CH 14 - Jongwoon
KISMETThere were less calls and texts from Siwon again. He normally gets really low whenever this happens. He always gets affected when the other isn't his usual thoughtful and sweet self. Siwon was a naturally sweet guy. Sweet words and skinship is normal for him and that was one of the reasons which made Jongwoon say yes when the former asked him to date him officially. It was because the younger showered with him with so much attention and affection.
It's not like Jongwoon was deprived of it, but he did not have a mother to smother him with that care and love while growing. All he had was his older brother Heechul. He would never question Heechul's love for him, but it's a fact that his hyung just isn't the everyday-sweet-type as all. Heechul has a unique way of showing his love. It includes a lot of sarcasm, nags and irrationality to show his protectiveness and care. Sometimes it would even border overprotectiveness. It would take a miracle, probably, if he hears Heechul tell him an 'I love you' or even hug him just because.
Jongwoon has had psychiatric meltdowns when he was younger, and until now is always in a shaky mood. He'll wake up real happy and bouncy, but then by the afternoon, he won't feel the need to talk to anyone. When these days arrive, his older brother would just try and make him feel better. The other would arrive with his favorite food, his favorite ice-cream more often that not. Or he'll push him to watch Jongwoon's movie with him in the entertainment room. Heechul does not ask him about how he feels or why he feels that way. But Jongwoon can feel that Heechul is sensitive about his emotions and tries to do things that will somehow make him feel a little bit better.
Nowadays, the usual reason for his mood swings would be his boyfriend. His boyfriend who sometimes seem to disappear from the face of the earth. He would feel bad everytime it happens. Just 2 days ago, when they had their VAS meeting, he sang a really angsty and sorrowful song. It had lyrics which says that he doesn't want to let go of himself.. And that he doesn't want to ruin himself anymore... It was how he felt at those time. Siwon was not paying attention to him, and at these instances he would overthink about everything. What if he is just crazily needy? What if Siwon doesn't love him that much anyway? What if Siwon has someone else at those times that he 'forgots' to contact Jongwoon? All these and more in his little head. Plus he doesn't have anybody to talk to about it. He didn't tell anybody about his relationship because Siwon asked him not to. 'Not just yet', Siwon said. He also doesn't confront Siwon about it. There were lots of things that he hasn't disclosed to the other yet. He never told him that he has to take a drug maintenance to balance his hormones whenever he feels down and depressed. He didn't tell him that Heechul brings him to his shrink (that same one he had since he was young) whenever the older thinks that his sad state has been longer than usual (and the usual is 2 days, tops).
He was thinking of how much long distance relationship is so hard. 'Being in a relationship is already hard, how much more if you are continents away', he thought to himself.
He was in the library now. He was overthinking again, but it's just a break from his studying.
"Trying to memorize something?"
He looked up to the voice who was now pulling a chair in the table he was occupying. "Oh hi Cho, what are you doing here?"
"Is that the way to greet an acquaintance? It feels like you want to shoo me away" the other said with a smirk. That usual smirk he has in his handsome face. Well, he is handsome to be honest. A handsome but arrogant guy.
"Right... So, I should greet you, ehem, good afternoon Mr. Cho Kyuhyun, why are you here in the library? Are you lost?" He used an exaggerated sweet tone and ended it with a smile.
He laughed as he sat across Jongwoon. "I was here to sleep. But then I saw you so... Do you really study? I do not peg you as a studious person", again with a smirk.
"I have to if the subject is a matter of life and death"
"What's that?" He went to the seat beside Jongwoon and took his notes. He then laughed. "This is difficult for you? All these are basic, you should have learned this already in highschool"
Jongwoon took his notes quickly away from the other's hands. "I forgot ok? Plus this shouldn't even be part of our curriculum. I am learning music, why do we have math?" He knew he sounds like a whiny kid right now but he can't help it.
"You're so cute"
Jongwoon looked up and saw Kyuhyun looking at him as well with a smile. "No I'm not"
Kyuhyun seemed to get out of a trance and quickly said, "yeah you're not". Jongwoon just rolled his eyes, while Kyuhyun looked at the notes again and cleared his throat.
"Uhhh, you know what, I can help you with this"
"Really now..."
"Yeah. Are you here everyday at this time?"
"Yeah but... Why would you help? And how can I know that you will be teaching me the right way anyway"
"Excuse me but you are talking to a 3-time Math olympiad. And you weren't paying attention, I already said in the VAS meeting that I am majoring in Applied Mathematics"
"Oh right" Why didn't I remember that?
"Plus I cannot take how pitiful you look a while back just before I came here. It's like you were frying your brains out because of some huge huge problem ---"
"Yah!" He hit him in his arm.
"Why? Haha it's true!"
He then saw Sungmin coming to their table from his peripheral vision. Didn't Kyuhyun see him?
Jongwoon waived. Sungmin waived back.
