IX.

Heretofore

*Open this playlist in a new tab: Heretofore (Before Now) Playlist


With a heavy heart and confused thoughts, Eunhae impatiently waited for a bus and when it finally arrived, she settled herself beside the window as she tried to recall where his house was. She could clearly feel her head throbbing as she nervously nibbled her thumb. That moment, she knew that she was desperate to see Chanyeol and for the first time in a long while, she felt fear knocking at the door of her heart.

Recognizing a landmark that she had seen when she went to Chanyeol's house, Eunhae got out of the bus and ran beneath the vast afternoon sky.

 

~:~

 

Eunhae bent her knees as she steadied her breathing. Beads of sweats had now formed on her forehead after reaching Chanyeol's house.

Without even formulating the things to say, she quickly walked to the door and rang the doorbell. She didn't know why this sudden rush inside her occurred. In that moment, all she ever wanted was to see Chanyeol and to really look through his eyes filled with mysteries, because it never crossed her mind that beneath his childish grin and voice that has a tone of excitement for what the future holds was a battle.

The door was opened by Mrs. Park who became surprised after seeing Eunhae.

"Eunhae!" She smiled. Noticing how she heaved her shoulders, she scrunched her brow. "What brought you here? Are you alright?"

"Good morning, auntie." She greeted as she steadied herself. "Is Chanyeol there?"

"Oh, Chanyeol," she said. "I'm sorry dear, he's not here."

"W—what? Where did he go?" She pleaded as despair flooded her eyes.

"He got outside just a while ago. I think he went to the lakeside of the subdivision." The older one informed. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"It's just..." Eunhae took a deep breath. "I gotta talk to him. Thank you, auntie."

Just before she could even make a reply, Eunhae bowed and ran towards the road. Seeing the urgency in the young one's eyes, Mrs. Park knew that there's something wrong. She took a deep breath as she held her chest.

 

~:~

 

Eunhae was scanning the vast empty lot near the lakeside. Between the weeping willows, she finally saw his familiar figure. It's been a while since she had last seen the way how his hair of ebony sparkled beneath the sun in an almost cheerful abandon.

Chanyeol stood on the short wooden bridge with flat stones kept on his left hand. He was skipping stones that moment, watching how far they bounced off the surface of the glittering lake.

Hearing some footsteps on the ground filled with wild grass, he turned his head and almost found himself taken aback after seeing Eunhae.

"Eunhae?" He said, feeling the sudden leap of his heart. "He—hey,'

The girl took a deep breath, trying to contain her emotions as she lessened the centimeters between them.

"F—fancy meeting you here," He tried to chuckle yet he was too overwhelmed and afraid at the same time. "Why are you here? I mean, how did you get—"

"Chanyeol," she barely spoke as she looked at him in the eyes. Who would've thought that beneath his dazzling eyes was a battle? Not once did it cross her mind that behind the facade of this boy in front of her who’s so optimistic towards life was a struggling man.

Realizing that the atmosphere between them plummeted, Chanyeol cleared his throat and before he could even let out a word, Eunhae embraced him.

And in that moment, he felt as if he had witnessed a birth and death of a star. He never thought that there would come a time that he would feel his heart being complete and devastated all at once.

 

~:~

 

"Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia…I got this two years ago, you see." He explained as he looked at the trees across the lake that somehow became small because of the distance. The both of them were now seated on the wooden bridge as they felt the gentle blow of the wind.

"I became cancer free back then. But I uh..." He pursed his lips as he tried to find the right words. "It recurred last December…"

"Oh Chanyeol," She whispered as she fought so hard to contain her tears. "How could this be…y—you look so perfectly fine."

"It's alright. Apparently, life doesn't move according to what we want." Heaving a sigh, Chanyeol looked down. “A few months ago…it got worse.”

"A few months ago...before we met?"

"No," he shook his head. "A week after we met; that's why I stopped all of a sudden. You know…paper flowers and all that."

Understanding what he had just said, Eunhae blinked. "But we met once again…at the bus."

"Yes, and I hated myself because of that."

"You hated yourself?"

"Look, Eunhae." He said and averted his gaze to her. Seeing her again, and how her eyes oozes her beautiful soul, Chanyeol felt afraid and stopped himself from explaining. "J—just forget it. It's nothing."

"Chanyeol, what is it?"

"It's nothing." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"No, Chanyeol." She convinced. "Everything about you matters to me."

"Please, Eunhae, stop. You're making it harder for me." He looked away and sighed.

"What are you talking about?" She pleaded as she raised her voice.

"That," he replied. "Stop doing that."

"Chanyeol, what do you mean?" Eunhae asked as she held one of his cheeks and turned his head to her. And for the first time, she saw melancholy in the brown orbs of his eyes. "I'm willing to listen. Please let me understand."

Seeing plea written on her face, Chanyeol took a deep breath. He knows that in his battle against Eunhae's curiosity, he always lose.

"You keep on making me fall for you."

Heaving a sigh, Chanyeol removed her delicate hand and transferred his gaze ahead.  "Look, Eunhae, when you met me at the bus and called my name, I knew right at that moment that you're not just the girl that I fancy, but rather the girl I want to fall in love with. And I...I've been selfish, you see. I crossed the line and let myself want you even though I shouldn't...I never thought that it'll come this far, Eun—"

"So in the middle of everything, you stopped once again." She cut as she contained herself after hearing the bustle of his words. She remembered the time when she waited for him at the summer festival.

