*Open this playlist in a new tab: Heretofore (Before Now) Playlist

Eunhae dashed to her room that day and cried her heart out. Her head throbbed as she let her tears flow. She once thought that the walls of her heart were strong yet after knowing Chanyeol's true condition, she realized that those walls fell with a great crash, revealing her feeble heart.

She wasn't aware how much time flew when she sobbed but after a while, when night already conquered the sky, Eunhae quieted and stared at the ceiling. Everything around her became dull all of a sudden, yet it didn't matter to her, because she was so occupied in embracing her sorrows.

She wondered why the world's unfair; and why almost everyone she loves have numbered days. She thought of her dad once again and Chanyeol, who's the very reason why her heart aches so much that time. She remembered how buoyant he is every time they are together and how his eyes sparkle in awe everywhere they go. She'd never seen someone like him before; it's like he was a shade of bright color amidst her life's black-and-white routine. And now, knowing his condition, all that Eunhae wanted was to stay in her yesterdays.

She was so deep in thought and when she finally blinked, tears fell, realizing that she's still crying. She never thought that this will hurt so much.

"Eunhae?" Inna whispered after opening the door.

Hearing no reply, she saw Eunhae on her bed, staring at the lifeless ceiling.

"Is everything alright, sis?"

Eunhae quickly wiped away her tears and sat, trying to give her sister a smile.

Inna sat on the corner of the bed and noticed how swollen her eyes were. "Hey, are you alright?"

"It's just cold." Eunhae sniffed.

"Oh, Eunhae," Inna sighed, "After all these years, you're still bad at lying."

Eunhae averted her eyes to the window and noticed how dark the sky was; she wondered how much time she spent in hearing her heartache.

"Your eyes are swollen." Inna pointed out. "You've been crying."

Receiving her statement, Eunhae shrugged and gave a sigh, not having an idea what to say.

"What's the matter?"

Seeing the sincerity and care that glimmered in her eyes, Eunhae sighed. She could really use someone to talk to that time; and knowing Inna, she knows she'll understand.

"Do you remember the guy that we met during this year’s summer recital?"

"The outspoken guy?"

Eunhae nodded.

"How could I forget," Inna chuckled.

"He's Chanyeol."

"Oh I see. So he's Chanyeol..."

"Why?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that, you talk about him all the time."

"I do?"

"Yeah," Inna chuckled as she remembered her moments with her sister during the past month. The way how Eunhae endlessly talked about him with amazement in her eyes is too noticeable for her sister.

"I didn't know," Eunhae smiled despite how flushed her face were. "Perhaps, he has made such an impact in me."

"I think so too." The older one nodded. "So uh, what's the matter with him?"

Eunhae squinted her eyes, finally aware that they've become heavy because of her crying. "Well, recently, we've been so close. We've spent a lot of time together, you see. And we've got to know each other more."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"What?"

"I'm watching you, Eunhae. I'm aware that he walks you home almost everyday and those telephone calls? Yeah, I'm absolutely aware."

"You're a creep." Eunhae tried to laugh. Her sister does know how to change a melancholic atmosphere.

"What? It's not my fault that you two will appear at the gate when I was just idly looking through the window! And catch you talking with him on the telephone whenever I fetch a glass of water."

"Alright alright," Eunhae nodded.

"That guy likes you, right?" Her sister asked. "I mean, ever since from day one, the way he looks at you is just...something."

Hearing her statement, Eunhae smiled as she remembered his dazzling hazel eyes. There were moments when Eunhae could imagine herself unraveling his stories that are full of possibilities just by staring at his brown orbs.

"Well uh, lately, he stopped communicating with me." She said. “As in he stopped."

Eunhae fiddled the blanket on her lap as she felt the heavy feeling in her heart rising once again. "Then, a while ago, I learned from his friend that...he's sick."

"Sick? What do you mean?"

Eunhae took a deep breath and looked up, blinking back her tears. "He…he has cancer."

