a second shot home ➳ sehun

Title 3/5:

• First of all, I'm not sure why you included that symbol of an arrow and Sehun in the title. I am personally a little bit turned off by that because visually, it does seem cool and lively, but at the same time, I think it also seems to take away the overall professionalism of the story. In my opinion, the title itself would be perfect if it was 'a second shot home' because one, that would not be a generic title at all; and two, I can clearly see the connection between the title and the storyline even though there have only been four chapters so far. Hence, I'm really interested in your reasoning regarding that.

Description/Foreword 10/10:

• I don't have any words to add besides the fact that to me, the description is just right. You made it short and clear at the same time. You wrote it in a way that revealed just enough basic information for the readers to digest the general idea of your story; but if they want to know better about the events or the reasons for Hyunji and Sehun being described as the way they are, the readers will definitely have to click on the next button. Also, I love the seeming contradictory shown between Hyunji and Sehun in the description as before I even start reading anything, it still gets me thinking about the potential conflicts which are to appear in the story.

Plot 12/20:

• I don't think the plot, at least for now, is that original. There are many stories out there with the storyline of how a certain character is broken because he/she thinks that his/her significant other has definitely hurt him/her; and that grudge would go on for days, weeks, years even until another side of the story is revealed. Though, on the bright side, the story has just started and from the way it seems, it is not ending anytime soon either since otherwise, there would be so many questions left unanswered and possibilities left unexplored; so, I'm really excited to see how the upcoming chapters will revolve around the solutions to those conflicts the characters have brought up.
• As for how believable the story is, for the most parts, I particularly don't have a hard time believing the things happening in your story at all. In addition to that, I love how there are some certain scenes which effectively link the plot together—as in you didn't write them just for the sake of writing or simply forcing things to happen. For instance, the reason why Hyunji had to go back to her hometown and well, eventually ended up meeting Sehun for the second time—that was realistic, and I can definitely see that happening in real life.

Characters 16/30:

• First things first, I absolutely adore your writing voice. Sure, there aren't many fancy words here and there, but I think that in some parts, you did describe the scenes or certain emotions in such descriptive ways that I could almost clearly feel everything the characters felt. Besides that, I like how your choice of vocabulary somehow seems to really reflect on the plot and the generally down-to-earth setting of the whole story. 
• As for the characters, it is really nice that I get to see and comprehend everything from two different angles; because for example, in chapter two if you hadn't revealed Sehun's background from his own point of view, I would have thought that Hyunji's decision to just resent—for the most parts, at least—Sehun simply without trying to think of it in a more logical way was too unreasonable. But then, I started to know about Sehun—which made me able to relate to Hyunji's decision and thoughts as a woman.
• Regarding the character development and aliveness of the characters, I can only comment a little bit on the main ones, Sehun and Hyunji since the story hasn't progressed much. For them, from chapter one to three, I do feel that they are alive as I can understand their slow but steady development whenever they encounter various situations or well, one another especially. However, for the latest chapter, I don't quite get the sudden change to Hyunji's personality. I mean just the night before she did mention that she wouldn't be emotional or weak in front of Sehun anymore, and you probably wanted to incorporate that into the story, but as a reader, I think Hyunji is not strong enough to handle it that way yet. You should have elaborated a bit more on her awkwardness or at least could have shown her efforts of trying until she would be finally calm enough around Sehun to act as if nothing was wrong. Though, again, there are more chapters to come, so I still could be wrong about her decision at that moment. 
• And for future chapters, I suggest that you don't make things happen too fast, so that the characters can realistically comprehend their thoughts before they decide to take actions.

Setting 10/10:

• So far, I really am in love with your take on the setting of the small humble city of Tongyeong. I'm definitely looking forward to more of this.

Mechanics 13/15:

• For the most parts again, everything was neither too slow nor too fast. I could go from one chapter to another easily. 
• I didn't spot any serious grammar errors except a few places in which you mixed up tenses. Please be careful of that.

Misc 8/10:

• Despite some of the problems I pointed out, I really enjoyed reading and reviewing your story. Keep up the good work! 
• And although there have been only four chapters so far, I surely like the way the story is progressing. I am also really looking forward to more chapters from you as I want to quickly find the answers to all the questions as soon as possible.

Total: 72/100
--I'm sorry if you were, in any ways, offended by what I said. I promise I only did what I did with the intention and just one intention of helping you improve your story.
--And this is kind of random, but I wonder why did you write your title and your description without capital letters? Not that I had any problems with that.
--Finally, please don't hesitate to leave any constructive comments regarding my review. Thank you for choosing Cheesecake!

--charmingusta