It’s a miracle I haven’t fainted yet. If this was a dream, I wanted to wake up. I wanted to wake up and erase the last few seconds from my memory. I wanted Kyu to tell me he’s kidding and say that he and Hae were just having tea together. I never wanted an accident. I never wanted fatality. As much as I didn’t want it, I had to swallow that grim piece of information which Kyuhyun had just divulged.

“Wh-wh-what? H-how? I m-mean, I-i-is he o-o-okay?" Struggling to stay calm as I was, stammering still got the best of me.

“I’m not sure,” his voice equally anxious but more controlled. “The medics arrived hours ago. They rushed Hae to the hospital in Jong-ro.”

“Oh my gosh.” I said, sobbing. “But we were together just hours ago! How come – Oh God, what’s going on out there?”

“The police are now pressing charges against the driver of the truck. Apparently he was speeding in this kind of weather. The idiot!” I heard Kyu strike something from the background.

“Does Hae’s parents know already?”

“His father’s out here with the cops while his mom is in the hospital. I don’t know about you Yoona, but I’m going. This is so unexpected. I already called my mother and told her about what happened. She already said yes.”

“Wait for me, Kyuhyun,” I said, urgency increasing in my voice. “I’m going with you.”

     Convincing my mom probably was one of the hardest tasks known to man. On any normal occasion, she would usually say no and I would immediately obey. However, when she heard about the incident, she was momentarily moved, but in the end, said no due to the time.

“But mom, I really need to go! It’s urgent!”

“What’s it about this guy that compels you to go anyway? You could go in the morning, it’s Sunday anyway, but not at this time of dawn Yoona! Who knows what will happen to you!” my mom said, slightly agitated.

“Look, I know I may be a little impulsive, but this time, I really mean it mom. You ask me why I need to go, right?” I paused. “Well for one thing, he’s Kyuhyun’s best friend. He helped me get home a few hours ago! He lent me his jacket! He...” I trailed off, on the verge of tears and unknowing what else to say.

“You love him.” My mom interpolated.

“What?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Don’t play games with me Yoona,” mom said sternly. “I’ve been a teenager once too, you know.”

“Mom, please. Kyuhyun will be there, he’ll make sure I won’t do anything stupid. Just please let me go and see if he’s okay. I feel so guilty! If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t end up like that in the first place!” I was really crying now; my recent realization adding up to my misery.

My mom sighed. “I don’t know Yoona, it’s not safe.”

“Kyu will drive me to the hospital mom. Just please.” I cried, looking at her with my tear-stricken face.

Giving out a short sigh, she nodded slowly.

“Thank you, mom.” I said, wiping away my tears.

     Kyuhyun arrived minutes later, worry creasing the outlines of his face. His jolly disposure which I saw hours ago dissipated, replaced by a hard, serious expression. He let me in his car without a word, and gave my mom a gesture of reassurance, a silent way of saying, “she’s safe with me.”

“You’ve been crying.” Kyu put in. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a question.

“Cut it out Kyu. I’m not in the mood for déjà vu right now.”

We drove to Seoul National University Hospital in Jong-ro without further conversation. The chilly night breeze seemed to mock our feelings with its cold embrace. The city lights seemed to lose its warm glow, locking us in permafrost. Neither Kyuhyun nor I said a word along the way. We seemed to share the dreariness of the situation. Our goal now, was just to reach the hospital.

     Out in the horizon, the façade of the National University Hospital slowly came into the view. Finding our place in the parking lot, Kyu and I headed straight to the administration building. Rushing to the nearest counter, we interrogated the clerk about Lee Donghae’s current location.

“Lee Donghae is presently in Emergency Ward J-9. He just checked in three hours ago.” The clerk dictated.

“How can we get there?” Kyu inquired.

“You can take the left corridor of the Emergency building. In there are a set of passages. Just pick the J hallway and you could look for number 9 inside.” She said.

“Thank you.” We said unanimously.

     Following the directions the clerk told us, we left the Administration Building and entered the Emergency building. We sauntered towards the hallway marked with the letter J and pushed open the double wooden doors. Coming to a sprint, we rushed to the 9^th door and reached for the knob. To our dismay, we found it locked. From the glass windows, we saw a number of medical personnel gathered around a hospital gurney which obviously holds Donghae. Kyuhyun knocked the door impatiently. I glanced at my watch. It read one-fifty. “Hey!” Kyuhyun pounded. “Open the freaking door!”

The doctors, rattled by the sudden disturbance, turned around to face the commotion. One doctor turned away from the gurney and started to walk towards the door while the rest resumed with the medical procedure. Closing the door behind him, the doctor removed his surgical mask and faced us.

“May I help you Sir? Miss?” he asked.

“Finally, we’d like to see Mr. Lee, please. We need to see if he’s okay.” Kyuhyun replied immediately.

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t see Mr. Lee at the moment. As you can see, we’re in the middle of treating his injuries here. After this, he still needs to undergo minor and major operations.” The doctor explained.

“It’ll only take a minute!” I cut in. “We only want to see how hurt he is!”

“I’m sorry miss, but our guidelines strictly prohibit visitors during treatment process. But as far as the damage is concerned, his is severely hurt and we still do not know what may be the outcome after the medical procedures. His heart rate is abnormal, but we are doing our best to stabilize it.” He said without a trace of emotion.

I slumped to the ground. “Oh, God. This is all my fault.” I didn’t hold back the tears now. I didn’t have the strength and the willpower to restrain them anymore. Unlocking the floodgates, tears flowed down freely from my eyes.

Kyuhyun looked at the doctor and pleaded. “Please doctor. Just give us some peace. Let us see him just for a few seconds.”

“I’m sorry sir, but it is strictly prohibited. Such interruption could alter the entire medical process.” He waved his hand to a nurse and ushered her to come towards us. “You can wait in the waiting lounge. Nurse Park here will show you the way. Until then, I restrict you from creating any further commotion.” He said that, and then reentered the room without further explanations.

“Come here Sir, Miss. I’ll show you to the lounge.” Nurse Park said.

“This is all my fault.” I repeated, still slumped in the ground.

Helping me unto my feet, Kyuhyun whispered. “You know that’s not true. Calm down Yoona. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

His words were unsure, but reassuring. However, something told me things were just about to get worse.