Something Like Love

Title (2/5) - Something Like Love does sound nice, but I don't think it contains any unique appeals that would catch the readers' attention. As for how much it relates to the story, so far—this could just be me—but its connection to the plot doesn't really stand out because the title is too straightforward as romance is obviously the center of your story.

Description/Foreword (6/10) -

-Description: first of all, I'd like to point out that there are two tenses in the description; so I suggest editing it to either present or past. If we look past the grammatical mistakes however, I love the description because it is simple, straight to the point without revealing much at the same time. As an example, there is mention of how the main character likes to be alone and simply doesn't care about the rest of the world—which makes me wonder just what exactly makes her become that way? Also, I love the question at the very end of the description because the answer cannot be predicted unless you get right into the story.

-Foreword: there are times readers could clearly find spoilers in characters' profiles as they basically reveal the whole storyline. With your characters' profile, besides the part where it says Sora has a crush on Jimin, there is nothing else that really reveals parts of the plot. Hence, I suggest erasing that particular sentence. Also, this is just a personal opinion; usually, I am not a big fan of characters' charts because I love to learn about the characters by myself as I read the story—that just makes things interesting and keeps me attached to the story. But like I say, of course, people have different opinions—so I wonder why did you decide to put up the characters' profiles there?

Plot (12/20) -

There have been six chapters so far, and this is what I have gathered from the story: basically, the main storyline revolves around the potential romance around a girl named Sora who doesn't seem to be interested in love again after Jimin—her middle school crush—once rejected her confession. Then, they've reunited in high school, and Sora changes mentally and physically while Jimin seems to be interested in her again.

-Originality: according to what I have gathered from the plot so far, there is not much originality in it. There are many stories out there with this similar concept of high school romance going on between the popular boy and the seemingly quiet, reserved girl who once had her heart broken by him. Though, as I am assuming that the story still has many chapters left, I am still looking forward to the potential twists in the future chapters.

-Believable: the believability in Something Like Love only extends to some certain degrees; not every scene and part of the story is all believable. First of all, as it is mentioned in the very first chapter, I understand Sora's attempt to stop herself from being attracted to Jimin because he literally rejected her in middle school because of her appearance—which I might add, wasn't an okay attitude at all. However, the part where Jimin suddenly becomes interested in her again is quite rushed that it makes the whole idea become unrealistic and too scripted. Also, I find it weird that Sora's best friend, Na Eun, seems to always tease Sora and tries to get Jimin and her together; because as far as I remember, there is actually a flashback of her trying to stop Sora from confessing to Jimin, so she must have done that because of reasons. In addition, this could come off as a personal opinion, but I find it a bit strange that Sora's mom seems to be calm and okay if Sora decides to confess to Jimin once again. I mean, you do mention that her mom is quite laid back about everything, but as a mother, shouldn't she at least be angry or upset that Sora was rejected by a jerk who only cared about girls' appearance?

Actually, most of the things that make certain parts of Something Like Love become unrealistic also have to deal with the way you write certain characters as well as the flow of the story. Hence, I will elaborate on that more in those sections.

Characters (12/30) -

-Narrative's voice: I find it hard to imagine the scenes playing in my head since your writing style mostly includes dialogues and not much of the descriptions and details surrounding the characters and the environment they are in.

-Development: I will only focus on the characters that appear the most.  

+Lim Sora: from the beginning, Sora simply appears to be this reserved girl who doesn't care much about people around her because she seems to only read books and hangs around her best friend, Na Eun. Besides that, like Jimin says, she's practically by herself most of the times. Then, there is not much of her character’s developing except the fact that now her heart seems to be magically softened by Jimin, and that's it. I use the word magically because the way her character develops to be that way is quite rushed that I don't get to really understand the reasons behind that personality growth. Even so, that idea doesn't stay consistent as Sora seems to absurdly go back and forth between being comfortable with Jimin and then back to being awkward around him. Even though you probably want to show the readers her internal conflict regarding her potential romance with Jimin, I think it will be better if you elaborate more on her humane emotions instead of just writing out scenes that physically display that conflict or dilemma. Though, I'd like to point out how you make another side of her appear in the situation where she thinks that Jungkook likes her. By that, I mean that Sora doesn't seem to be open about her affection even towards her best friend, but I love the way that she is always worried that she will get in the way between Na Eun and her crush. Still, for now, I don't think that Sora has grown much as a character, so I hope she will be put in more situations which will reveal other traits of hers as a high school teenager.

+Park Jimin: for now, his character is not nicely developed either as he kind of jumps from 0 to 100 in mere seconds. From the way he breaks up with his girlfriend and simply generalizes the idea of how all girls are problematic and dramatic to the way that he seems nice and friendly with his Bangtan crew, I don't understand Jimin that much because the way he behaves around girls and Bangtan is too different that it is hard for me to digest the idea that this Jimin is the same person. Also, although—in Jungkook's words—Jimin only goes after 'brainless hot girls', Jimin himself says that he has changed in that scene where is teaching Sora how to dance. However, the way he suddenly becomes nice around Sora by offering to walk her home or volunteering to be her dance teacher doesn't explain that change much either. So, I'd love to see more of the build-up which leads him to behave that way, and I hope to see more of his inner thoughts in the future chapters as well.

