Unaware her mind was already unconsciously waking up. Her questions continued to pop up in her thoughts. She didn’t feel right being alone with Chun in that big house of his. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him or anything…it was just because. Was she wrong for staying at Chun’s in the first place? Why did he have to be the first one to comfort her after her grandfather’s death? Why had he come? Still she was already slowly starting to feel better and recover from the shock of losing her grandfather. Thinking more about it Selina wondered if she was she crazy for hanging onto Chun and being possessive of him. Had she ever had any strong feeling for Chun from the beginning? Maybe she felt thankful and safe around him at certain times, but does that count as having feelings for him? Did that not count as only using him to secure her? Didn’t her heart beat for him a few times? But what was the big difference between him and Jiro? Selina thought for a bit and figured that maybe it was because Jiro always looked for her when he was having problems and she was always looking for him when she wanted a way out. Selina shook her head wondering where she was going with her thoughts.

Maybe if she really did like Chun she wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable, but treasure the moment his mom had left for them instead of running away from it. But instead of taking the chance she was looking for Jiro. Her thoughts drifted again. She just felt glad when Jiro was there, and wasn’t he the one she had really liked from the beginning? Being close to him and seeing him face to face didn’t she feel like she was going to go crazy? Wasn’t he the first person she talked to about her mother and her feelings? Even if he did lie to her Selina had quickly forgiven him didn’t she? Selina shook her head again.

“What am I thinking about? I’m just getting myself confused,” Selina told herself.

Again her questions continued on. Wasn’t she conscious about Ella being Chun’s ex? Didn’t she sympathize with Jiro every time he was frustrated with Chun and Ella? Didn’t she share Jiro’s fear of losing his friendship with Chun and Ella? Didn’t she convince Chun to stay friends with Jiro because she didn’t want to see Jiro sad? For a moment she regretted having slapped Jiro back then, yet she was grateful that he had been there to wake her up.

Selina smiled to herself calmly then her face slowly formed a deep frown. She felt scared for a moment. What was happening to her? Why had she suddenly turned to the point where she was comparing both Jiro and Chun? It was clear to her on the spot that she had just used Chun in order to get better. During the process she had created a vision of love that Chun had fallen into. How would she pull him back out without hurting him or his mother?

Selina bit her lip feeling disappointed in herself. Her self created illusion, now broken by her bombarded thoughts, Selina wondered what kind of mess she had created for herself.

“Am I that crazy?” Selina questioned herself.

Selina sighed as she stared up at the stars. It was on a silent night she’d lost her mother and since then she’d already been left alone. She’d already been alone for a long time…so being alone after her grandfather’s death shouldn’t have been such a big deal to her. Maybe because she hadn’t been mentally prepared…

She’d already survived striving by herself, at that moment Selina felt immensely sorry toward Chun. He hadn’t gone back on his promise to her about never leaving her side, and he’d done his best to cheer her up. Yet, all Selina did was get closer to Jiro. Why? She wasn’t sure...at least not yet.

Selina stopped by the lamp post outside of Chun’s house and squatted hugging her knees to her chest. For a moment she wished her mother was there. She wished her mother was there to console her, counsel her, help her, and talk to her. But the harsh reality had to take away her mother. The part of every child’s childhood that was supposed to be filled with motherly love…Selina had missed out on everything. She felt weak, frustrated, and tired wishing her mother was there to hug her. She didn’t want Chun or Jiro or Mrs. Wu to comfort her, Selina only yearned for her mother.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Jiro opened the door and smiled. His mother sitting up in the hospital bed smiled back. She seemed to have gone paler and gotten much skinnier.

“The nurse called me saying you were being good today so they let me visit you late,” Jiro told. “I brought some flowers.”

His mother smiled with a quiet gasp, “I feel like a young woman now, you know not every old woman gets flowers often, I feel so lucky.”

“Mom, you are lucky,” Jiro smiled.

“What has my son been up to lately?” she asked. “Your father hasn’t been yelling at you and making you work nights right?”

Jiro smiled again, “It’s been ok. I haven’t minded much usually.”

“Why’s that? You get to see your girlfriend everyday right?” teased Mrs. Ren.

“Mom, we aren’t dating,” Jiro replied.

Mrs. Ren smiled, “You’re still so cute. You must bring her in for me to see one day remember that.”

Jiro snorted then laughed. After his short trip to the hospital Jiro returned to his office to find it empty. He felt a little disappointed that Selina wasn’t there anymore, but he quickly reminded himself that it was supposed to be that way. As he sat down a yellow post it note on his desk caught his eye. It read: “Sorry for bothering you and making you mad. I hope to see you smiling tomorrow! Work hard!” Jiro smiled to himself and grabbed a cracker.