"Oh Eunhae," Inna gasped. Despair was written on her eyes.

"I went to his house today, you see. And then we talked...he told me that he's sick and that he should stay away because I'll get hurt."

"What did you say?"

"I told him that I'll be there for him as he goes through his therapies. Because he's survived it two years ago...and that I'm willing to hope that he'll be well. "

"Then?"

"Then..." Eunhae sniffed as she recalled their conversation. She remembered full well the words that somehow seemed like daggers that pierced her heart. "H—he told me that I cannot...because there's no way he could be cured anymore."

"W—what? What do you mean?"

Eunhae looked at Inna as her vision started to get blurry because tears began to brim on her eyes again. With trembling lips, she stared at her sister. "He’s—he’s dying, Inna. Chanyeol's dying."

"Oh dear," Inna quickly wrapped her arms around Eunhae who began to weep. Her gasps were convulsive as if she's trying to let out an excruciating pain from her heart through her tears.

Being soft hearted, Inna started to cry too as if the pain that engulfed her sister's heart had embraced her too. She caressed Eunhae's hair and looked up, blinking back her tears yet she failed.

Removing her head from Inna's shoulder, Eunhae wiped her wet cheeks and tried to speak between her sobs. "I'm sorry. I thought I've already cried everything out a while ago."

"It's alright, Eunhae." Inna sniffed. "It's alright."

"You know, he confessed to me. I mean, he's always outspoken when it comes to his admiration but...today seemed so different."

"What did he say?"

"He told me that uh," Eunhae sighed as tears threatened to fall again, "that he has loved me so much he doesn't want me to get hurt."

Inna pursed her lips. She can't bring herself to imagine how Eunhae's conversation with Chanyeol went. It's too heart breaking.

Eunhae folded her knees and wrapped her arms around it as she let her tears flow. "But I love him too, sis. I…I love him."

"I know. You won't cry that much if you don't." Inna held her sister's shoulder.

"Gee, this hurts so much." Eunhae sniffed and buried her head on her knees. "It…it really hurts."

"Oh, Eunhae..."

Inna, with empathy seen in her eyes, caressed Ji Eun's hair. "What're you gonna do now?"

"I don't know..." Eunhae mumbled. "I want to be with him…Inna. I—I can’t bring myself to just forget him and walk away. You see, these past few months have been so wonderful for me…so wonderful. With him, I started to see life in a whole new perspective, Inna…and now, I can’t just leave him."

"Then do it."

"What?"

"Love him. I mean, love isn't something that can be put inside a box of limitations. It is constant, sis.. So don't let that situation stop you, because no matter what happens, love remains."

With trembling lips, Eunhae looked at her sister.

"Well, yes, it'll be hard. It might even be scary, but that's what it is anyway, right? Loving someone is stepping out of the boat and walking on water. You take risks."

~:~

Three days had passed when Eunhae wounded her way through the subdivision where Chanyeol lives. The sun was sparkling gloriously as it conquered the sky, giving a warm atmosphere in the quiet streets.

As Eunhae took her steps on the sidewalk, she could feel her heart hammering. The sound of birds from afar seemed to fade away for Eunhae, because her heartbeat became more dominant.

"Please, let it be Chanyeol." She whispered as she turned right to his exact street.

She was constantly telling it to herself when she suddenly stopped from her tracks after looking ahead.

Indeed, it was Chanyeol.

From a few distance away from her, he was seated on the sidewalk in front of his house. He was fiddling something on the ground and as Eunhae slowly approached him, Chanyeol turned his gaze. Upon realizing who it was, he suddenly stood up. Surprise was slightly evident in his eyes.

Eunhae could clearly feel the rush inside her becoming stronger as the centimeters between them lessened. And when her feet finally stopped, she tried to give a smile as she lingered on his constant gaze towards her.

Oh how she missed to lock eyes with this wonderful man.

