Nurse Park was trying her best to reassure and comfort us, but kind words never seemed to erase nor even have the slightest effect on the dejected looks on our faces.  Giving up, she left us two cups of tea which she left for us to drink. The tea gave me minimal warmth, coupled by slight comfort. But these were nothing compared to the overwhelming burden of guilt that I felt deep inside.

“This is all my fault, Kyuhyun.” I said for like the hundredth time.

“You know that’s not true Yoona. If there’s anyone to blame it would be that stupid car driver.” Kyu said.

“Yeah, but I’m to blame why Hae got involved with that accident. If he would’ve stayed in the party like he should’ve, he wouldn’t end up like this.” I said, tears starting to form again.

“Stop it, Yoona. Blaming yourself would only hurt Donghae even further. If he heard you, he’ll agree with me.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. I was just so fatigued, so tired, so emotionally depressed it would take all my energy to think straight. “I’m tired Kyu. I can’t make sense of what I’m feeling anymore.”

“Here,” Kyu said, grabbing the nearest pillow. “Sleep. You’ll need it. I’ll wake you up when it’s over.” He placed the pillow in his lap. I managed to blurt out thanks before willingly lying my head on the pillow. I outstretched my feet on the sofa we sat on and it wasn’t much of a problem because aside from Kyu and me, they were only few people in the lounge and there were still a lot of seats. Unconditionally and almost effortlessly, I drifted myself to sleep.

*                                                                             *                                                                             *

(Note: this part would seem more dramatic if you play Super Junior’s “A Short Journey” while reading)

“I’ll wake you up when it’s over.”

“I’ll wake you up when it’s over.”

“I’ll wake you up when it’s over.”

Kyuhyun’s last seven words resonated even in the murkiness of my sleep. My eyes searched, looking for something to see, but there was none. Darkness reigned supreme here. There was nothing to see, nothing to hear but those seven words. “Stop it!” I screamed. “Just stop it! Please!”

Then, out in the darkness ruptured a bright light. The light intensified, swallowing every last piece of darkness, blinding my vision. I closed my eyes, but the brightness burned brightly, even under my eyelids. The light diminished, little by little, and then it was gone. I opened my eyes, and was surprised to see what lay in front of me.

Donghae was in a gurney, a team of medical personnel dragging it into a room in a distance. For some reason, I had the impulse to follow it. Rushing towards the rolling gurney, I had a clear look on Donghae’s face and I gasped. He was tattered, bloody, had a lot of bruises and was unconscious. “Hurry up!” a doctor screamed. “We’re losing him! My heart sank. No, I thought. He will survive. He will. He must!

Entering the room marked ICU, the team quickly dispersed and did their duties.

“Clear his airway!” said one.

“Loosen tight clothing!” said another.

“Get the electrocardiogram!” said another.

A medical device that must me the electrocardiogram was brought to the gurney immediately.

“Remove his upper clothing! Hurry!” screamed the doctor.

Immediately, they stripped off his upper clothing and placed some wires on his chest. On any other occasion, I might’ve considered this highly appealing, but now wasn’t the time. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid that it will explode.

The electrocardiogram was the scope that shows lines to represent a patient’s heartbeat. From what I’m seeing, Hae’s heart was close to failing.

“Oxygen! Hurry!”

I can’t bear to watch this. I was seeing the man I loved die. I know I should step out, walk away and forget this ever happened, but I couldn’t do so. Instead, I walked up to the gurney where Donghae lay. The doctors didn’t seem to notice me and I wasn’t complaining. I needed all the time I could get.

I touched his hand, and it felt so cold. Tears were starting to form again. “Oh Donghae, what have I done?”

Hae’s eyes fluttered, but I didn’t notice. Only when he called my name did I turn around.

“Yoona,” he said weakly, his voice sounded like dry autumn leaves being crushed. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh Donghae, don’t say that! You’ll make it through! You’ll survive. Believe me!”

He laughed a rather weak laugh followed by a cough. “I wish I was that certain.” He whispered.

“Don’t leave me Hae. I need you too much.” I sobbed, my tears falling into the white hospital fabric.

“Don’t cry Yoona. You still have so much life left in you. Live it happily for me, please.” He took extra effort in saying the last word.

“Don’t sound like you’re going to die. You’re going to live, Donghae. You will! You will!”

“I love you Yoona. That will never change. Even if the world shall end, even if all the colors will fade, you will remain. You’re the only color I need in my rainbow, remember?” he said, smiling weakly.

“Stay by me Donghae please. I couldn’t live this life without you.”

“I will Yoona. I will be with you wherever you…” he coughed “wherever  you go… I love you.” he trailed off then fell unconscious.

“No! Donghae!” I screamed, tears pouring from my eyes like lava off a volcano.

Behind me, the medical people were moving around in haste.

“Hurry up! We’re losing him! Get the defibrillator! Quick!”

I had no idea what a defibrillator was and I didn’t care. All I care about is that the man I love is holding on unto his last seconds of existence.

The nurse brought out the defibrillator which was apparently one of those instruments used in the movies that produce a slight electrical shock once the patient is unconscious and has a faltering heartbeat.

I didn’t care. I was too busy crying to notice that he was being shocked in hopes that he would rise again. I looked at the electrocardiogram and saw that his heartbeat was slowly returning, but would be gone again. I know I shouldn’t expect, but I prayed that he would be safe; that he would still have the chance to return home. After a few more shocks, the doctor gave up, setting aside the instrument.

Silently, the doctor said, “May God help you in your journey now.”

He said that, and the screen flashed a straight purple line, emitting a low hum. I burst into tears. Screaming, crying, and thawing all my frozen emotions. I didn’t know what good it would do now that he is gone. I felt a light tap on my shoulder and found Kyuhyun behind me.

“It’s over.” He said grimly.

*                                                                             *                                                                             *

“Yoona, wake up!” I heard Kyu shout.

I stirred, awakening from my slumber. “What?”

“Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep.” He asked, worried.

“I guess. I was just having a nightmare.”

He sighed. “That’s good.” Then he paused.

“Yoona, it’s over.” He said quietly.