*_*_*_*_*_*

“No I’m alright mom. I already ate,” Chun said on the phone, “Selina?”

Selina watched Chun look around as she quietly closed the door.

“She’s asleep right now. She’s been tired lately because of work…I’ll let you talk to her next time. No mom. I’m not being greedy. Really Selina’s asleep right, I’ll talk to you later, bye bye,” Chun said and quickly hung up.

Blowing up his cheeks Chun turned around. Selina smiled when he spotted her.

“Your mother called?” she asked.

Chun nodded. They were silent for a moment.

“Are you tired?” Chun asked.

Selina pressed her lips together and shook her head.

“There’s some food in the kitchen if you’re hungry. I’m feeling tired from today so I’ll sleep first tonight,” Chun told.

Selina kept silent as she watched Chun turn away and head up the stairs. He seemed a little stiff toward her which Selina found unusual. Did she hurt his pride? She could tell something was wrong or something was really bothering him. Selina let out a sigh figuring things would have to be that way if she was going to face her own feelings too.

That next morning neither she nor Chun really talked to each other.

“I’ll pick you up after work,” Chun told then drove off.

Selina watched as his car quickly disappeared and walked into the building. As she greeted her co-workers Selina sat down and slightly turned her head to look at Jiro’s office.

*_*_*_*_*_*

It was the first time Chun had been so unfocused at work. His mind drifted off whenever his secretary was talking to him. The papers sitting in front of him were piling up quickly.

“GM is something bothering you today?” asked his secretary after bringing in Chun’s second cup of coffee.

“No,” Chun replied leaning forward to take a sip of his coffee.

“You look really out of it. I hope whatever is bothering you goes away soon,” his secretary told then started to walk, but walked back to the desk. “Whenever something really bothers me I just go out and face it instead of leaving it to fix itself, just simple advice.”

Chun smiled and watched as the door closed. He swung his chair so that he was facing the large window in his office. Why had Selina ignored him yesterday? The only explanation he had was that either she didn’t like him anymore or she was getting attached to Jiro. Those were the only two answers that made sense. Chun quickly came down to a decision.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Even Jiro was too busy to eat lunch with her now. Selina made her way down with her co-workers and ate a simple lunch with them, but didn’t feel any better. She wanted to joke around and laugh aloud, but the only person who would understand her when she did that would be Jiro. That was the first time since she’d started work that she didn’t see him the whole day.

By late afternoon Chun had called to tell her he was outside waiting for her. Glancing one more time at Jiro’s office door Selina made her way downstairs. Chun was at the front waiting for her in his car. Selina got in and felt the atmosphere change.

“Do you want to cook for dinner tonight?” Chun asked.

“Cook?” Selina asked surprised.

Why all of the sudden?

“You cooked for me before I think I’d like to eat your cooking again,” Chun told.

“Oh…ok,” Selina simply replied.

Chun smiled softly at her and they were off. After stopping by the mart and returning back to Chun’s house Selina set herself busy in the kitchen while Chun helped. Chun chopped up the vegetables sloppily making Selina laugh. That was the first time they had enjoyed a moment by themselves in two days. When the table was prepared and they had begun eating Chun broke the silence without hesitation.

“You like working there don’t you?” asked Chun.

Selina nodded her head stuffing with rice and so on.

“My mom asked you before and I’ve told you to take it into consideration, but I think you forgot about it,” Chun began, “going back to the topic…I would like you to quit and come work with me.”

Selina let out a cough as she choked on her food. She quickly grabbed her cup of water and gulped it down.

“What?” Selina asked not sure if she’d heard right.

Chun stared at her without averting his eyes.

“I would like you to quit,” he told. “I’m sorry I’m not giving you an option, but I just realized that I don’t like you working there.”

“Why not?” Selina asked.

“You went to see him yesterday didn’t you?” asked Chun.

Selina glanced up at Chun silently.

“You aren’t just assuming…” Selina said before Chun cut her off without hesitation.

“You wouldn’t have anywhere else to go…except to go there,” Chun said. “You kept talking about him the first time I took you out to eat so I don’t need to say his name for you to hear do I?” asked Chun. “I take it as my fault that I didn’t tell you earlier, but I don’t like it when you speak about him.”

“Don’t you think this is a little forceful?” asked Selina. “I don’t think this has to do anything with your friend.”

“No,” Chun replied. “You’re my girlfriend, but you still go out to see another man. You wronged me first.”

Selina’s mouth dropped in disbelief at Chun. Had she angered him that much?

“Going to see your friend who is also my friend is wrong?” Selina asked.

Chun stared at Selina who turned away.

“However you take it is up to you,” Chun told. “But I want you to quit either by the end of this week or I’ll talk to Jiro myself.”

As Chun got up Selina felt her appetite fly away. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard also at the same time she wondered if she made him become like that.