"Hey," He greeted. His voice sounded raspy.

"Hello,"

"How are you?" Chanyeol asked yet just by studying her face that he has memorized, he knew that she hadn't been well. Her eyes somehow seemed swollen and her face was flushed.

"I'm alright..." She looked down, then back at him. "You?"

"Same as yours,”

He tried to give a weak smile as Eunhae stared at him with intent. It was too noticeable that he hadn't been well. His face used to glow because of buoyancy but all she could depict that time was distress.

Just before tears threaten to fall from her eyes again, Eunhae took a deep breath and reached something from her small bag. "It's for you."

It was a paper flower.

"Eunhae..." He said as he hesitantly reached for it.

"Accept it. It's for you." She mumbled. "Please don't go yet. I still have something to say. Listen to me."

"I—I don't know Ji—"

"Please, Chanyeol."

Seeing how serious she was, Chanyeol pursed his lips. Ever since he had set eyes on her a while ago, he's been trying once again to suppress the feeling inside his heart.

"Look, Chanyeol. I do understand what you want. But..." Eunhae looked down as she pursed her lips, fighting her tears, "…but I love you, Chanyeol."

Eunhae clenched her fists as she felt something warm trickled from her eyes. Then, not caring about her unstoppable tears anymore, she stared at him and saw a hint of surprise in his eyes.

"Death is inevitable, Chanyeol. There will come a time when the hourglass of our lives will be emptied of its sand. Although I know that your days are numbered and hope might just be a distant thought, I'm not gonna walk away. I…I hope you realize that your condition won't stop me from loving you." Eunhae wiped her tears away despite its endless flow. She didn't care though; all that mattered to her that time was her desire to empty her heart out. "Yes, I might get hurt. But I am willing to take risks and take a step of faith into the unknown…because I choose to be with you. I am in love with you, Park Chanyeol."

Seeing how tears relentlessly flowed from her eyes, Chanyeol looked away. There's no strength left for him to fight the agony in his heart anymore.

"I—I'm sorry." Eunhae sniffed. "That's all...I gotta go."

With swollen eyes and throbbing head, Eunhae turned to leave even though she could clearly feel how feeble her knees were that time. It felt as if all the courage and strength she had were poured out in the words that she had said to him.

In each step she made, she felt suffocated as the centimeters between her and the man she loves grew.

Seeing her walk away, Chanyeol pursed his lips as tears trickled down his cheek. He then unfolded the paper flower. The paper was delicately created which made him imagine how her gentle hands folded it.

Just like what he does, she also wrote a note.

Seasons change like shifting shadows,

Yet be at rest my dearest,

For my Love for you stays.

As he let her words penetrate his heart, Chanyeol clenched his jaws. He didn't care anymore how wet his cheeks were or how evident his sorrow was, because all that mattered to him suddenly was to conquer the distance between them and reach for the girl he loves.

"Eunhae,"

Right after she turned to face him, Chanyeol quickly wrapped her in his arms.

"It had been hard for me to live these past few days without you…It’s like I've forgotten how to breathe."

Feeling him so close as he wept, Eunhae took a deep breath and put her arms around him without any hint of hesitation.

No words were exchanged after that, and the only sound that accompanied them were their sobs.

That moment, the walls that surrounded their hearts crashed, yet they didn't care, for there was a sense of comfort for the both of them even though they're in the state of absolute vulnerability.

Eunhae could feel the sudden rush of blood in her veins as she let herself be engulfed by his presence. She took in his familiar scent that reminds her of sunshine which made her realize how much she had missed him.

Caught up in their tight embrace, Chanyeol let his tears flow rapidly from his eyes. He knew right at that moment that her gentle embrace was enough to piece back together the shards of his heart that had been broken for days; because the person who he constantly tried to stay away from was the woman who completes him.

And there's no way for him to suppress this truth.

"Let all that you do be done in love." --1 Corinthians 16:14