"Hey Jongwoon-hyung" He greeted as he came to their table. He then kissed Kyuhyun's right cheek, "Kyu..." And Kyuhyun just replied with a "Min..."
"What are you studying hyung?"
"Oh yeah, more of stu-DYING, Math."
"Kyu is actually good in Math hyung"
"One of the best in Korea" Kyuhyun interjected.
"Yeah well, he already boasted about that hehe"
"Hey uhmm, so are you going to stay here hyung?"
"Yep"
"Should we go now Kyu?"
"Right... Uhmm, bye. See you tomorrow" Kyuhyun said as he faced Jongwoon. Sungmin's face crinkled in confusion at that but didn't say anything. He just said goodbye to Jongwoon too.
Jongwoon looked at the couple as they walked away. Sungmin took Kyuhyun's hand. He was jealous at the sight. Probably because they were an out gay couple. It would be great, he thinks, if he can do that as well with Siwon. Wishful thinking. He checked his phone, still nothing from the said guy.
Jongwoon then remembered what Kyuhyun said. See you tomorrow? Tomorrow? Was that brat serious with teaching him Math? He'll just wait for tomorrow then.
And wow... He just realized that he talked a lot today. Maybe he was just feeling a bit better. Plus, he has lots of things to occupy him anyway. There's the club responsibilities as President plus this Math subject of hell. 'It wasn't such a bad day. I do not feel that sad anymore', he thought and smiled to himself.
☁ ☁ ☁
"He seemed genuinely apologetic, he told me he'll try not to be a bother anymore... He seems an ok guy, I guess. Maybe we just really met first in a bad circumstance", Jongwoon explained to Ryeowook. The other was worried when he mentioned that they saw each other in the library, and the younger actually offered to help him in his Math.
"I still do not like him. He's too arrogant." The smaller stood up, looked at his watch and collected his things. "But if you want him to be your friend, then go ahead. Just don't drag me with you if you decide to hang out or what"
"Hahaha Wookie, you sound like you're jealous!"
"I am not hyung!" Jongwoon thought it was cute how the other's face was all red now.
"It's ok Wookie-ah, nobody can replace you as my favorite dongsaeng... You're right, that Cho is annoying, I don't really understand what Sungmin saw in him."
"Right?! How can Sungmin stand that egoistic brat?"
"...but aren't we all just a tad bit of arrogant and egoistic in the club? Haha" All the members in the club are, in a way, arrogant, he thinks. They take pride in being in Vocal Arts Society, and they aren't really silent and humble about it.
"It's different! Plus, we already showed our capabilities by getting our own wins... That Kyuhyun has nothing yet. He is arrogant even if he was still new"
"Yah Wookie-ah, stop your complaining about the guy ok?" Jongwoon was laughing because his dongsaeng was now having a whole anti-Kyuhyun speech up his sleeve. "Your nostrils are flaring! Don't you have to go now by the way?"
Ryeowook realized that he should have went already because he needs to catch a bus home. "Right! I have to go hyung" He was already jogging on his way but then looked back to Jongwoon, "Are you sure you're ok here alone?"
"I'll be fine Wookie go ahead, you might miss your bus!" And with that the younger guy ran.
He was in this part of the University waiting for Heechul. The older actually woke up earlier than usual that morning. He told Jongwoon that they will both take his car to school and they should go home together too. Heechul must have observed that he felt down and sad the past few days. This seems to be one of those things which Heechul thinks he should do to make Jongwoon feel a bit better.
His thoughts was interrupted by a ring on his phone. The screen said 'Siwon'. He sighed and muttered "At last".
He pressed the answer button, held it to his ear, but didn't say anything.
"Woonie baby?"
"..."
"Look I'm sorry I know I was not able to reply back to your messages babe. I am really sorry... My schedule was so crazy"
"..."
"Are you there? Baby please talk to me. I want to hear your voice... Don't you miss me?"
Jongwoon sighed. "... I do. I missed you."
"I miss you more. I really do. I'm really sorry... Aside from the shoots we've been doing here, I also have to make these online assignments the teachers back there are giving me... They're probably giving me more to compensate because I am not there"
"Nah... I doubt that. They also give us lots of homeworks here you know. It's like they were never students at all"
They were already engaging in random talks. There were small laughter from both here and there. But Siwon must have felt that Jongwoon was still not his usual bubbly self.
"Hey, baby"
"Hmm?"
"Are you still mad at me?"
"I won't be talking to you for this long if I still am" Jongwoon chuckled at that.
"But I think you still haven't forgiven me entirely. I know this wasn't the first time babe, but I'm really sorry. I don't want you mad at me anymore, please? I promise you, it will never happen again. Never"
"You promise?"
"Yes, I promise."
Jongwoon smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Don't worry, I am not mad anymore. Just... Sad, you know? This long distance thing is so hard. I want to see you again."
"Soon baby! I'm coming home soon"
"I'm counting on that Siwonnie..."
