I’ll make sure he suffers just as much as you will.”

Joonmyeon looked at him defiantly. “And what the can you do? You don’t have anything against him.”

His father smiled. “You know he’s actually quite talented,” the old man said, “I’ve been keeping a close watch on him since he arrived, but apparently not enough as he was sleeping with you,” he said in disgust.

Joonmyeon didn’t say anything and just tried to tame his rage.

“When I found out he had applied for a spot in one of the most prestigious Chinese music labels, I thought I was going to pay a fortune to let them accept him,” he said and laughed. “But turns out they were certain they were going to choose him… And me recommending him just reassured their decision. Can you believe it? The chauffeur a renewed composer?” he snickered again.

Joonmyeon clenched his fist. He wasn’t a violent person, but right now he wanted to smack his father’s face.

“The point is, one call and he loses his job,” Mr. Kim said and approached his son until he stood in front of him. “I’ll make sure he fails every single interview, every chance he gets, until one day he gives up and realizes the kind of trash he is; the servant he was born to be,” he concluded.

It wasn’t unknown the kind of power his father had, and Joonmyeon was sure the man was going to make sure everything he said came true. His heart ached. Yixing didn’t deserve to be punished. They had already lost each other, so he knew Yixing only had his dream of music left. It didn’t matter if Joonmyeon was going to be doomed. It didn’t matter if he was going to be unhappy, trapped and hopeless. Because it was all going to be worth it for Yixing’s sake. He could live with it, knowing that Yixing was going to succeed. Yixing’s effort won’t be in vain, Joonmyeon thought.

“I’ll stay,” Joonmyeon finished the conversation. He bolted out of the study and ran towards the confinement of the four walls in his bedroom.

Nothing mattered to him anymore. While being together with Yixing, he had learned true happiness. He had felt what true love and being loved was like. Only with Yixing had the rainy days been brighter; the cold autumn warmer; the lonely nights comforting when they talked on the phone; the trivial car-rides special. But everything had lost its value now that Yixing was gone. Joonmyeon could never be happy again. He could never feel love again. At least his existence would have some solace now that he knew Yixing would be living his dream.

As Joonmyeon returned from the stream of thoughts, he continued eating, talking and smiling to the guests surrounding him. Hye followed suit with their façade, beaming at the pictures taken, squealing when they spoke to her about the wedding plans, saying how ‘in love’ she was with Joonmyeon. They were the perfect false couple.

Jongdae, Baekhyun, and Sehun would sometimes stare at Joonmyeon with pity, worry or concern. They didn’t know the real reasons behind Yixing’s departure, nor the motive why Joonmyeon was still going along with the engagement. But Joonmyeon was never going to tell them, he was never going to utter a single word of what had happened to them the day his father had found them. It was a secret he would bury with him. Because he knew nobody would understand, and everyone would judge him for harboring those impertinent feelings.

This is for the best, Joonmyeon told himself.

During the two weeks that had passed, Yixing hadn’t seen Joonmyeon. He couldn’t face him. He had caused so much damage to Joonmyeon, that he knew the other boy despised him for it, just like he hated himself.

On the mean time, Yixing had stayed with Luhan and only told him that they’ve been found out. Nobody would ever know more than that. He already hated himself enough to deal with other people’s judgment. Thankfully, Luhan hadn’t been noisy and seemed pleased with the vague explanation. His friend had even gone to Joonmyeon’s house and brought his things.

Yixing was sitting on the balcony, observing the city, listening to the car’s honks, feeling the cold wind hit his face every now and them, and occasionally sipping his bottle of beer.

Joonmyeon was engaged by now.

Yixing had tried to force himself to not think about what had happened. Recalling the memories was utterly painful, and his self-hatred grew more and more. So, he inhibited every feeling or emotion his brain tried to bring to light. Yet today, he couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous. And that fueled his self-contempt. ‘It’s not right, it’s not right, it’s not right’ had become his new mantra, as if the words would magically eradicate his wicked affection. But it didn’t work, and he still felt miserable. To drown his sorrows and forget everything, he drank. He didn’t usually recur to alcohol, but today was an exception. Yixing needed to forget everything quickly.

“Merry Christmas Yixing,” Luhan said as he took a seat next to him.

“Hey Lu, Merry Christmas,” Yixing replied.

“Also, I talked to my uncles. They said you can stay with them until you adjust yourself. And they can also pick you up from the airport. When was your flight again?” Luhan asked.

“It’s in on the 4th,” Yixing answered and took another sip of his beer.

Luhan patted his friend on the shoulder. “It’ll be over soon Yixing, it’ll be over soon,” he reassured.

Yixing gazed at the city, the nearby buildings, listened to the car honks, felt the cold wind hit his face. He hoped Luhan’s words would come true. Living as he did now was agonizing.