+Lee Na Eun: now I have to say that even though Na Eun is not the lead character here, I am attached to her the most. Since the very beginning, Na Eun is portrayed as this loud and free-spirited girl. However, it doesn't just simply end there because the later chapters emphasize that trait of hers more and more. As the story progresses, I also get to see her various sides—for instance, no matter how loud and outgoing she can get around her best friend, as a girl, she still gets nervous in front of her crush who is Jungkook; there is also a scene of her being worried that Jungkook might not like her not-so-girly personality, and I find that really relatable. In addition to that, even though Na Eun is sometimes unfiltered and upbeat, I like how there are also scenes that show her soft sides too. For example, she stops pushing Sora whenever she realizes that her joke and teasing has gone too far; there is also the scene where Sora almost gets into trouble with the girls at the music festival—I know that Bangtan are the ones to stop them, but before they arrive, Na Eun sort of tries to quietly pull Sora out of the mess by not picking up fight with those girls; and it is surprising to see that serious side of her. To put it simply, I think she is a really lovable character, and I really hope that her character will develop even more later on.

+Jeon Jungkook: so far, I haven't clearly understood his role in the story yet although among the Bangtan crew, he appears the most besides Jimin of course. From his first encounter with the girls, I think he is quite an easy-going guy who is quite nice to people; but then, I remember Jimin commenting that Jungkook is actually not open in front of the opposite , so if he is casual around those girls, that means he doesn't see them as girls at all. Though, the way he acts around Sora seems to tell me a different story. Of course, my suspicion of his having a crush on Jungkook grows even stronger when he directly tells Jimin that even if he likes her, he doesn't stand a chance because clearly, Sora still likes Jimin.  So, I honestly am still confused about his character development, and I hope you the answer to these questions will be given in the future chapters.

-Personality: as I've already mentioned in the development part, most of the characters haven't developed much yet. Hence, I find it hard to connect to them and feel the aliveness of them.

Setting (6/10) - I am aware that the characters are students of this particular high school. There is mention of a dance studio, and there is mention of music festival which the students participate in. From that alone, it slightly gives off the vibe of an arts high school, but personally, it is not enough yet for me to get a clear picture of the environment they are in. I'd love to see more descriptions of the surrounding—for example, a scene of Sora's taking her singing class or Na Eun's being in her acting class (since those two are described as being good at these fields) or anything else that you could find in most arts high schools. Doing more research on the setting is recommended.

Mechanics (6/15) -

-Flow: I don't have any problems following each outside event taking place in the story; it naturally goes from one scene to another—for example, best friends meeting up at lunch before going to class or the girls practicing their dance before going back home until finally, they have to perform at the festival. However, I do have problems with the flow of inner events going inside the characters if that makes sense. As I once mentioned, Sora is opening up to Jimin too quickly, whereas Jimin is also changing to be a 'different' person too quickly. Personally, I find it sort of boring how everything is fast-paced like this; I'd love to feel each build-up that will bring the characters to that particular moment of changes or what I like to call, the juicy parts.

-Grammar: in the very beginning of the first chapter, I like how you have everything written grammatically correct. Later on, I find the common mistake of mixing up tenses together; you have to stick to one tense only—either past or present. Here are some examples:

Original: Who cared if him and his now ex-girlfriend broke up? That's his problem.

Edited: Who cared if him and his now ex-girlfriend broke up? That was his problem.

Original: I'm dead if he starts liking me because it's obvious that Na Eun is already head over heels for him and she just met him yesterday!

Edited: I would be dead if he started liking me because it was obvious that Na Eun was already head over heels for him, and she just met him yesterday!

-Besides that, there are also some of these minor errors.

Original: Everyone else were already starting to come inside as well.

Edited: Everyone else was already starting to come inside as well.

Original: Although she orders the same thing every time she still looks at the menu.

Edited: Although she ordered the same thing every time, she still looked at the menu.

Original: I had my heartbroken by him.

Edited: I had my heart broken by him.

Original: “Did you hear? We getting a new student!”

Edited: Did you hear? We are getting a new student!

Original: It was felt amazing out right now.

Edited: It felt amazing out right now.

Original: I could my heart beating fast as we stood their in silent.

Edited: I could hear my heart beating fast as we stood there in silent.

-Notice that I try to point out the minor mistakes as many as possible because I'd like to let you know that these minors actually wouldn't be there if you checked the chapters properly before having them published. As for the problem of mixed usage of tenses, I suggest practicing more and more on your own or have someone proofread these mistakes for you. Soon enough, you'll get the hang of it!

-And this is not something grammar related, but I’d like to know why do you use so many dots in sentences? Because I personally think that those dots aren’t necessary, and they make the whole layout of the story look quite messy. Though, again, I’d like to hear your explanation on that.

Misc. (4/10) -

-Enjoyability: of course, it would be so nice to dive into a story with unique themes and concepts. Though, honestly, as there aren't many original stories out there—since each story is either based on or inspired by this or that similarly—as a reader, there are times I don't particularly demand for originality, and Something Like Love is clearly not an exception for me either. What I'm trying to say is even though the plot, so far, is quite generic, I think I'd still enjoy reading it if the characters were well-rounded and more relatable. Additionally, I would also love it if the writing style was more on the descriptive side instead of just mostly dialogues; though, really this is just a personal taste, and other readers, of course, could have different opinions.

-Satisfactory: personally, I am a er for the way the characters develop and how much they drive the plot forward; therefore, I am not quite satisfied with the way this story is progressing since—as I've mentioned in the flow section—certain things are happening way too fast, and because of that, it is hard for me to really get into the story and sympathize with those characters.

Total (48/100)

-I sincerely apologize if I came off as too harsh >.< I hope you understand that I did not say anything with negative intention in mind; I was just trying my very best to provide you a helpful review!

-And considering the fact that this is your very first story, I think you have done a really, really good job! (Trust me when I say you don't wanna read my first story, it's so much worse!)

With more reading and writing, I am sure you will gradually improve since people rarely get it right the first time. So, please don't be discouraged by this review. And if possible, please request again since I'd love to see the improvement in your future stories haha

- If you have problems understanding what I've pointed out, please don't hesitate to state so in your comment (or you can even PM me if you want to discuss things further!) :)

Thank you so much for choosing cheesecake!