"Everytime I miss you babe I just look at our pictures"
"Well, my old phone was broken. I don't have our pictures anymore"
"Oh right! Hmmm you know what I'll send you pictures of me right now"
Jongwoon laughed. "What the hell!"
"Why? Don't you want to see my handsome face?" Teasing.
"You're so full of yourself! Who told you that you're handsome?"
"Heeyyy you did! And quite a number of times babe"
"No waaayyy!!! You are imagining things Siwooooonnie!!! Haha"
"No really, cmon, send me pictures to, where are you now?"
"Why"
"Send me ones baby"
"Yah!!!! I'm still at school!"
"I'll just wait for it baby but for now I'll send you mine" his voice was still teasing the other.
"Ughh gross!"
"I know you want to..."
"What's gross, kid?" Jongwoon felt like his soul went out of his body and back when he heard the voice from behind him.
"Oh my god Heebongie! Never scare me like that again I thought I just had a heart attack" Siwon was still on the other line. He heard him ask if he was okay...
"Who are you talking to right there kid? Hey, you look so pale what's wrong with you"
"I'll call you later ok" Jongwoon said over the phone. He then looked at his brother, and glared. "You are the reason I'm like this you scared me to death!"
"Really now... Or you just don't want me to know who you were talking to?" Heechul said, his hands in his pockets, his eyes narrowing.
"W-why could... would that b-be?"
"Who was that then?"
Damn these interrogation. "That's j-just ughh Ryeowook... Yeah he called me up he was at the bus well we just talked in here while I was waiting for you and ughh I don't know he called me up again hahaha I don't know he just, well, he said the man he was seated beside him was gross..."
"You do not have the ability to lie you know that right, Jongwoonie?" Heechul said sweetly. Sweetly but with venom at the same time. His hyung's eyes were piercing. "Do you have by any chance a boyfriend you are hiding from me?"
It's crazy how on point his brother was, Jongwoon thought. Or maybe he already knows and he just want for Jongwoon to personally tell him about it? His face was now contorted with the dilemma of opening up to his brother or not. Siwon would understand if he tells his brother about them, right?
He was about to be honest but then decided otherwise when his brother tried to take away his phone from him. Now they were like kids who looks like they are fighting over a toy. He tried to run away but Heechul was fast and strong.
"Yah giiive me that! I wanna know who you were talking to!"
"No I wooon't and you'll never know!"
"Give it!"
"Pri! Va! Cy!"
"I said hand me that phone or it will get worse for you!!"
"Neveeerr"
Then Heechul started tickling him. "No please noo hahahaha no stop it hyung no please hahaha". His weakness, basically. Other students are now looking at the siblings. Heechul got the phone and tried to look thru it, while Jongwoon sat back again with his head down, embarrassed.
"What's the password kid?"
"Like I'll tell you"
Heechul hurriedly moved towards his brother again, but Jongwoon caught his two hands. They were both laughing like two crazies now. "Please no tickling please hahaha we're at school what will my members think if they see me like this... pleeeaase hyung"
Heechul laughed at this. Then upon observing that his brother was kind of tired already, he gave the phone back.
"Thanks"
"But you know you can't keep your secret from me for long right? I'll find out sooner or later if you're keeping a boyfriend and not telling me..." His voice was menacing. But Jongwoon just tried to hide his grin. Heechul never had an idea up until now, and he was dating Siwon for a number of months already.
"Why are you smiling huh? Huh?" Heechul pinched his nose then hung his right arm in his little brother's shoulder while they walk to the car. "Once I know who this boyfriend of yours is, I'll make his life a living hell. He should have come to me first before pursuing you... That's just the rule"
"See that's why I won't ever tell you about my lovelife because you'll scare everyone away!"
"So you do have a boyfriend now?!"
"I didn't say that hahaha"
"Whatever, I'll know about it soon. I have my ways"
"I hope they're legal"
"Yah! You smartmouth!"
"I just learned from the best haha"
"Yeah, I am the best." Heechul smiled at his brother. "So where do you want to eat kid?"
(End of CH)
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Annyeong!
This is probably my longest chapter yet, right? LOL
I've put in there lots and lost of info about Jongwoonie's life in this chapter. I hope they aren't super heavy to take in. Yes he sees a shrink, like maybe once every quarter. But Heechul makes him an appointment whenever he becomes sad longer than usual. It might be similar to Dysthymia, a type of depressive disorder, but for the purpose of this fan fiction, JW's depression will come from trauma from when their parents died/were killed. So there.
Don't worry though, this character will not be suicidal. That's just a topic that I am very uncomfortable with, as of now. So no, my Jongwoonie won't be suicidal or anything like that. :)
Anyway... hmmm... what do you guys think of the KyuSung moments? Are they to your liking? Or still not enough? LOL. I like writing about the interaction of the 2 best. I'm happy that I am already in this part of my story... KyuSung KyuSung KyuSung since CHAPTER 12! WEEEEE
- TMFG
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