"Because it shouldn't be the right thing…I'm just gonna hurt you."

Eunhae could see how the corners of his eyes reddened and hearing his statement, she smiled. "But Chanyeol, you're also the boy I want to fall in love with."

"No, no—"

"Look, Chanyeol. I understand you. But there's still hope; you could still get cured. And in the process, I'll be there for you."

"That's it." He suddenly stood up while Eunhae followed. "You don't understand…"

"Then make me understand!"

Seeing how persistent she was, Chanyeol sighed as he looked away to contain the heaviness inside his chest. "There's no way I could be cured...the doctors said that my body could no longer respond to their treatments."

"W—what?"

"I'm dying, Eunhae." He said, almost registered into a whisper.

Hearing his statement, Eunhae felt suffocated as if her lungs started to crumble.

"Look, I love you, Eunhae. And these past few months, we've always been together and I loved you even more than before." Chanyeol could clearly feel the weight in his heart becoming heavier so as he battled with his tears, he held her face; and being able to hold her like that felt wonderful to him, yet it also brought him distress because of the situation. "I have you loved so much that I don't want you to get hurt."

Hearing his words, Eunhae tried to reply yet she felt as if she had ran out of voice. Instead, she let out her tears.

Chanyeol pursed his lips and wiped away the crystal like beads on her cheeks. His face was now completely flushed and it was obvious that beneath his facade was a little boy trying to be courageous to stop his tears from falling, yet the more he let himself linger in her presence, the more it became hard for him.

"I'm sorry I put you into this mess, Eunhae. I'm so sorry."

Then, with that statement of his, he walked away no matter he knew how much his heart cried to be with her in that moment.

 

~:~

 

Mrs. Park was seated on the couch with a stack of her family's photo album beside her. A smile was plastered on her face as she scanned each photo, reminiscing the precious moments of the past. It was during that moment when the door suddenly opened and she saw Chanyeol dashed to the kitchen without saying any greeting.

"Chanyeol?" She gently called as she walked to where he went.

He was by the counter, drinking a glass of water.

Mrs. Park stared at his back and she didn't have to know if something's wrong because she could clearly sense it.

"Sweetheart? Is everything alright?"

Putting back the empty glass on the counter, the boy took a deep breath. "I’m alright, mom."

"Chanyeol?"

Then, Chanyeol, who's been trying to suppress his pain, gave up and emptied his sorrowful heart through tears. "I—it hurts…"

Seeing how his shoulders shook, Mrs. Park widened her eyes and quickly approached her son.

She held his shoulders and made him turn to her. "Oh, Chanyeol, w—where does it hurt? I'll call your dad!"

Just before she could make her step, Chanyeol held her wrist. "No, mom, I didn't mean that."

"What? What is it then?" She asked as she felt her heart crumble when she saw the endless outpour of his tears.

Chanyeol looked down with trembling lips and slowly, he put his index finger to his chest. "T—this,”

"Oh, Chanyeol," She gasped and looked at her son, worried.

"My heart hurts, mom." He then sobbed as he wrapped his arms around Mrs. Park who in turn hugged him back.

"You'll be alright son." She said as her son continued to sob.

It was a heart wrenching moment for Mrs. Park—to see how her dear son sobbed so hard just to let out his pain. She knew that it has something to do with Eunhae, because Chanyeol talked about her during the past few days. And seeing him like that, she knew how much he loved her. Yet what hurt her most was that she couldn't do anything to make him feel better that moment, because she was aware that her embrace isn't enough to put back together the broken pieces of his heart.


"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, be constant in prayer." --Romans 12:2

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FindingSunshine
Heretofore is finally updated!

Comments

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missmatilda
#1
Chapter 19: wow.. beautiful, bitter sweet.. that made me tear up..
jieunjeon
#2
Chapter 19: I'm crying right now and these are legit tears waaah o(╯□╰)o
SleeplessKnights
#3
Chapter 18: Wow! I can't believe its almost ended! This story is so beautiful it makes my heart clench at times but then sing with joy. Thank you for taking us on this journey, FindingSunshine. :)
Viernes
#4
Chapter 15: This was so sweet. I love that they do everything together.

:((( But that last sentence.... It tore a piece of my heart out!! We're nearing the end aren't we?? Oh god!! I'm not ready for this!!!!.
jieunjeon
#5
Chapter 15: The last sentence just broke my heart into thousands of pieces
︶︿︶
Viernes
#6
Chapter 13: 5 months or less? Oh my gosh! My heart. I feel her pain. It hurts when someone unexpectedly dies but to know when a person will die is too painful, so much more painful. And that quote, i love it :) i hope they get to spend these months together.

Amazing chapter. Till the next one :)
jieunjeon
#7
Chapter 10: Awww. ♥ Oh my crying heart, what to do with those two young lovers?
Thanks for the update Author-nim!
ChuraEh #8
Interesting! I love it! Thanks for updating!
Join the adding game! EXO QUESTION IS UP! http://www.asianfanfics.com/chat/update/15070
ririyin #9
Chapter 6: its really good....love it
jieunjeon
#10
Chapter 4: Oh my, this is so fluffy! I love it! ♥‿♥
Thank you Author-nim!