I should’ve expected to have seen Jessica coming, but I didn’t. Only when she emerged from the doors of the hospital elevator did I realize that Kyu wasn’t the only one who received the message. And that wiped the smile off my face completely. Jessica game me an icy stare, then uttered out words that sounded like cold razors:

“You brought this unto him. I’d rather see him die then let him suffer like that – living in a world of darkness!”

 She then shoved a paper bag in my hands and added, “You want to see him, right? Let’s see how far you’ll go before you’ll feel utterly guilty of what you have done!”

She then stormed off, leaving us in an icy atmosphere and a loss of words.

“What did she mean? Wasn’t Donghae up and going already? What’s going on?!” I asked frantically, recovering from the abrupt hostile encounter.

“Calm down, we’ll never know what she means if we don’t see it for ourselves.” Kyuhyun said; his face an identical mask of shock and worry to the one I was wearing.

I agreed without further consent, and then added. “I hope it’s not too bad; for Hae’s sake.”

I was fidgety during the rest of our brief trip in the elevator. Jessica’s words resonated even in the hollow recesses of my skull, making me even more worried by the minute. Finally, when the steel doors parted revealing the familiar hallway of the 19^th floor, I didn’t waste any time in going to Donghae’s room. I didn’t even bother knocking. I twisted the doorknob a bit excessively and wasn’t surprised to find it unlocked. Taking careful steps inside the room, I saw Mrs. Lee crying over a wide-eyed Donghae – conscious, but his eyes were staring in empty space. I half-feared that he was dead.

“Mrs. Lee?! What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I asked directly, confused with the scene in front of me.

Slightly surprised that someone entered the room without her knowing, Mrs. Lee uttered a surprised sound which was somewhere between a gasp and a sob. She looked at me, and her face somewhat lit up in recognition. “Im Yoona, it’s you.”

“Yes, it is me.” Kyuhyun entered the room then stood beside me. “Or rather,” I added, “it’s us. What’s wrong? Isn’t Donghae okay already?” I couldn’t help but notice that my voice went an octave higher than usual.

She sobbed, wiping the tears off her tear-stricken face. “You met Jessica.” she said bleakly, and it wasn’t a question.

“Yoona,” a dismal voice said. How shocked I was to find out that it came from Donghae.

In a split-second, I rushed to his side, “Donghae, you’re up! Thank God. But what’s wrong?”

He shook his head forlornly, as if it would ward off whatever setback he was currently facing.

“Yes, we met Jessica. She came out of the elevator looking flustered and upset. Judging from her looks, things didn’t go very well for her. What’s wrong?” Kyuhyun asked.

Mrs. Lee sighed, “I’m not sure you’re ready to hear this, but Donghae is suffering from more than numerous wounds and a few fractures.”

“What?” Kyuhyun and I asked in unison.

“I’m blind.” Donghae cut in; his eyes empty and sullen; his voice a perfect replica of a man in agony.

We stared at him as if we saw a ghost in hospital clothing. I felt the blood drain from my face, and I couldn’t help but utter a gasp of horror, and Jessica’s ice-cold words echoed in my brain: “ I’d rather see him die then let him suffer like that – living in a world of darkness!”

Darkness – the monotonous word kept repeating in my brain; then out from this word spawned blindness, agony, deprivation and remorse. Remorse – this towered from all my other emotions; an offspring of guilt and regret – remorse. And right now, no words could express how sorry I was to have caused such a great deal of suffering to Donghae.

“Donghae, I-I–“ I stuttered, “I’m sorry! If it weren’t for me, none of this would’ve happened!” I said, tears spilling from my eyes that have grown used to crying these days. When would this charade end? When will this drama stop? It was too overwhelming to handle; it was like someone took all of the problems this world has then bombarded them on me and Hae. What did he ever do to deserve such torment?

“Tch, stop blaming yourself Yoona,” Donghae uttered sharply, “it’s bad enough that I’m feeling sorry for myself; don’t add up to my misery by hearing you feel sorry for me and go blaming yourself for what has happened.”

“But still –“ I started, but he cut me off.

“Look, if there’s someone to be blamed, it’s me. I should’ve not been so careless that night.” he said.

Kyuhyun looked outraged about what Hae said. “You’re as bad as she is!” he said, motioning at me. “You know that wasn’t your fault Donghae, you know that. If there’s someone to blame, it’s that stupid, insolent, careless driver! Gosh, I don’t know how many times I’ve said that already!”

“Still, I should’ve seen that coming.” Hae said, his eyes fixated on the ceiling.

“Seen that coming? Donghae, you’re not psychic, okay? You’re not one of those crazy wackos on television who claim that the end of the world is near! Donghae,” he said, grabbing Hae’s shoulders, “you’re only human. We screw up, we make mistakes. But that mistake was not yours to claim.” Kyu released Hae and turned towards me, “You too Yoona, stop blaming yourself. Stop claiming the one mistake that wasn’t yours for the taking.”

For a while, the air was silent. Then the silence was broke off by someone crying. It was Donghae. Blind as he was, it didn’t stop the tears from coming out of his eyes. The scene alienated me. I rarely saw a guy cry, but never have I seen a blind man cry. It was somewhat hard and pitiful to watch – to see two unseeing eyes draw tears over the fact that they won’t be able to see the sun again.

“Is it permanent?” I asked Hae’s mom.

She shook her head. “No one knows for sure. The doctor said to give it a few weeks at most. He says he’s not sure whether he would be able to cure Hae or not.”

So there was hope. It was there, cast out amidst the darkness, swallowed up by empty oblivion, but it was there. It just sits there, waiting for someone to take it. And perhaps, if only someone would be able to turn on the light, we would find it.

I couldn’t help it. Seeing Hae cry like that was too painful, it was too much for me to handle. Without thinking, I approached him, and gave him a hug. His free arm hugged me back, unyielding and didn’t want to let go. I didn’t show any signs of restraint. I let him hug me; let him spill his sorrows on the fabric of my shirt. It didn’t matter to me. He was hurt. He was like a lonely child whose only comfort were the arms of his mother.