After the day that Yuta got mad suddenly, I never saw him again not even a single hair of his.

I even begged Winwin to tell me where was Yuta since he was his roomate but he always refused and tried to run away from me.

These past few weeks, I was stressed and my eyebags got even darker each day.

I sighed deeply and back to writing my essay on the study table.

" Kun, Taeil texted me if you want to a movie with him because you wont answer your phone " Hansol said as he scrolled messages on his phone.

I sighed again as I felt irritated for some reason, " Ugh! Tell him I am busy okay?! " I accidentally yelled made Hansol looked at me.

" so now you mad at me? You know what?! I am so disappointed at you Kun! " Hansol shouted in anger as he stood up from his bed.

His gaze held rage, " Yuta! Yuta! Yuta! Is that what your mind only think of?! What about us Kun? Your bestfriends?! Even you abandone Taeil for god sake without telling him a reason WHY?! " with that Hansol left the room after he slammed the door shut made me flinched.

What had I done?..

I realised that when I worry about Yuta, I slowly drifted away from them.

I have to apologise especially to Taeil because I broke our promise without me knowing.

" .. even in a hard time we face "

" What if its too late? " I asked myself when my fingers touched the door knob.

The question made me frozen in my spot as I replayed it over and over again in my head.

I didnt want to experience that again. The feeling of despair as I desperate to escape.

From the past that always hunting me and the nightmare that repeatedly crawled into my sleep.

" You are still alive loser? This guy is tough! Let hit him again "

" Ugh! Why dont you just die? You are just a trash! "

" Eww! Dont get too close to me! Disgusting person! "

" You make all of us look bad! Go away! "

" Die! Die! Just die already! "

I slapped my cheeks hard to wake me up and unknowingly a tear fell from my eye.

I soon realised I was crying and suddenly lost my balance made me kneeled on the floor.

Damn it! I thought I already forgot about the past but guess not! Ha!

Looks like I was belong there all along and I was a fool to believe that I actually escaped from it.

Reality

I chuckled sadly and wiped my tears away with the sleeve of ny hoodie.

" Well, this is really too soon for this day to come " I said to no one and laid on the floor with a sigh.

Really to soon

Unfortunately, I already too attached to the guys

I hid my face as I cried until my hands became wet just like my cheeks.

I heard the door opened but I was too deep into my emotion to care.

" Kun?! What the fudge are you doing dude?! Did you hit your head or something? "

I sniffed, " Taeyong is that you? " as I peeked from the small hole.

He scoffed, " no its santa " he sarcastically answered and crouched beside me.

" Now, tell me why are you crying like a baby? " he asked as he showed me his mocking smile.

I sniffed again, " because I was scared " I hiccuped and wiped my tears.

I heard him chuckled, " and why did you feel scared? " he asked me

I bit my lips as I debated if I should answer him honestly or changed the topic.

" Uhh.. I dont want to talk about it " I answered with a broken tone and faked a sob to avoid suspicion.

" Listen here you cute potato " he said and pried my arms away from my face made me widened my eyes.

I tried to cover my face again but he was too strong.

" Dont look at me! I am in an ugly state right now! " I shrieked as I felt embarrassed made him laughed.

My eyes were probably swollen and puffy, and my cheeks would be red and filled with tears trace.

He flicked my forehead, " you thought something horrible dont you? Like we left you and all of that.. "

I gasped, " How did you know that? " I asked him in shocked.

Taeyoung rolled his eyes, " Duh~ I know you for too long thus I am your first friend remember? Geez! " he sighed

" besides, I kind of accidentally read your diary when we were in 2nd year of highschool so yeah.. bleh.. sorry " he continued with a playful grin.

I was furious, " How dare you?! Hmph! " I huffed and faced away from him.

He laughed, " Well I was worried okay and you never tell me anything! " he pouted

I rolled my eyes and sighed, " Fine! Help me stand up " 

Taeyoung help me to stand up straight as he held my both hands while I held his.

" Hansol wants to apologize for yelling at you " he said when we left the room.

I smiled, " Well its kind my fault actually so I am not mad at him "

Then, I saw Taeil in the hallway while holding his phone on his ear.

" Taeil ah! Can we talk? " I called out his name and ran to him leaving Taeyoung behind.

Taeil looked so shocked when he saw me but then his eyes turned rage and hatred made me halted.

" Stay away from me and dont tak to me ever again alright? You broke the promise " he said coldly made me speechless.

" No wait! I am sorry okay?! Please just give me a chance! " I desperately tried to convinced him that I wont betray his trust again.

I opened my arms wide as I blocked his way when he was about to leave.

" Listen Taeil! I am really really sorry! And- "

He walked passed me but I managed to hear the words I dreaded the most.

" Our friendship is over "