(so sorry for the caps lock i don't know how to get rid of it -cakedae)
TITLE (4/5)
THE TITLE WAS A BIT MISLEADING SINCE LOOKING AT IT IN FIRST GLANCE, YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT'S ACTUALLY A MODERNIZED VERSION OF CINDERELLA. I'LL GIVE YOU KUDOS FOR THAT, SINCE IT DID NOT REVEAL MUCH, YET IT SURPRISINGLY HAS GREAT CONNECTION WITH THE PLOT.
BUT IF I WERE TO BE A NORMAL READER LOOKING THROUGH STORIES, THE TITLE WOULD HAVE NOT CAUGHT MY EYES.
DESCRIPTION/FORWARD (8/10)
THE DESCRIPTION WAS ALRIGHT BUT QUITE FRUSTRATING. IT WAS GOING GOOD, REALLY, YOU WERE DESCRIBING THEY WERE ENEMIES BLAH, BLAH, BLAH BUT THEN SUDDENLY YOU JUMPED INTO TALKING ABOUT THESE FOUR EVENTS THAT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH GOWNS AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT? IT WAS A GOOD START, BUT I DIDN'T LIKE HOW YOU ENDED IT. IT SEEMS SO NATURAL BUT THEN ABRUPT. I THINK A FEW DESCRIPTIONS BETWEEN THE CATS AND DOGS PART AND THE BALL PART WILL DO.
THE FORWARD IS OKAY, I GUESS. I MEAN, THERE'S THE CHARACTERS, THE DEEP PARAGRAPHS AND ALL THOSE GIZMOS. I PERSONALLY LIKE HOW YOU JUST PUT THE PICTURES OF THE PROTAGONISTS, THEIR NAMES AND NOTHING MORE. I DON'T LIKE HAVING IT SPOILED FOR ME, AND I'M QUITE GLAD YOU DIDN'T DESCRIBED THEM OR SAID THEIR PERSONALITIES IN THE FORWARD AT ALL. IN THAT WAY, THE CURIOSITY WILL REMAIN.
PLOT (18/20) -
I WAS HONESTLY BORED WHEN I SAW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT THEN I SAW THAT YOU'RE USING A CONTEST PROMPT, SO LET'S SEE HOW YOU STAYED TRUE TO YOUR CHOICE. THE PROMPT WAS CINDERELLA AND I WAS KINDA GLAD THAT YOU ONLY APPLIED THE SHOES PART. MAKING THEM ENEMIES WAS PURE GENIUS! IT WAS A GOOD TWIST TO THE STORY, REALLY. CINDERELLA AND PRINCE CHARMING COULD LIVE OFF FIGHTING.
NOW, THE BELIEVABILITY. WAS IT REALLY DARK IN THE PLACE THAT CHAE MI DIDN'T RECOGNIZED EUN WOO? AND IF IT WAS INDEED THAT DARK, THEN HOW COME SHE DIDN'T RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE? I'M PRETTY SURE THAT ARGUING WITH HIM EVERYDAY WILL MAKE HIS VOICE INTACT TO HER BRAIN. ONE LAST QUESTION BEFORE WE MOVE ON TO THE NEXT SECTION, WHY IS THERE PINK LACES TIED IN HER KNEES OR LEGS?
CHARACTERS (24/30) -
I'M NOT LYING WHEN I SAY THAT YOUR CHARACTERS AREN'T CONFUSING THE JAMS OUT OF ME. I FIND THEM QUITE INTERESTING, ACTUALLY. I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE READING THEM FIGHT. I CAN SEE THE OOZING CHEMISTRY. THERE WAS ONLY ONE THING THAT RUINED THAT UNDERSTATEMENT- WHY DID EUN WOO SUDDENLY BECAME INTERESTED IN CHAE MI? SURELY, I'M SURE THE READERS WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT.
LET ME TELL YOU ANOTHER THING I FOUND INTERESTING IN YOUR CHARACTERS. CHAE MI SKIPS CLASSES, I UNDERSTAND SHE LIKES DANCING, BUT I REALLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE'LL SKIP CLASS FOR IT. I MEAN, SHE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO FINISH HER HOMEWORK, AND THAT'S A SIGN OF A DILIGENT STUDENT, THEN AGAIN, SHE SKIPS CLASSES, THAT'S A SIGN OF A SLACKER. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHERE TO CATEGORIZE HER AT.
SINCE YOUR STORY IS ONLY STARTING TO UNRAVEL ITS SECRETS, I AM ASSUMING YOU HAVE THE ANSWER ON THE OR MAYBE IN THE ENDING.
SETTING (6/10)
THIS PART NEEDS MORE WORK. I GOT LOST IN A FEW PARTS OF YOUR STORY, I'M NOT GONNA LIE. I THINK YOU SHOULD DESCRIBE THE SETTING MORE, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN THEY WERE ON THE BALL, I ASSUMED THEY WERE IN A HALL, NOT THE OUTSIDE OF A SCHOOL. DESCRIBE THE SETTINGS MORE
I'LL GIVE YOU A TIP, THINK OF A PLACE THAT IS DEEMED PROPER FOR THE SCENE.
MECHANICS (13/15)
FLOW
THE FLOW WAS A BIT ABRUPT AT SOME PARTS. LIKE WHEN CHAE MI AND TZUYU WERE TALKING, I COULD HAVE SWORN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL AND NOT IN TZUYU'S BEDROOM. THIS IS KINDA CHAINED TO THE SETTINGS.
I NOTICED THAT THE FLOW CHANGES TOO. SOMETIMES IT'S TOO FAST, SOMETIMES IT'S TOO SLOW. WHY NOT TRY THE NORMAL PACE?
GRAMMAR/VOCAB
I WAS PRETTY MUCH SHOCK THAT I DIDN'T ENCOUNTERED ANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. YOUR STRUCTURE OF WORDS WERE SHEER DELIGHT!
MISC. (8/10)
ENJOYABILITY
I PRETTY MUCH ENJOYED THE FEUD BETWEEN CHAE MI AND EUN WOO. I ENJOYED TH CHEMISTRY OOZLING IN THEM, ALTHOUGH I DO WISH YOU CAN 'POP' THAT CHEMISTRY MORE.
SATISFACTORY
I CANNOT JUDGE MY SATISFACTORY FOR THE ENDING AS YOUR STORY IS STILL ONGOING. HOWEVER, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO HOW IT WILL END.
Chapter 15: Hello! I'm so sorry this has taken me as long as it has to pick up and comment on the poster. O.o Please let the artist know I really do appreciate it. And I very much enjoy the results. It's not as dark as the first image and I really appreciate the step away from that. I like the red text for Friday since it gives off this kind of horror vibe, and that's excellent for the purposes of this story. It's not an actual horror but it does have horror elements I'd say. The city in the background is awesome and I really like that clock in the foreground with the quote just sitting in the face there. Very nice touch! Admittedly, I was unsure about L.Joe's picture at first, but it has since grown on me. I like the way he's actually taking his glasses off (I can think of plenty of symbolism for that ;) haha). Changjo and Cap are pretty excellent though. I will say. That look on Changjo's face is perfect, and that streak of red in his hair is quite fitting, I must say. I like the skulls in the background of the foggy mist just hanging over everything and it all gives off an appropriately dystopian feeling. So thank you again to YongShiShiGuk. I will finally pick up and credit the shop! Thank you! <3
