check out the collection of drabbles here and the specific drabble is located here:D

for douxsoleil:

Title (5/5) -

• The title matches the story really well, seeing that it isn't the typical I-fell-in-love-at-first-sight-without-getting-to-know-you short story and it's really unique. Hands down to the short- but precise and creative title.

Description/Foreword (7/10) -

• Since it's a drabble in a collection, sadly that takes away the opportunity to get immersed through a description or a foreword. Again, - since it is a drabble - I'd like to interpret the first few paragraphs of the story as your 'I'm pulling you to read this' mechanism which is exactly the point of a foreword and description. Let's talk about that.

• The first part (specifically the first 2 paragraphs) is really abstract, the first one having a theoretical question that can get readers thinking and then it becomes interesting. Then, it's followed by Yeri's entrance and the next two paragraphs seemed a little -- just a little -- slow to me (except for hansol's entrance there). It's prolonging the initial progress of the story at the beginning when the first 2 paragraphs have already stimulated a lot of thoughts to the reader and as an easy-going type, it's too much work for me since all I've been thinking about is 'what's next? ; what now?'. If that's what you're aiming for though, I'd say you did a really great job nevertheless.

• Overall, the hook was strong. For me, that's the sole purpose of a description/foreword. Hooking the reader to your story. Since it was a drabble, too bad you couldn't make a proper one for it.

Plot (19/20)

Originality (9/10) -

• Definitely original. I've never read anything like it yet, except for the boy-rescues-girl idea but everything was told really differently. I love the fact that it's not written the generic way, as I'd like to call it.

Believable (10/10) -

Totally BELIEVABLE. The choice of words and style of writing made it believable and I didn't have a hard time grasping to and immersing myself into their world. Great job.

Characters (30/30) -

Voice (10/10) -

• I just want to point out how you've been using the narrative voice to let the reader understand the character's voice and it's definitely working. I'd love to read a story of yours with an actual POV.

Development (10/10) -

• Since it's just a short drabble, the characters don't have that much to develop with but I'm pretty contented with how they are. They speak reality, and that's very important for the main idea of your story.

Personality (10/10) -

• Personality-wise, I don't have any problems with both yeri and hansol. It is really written well and explained well: what they are and who they are. Here are a few things I'd like to point out:

• It's not really unique to have a guy with an attitude like hansol's in this type of setting but I most definitely liked yeri's personality. It's not the common 'oppa rescued me and now I like him instantly and I blush all the time' type, which is really enjoyable, IN MY OPINION, to deal with.

Setting (10/10) -

• The setting in the story is well-built and very well supported in the characters' dialogues. I like that very much.

Mechanics (12/15) - 

Flow -

• Like I said, I felt like the beginning was dragging me and torturing me sweetly with curiosity but other than that, it went by swiftly without further delay. The turn of events were true to the idea, very realistic and was easy to follow.

Grammar/Vocab -

• I have no problem with your grammar but since there's no other place to say this, I'll put it here. With all means, I want you to know that this is my opinion alone and that I don't mean anything personal and I still think it's a very detailed and polished story. So, to cut the chase:

• The choice of words were fantastic but the more it carried on, I started to wonder: how are readers with low vocabulary skills going to read this artwork without a dictionary? Since I am not a native speaker of English, I always felt that way in my earlier days of reading and writing. I really appreciate the unique and deep words you put into it, but you should also put into consideration when making other stories in the future that not everyone will be able to understand such lavish choice of words easily, thus creating a burden or a hindrance to fully enjoying a finely-made story.

• Though, for this type of story and idea, that choice of vocabulary works. I just thought about it in a greater scale, no need for you to be put down by it. :) Also, I love that everything is in lower case. It makes it look visually attractive and if you think about it deeply, it adds a lot meaning to the whole effect of the story.

Misc. (10/10)

Enjoyability -

• I enjoyed it very much and I did not feel like it was a waste of my time. Thumbs up for that!

Satisfactory -

• I am totally satisfied with how the drabble ended. I didn't want them to have a relationship instantly after one walk around town, that's just too surreal. Either they ended up with rated stuff, or the ending you chose. No other ending would have matched this story in my opinion.

Total (93/100)

Overall, I enjoyed the story. Here's a summary of the things I loved and some that I thought just needed a little more work.

• -I love the theoretical question at the beginning. It's perfect for a drabble without a proper description/foreword.
• -I love how the setting was built without hesitation and how the characters blended in perfectly. Their personalities were realistic, so was the ending.
• -I think the opening was highly stimulating, but a little (just a little) draggy.
• -The lavish choice of words was obviously intentional for this case and somehow that's what makes the story pop and shine from the rest, but also keep in mind that it is not advantageous for every type of reader. It depends on the audience you are aiming for, which worked for this one nevertheless.

-BrokenWinged would like to send you a warm hug for trusting our shop with your review! I hope you are just as satisfied with the review as I am with your story!

~Brokenwinged