We had such a great conversation before Luhan's phone rang. Lay had just sent a message, telling us that my manager was on his way back. I was so unwilling to let Yifan-ge go. It has been so long since I touched him, and heard him laugh so freely in front of me. Previously, when we were in the group, he was mostly upset and tired all the time. With reluctance, I untangle myself from him. The warmth I lost made me feel so empty and cold once again. Nevertheless, Kris carried me (bridal style, I might add) to my bedroom and tucked me in. Luhan excused himself to go and clean up the dishes. 

"I promise that we'll meet again, Tao. Under much better circumstances. Remember, contact me if you need me. Also, stay strong Tao. I love you." He leaned down and kissed me on my forehead. Without my control, tears start welling up once again.

"I'm really sorry, Yifan-ge. It seems that whenever we meet, it will always end up in tears." I hiccuped, as I wiped my eyes roughly with the sleeves of my shirt. 

Kris reached out and took the spare key from my bedside table. "I'll take this. I'll visit whenever I can, when your manager is not around." He tucked the key inside his pocket. "Take good care of yourself, Tao. I can't wait for the day when we can finally be open and free from this nightmare." His expression softens as he saw me crying. "Don't cry, Tao. This is not the last time we are meeting. Remember our promise." He shook his hand, and the couple bracelet on his wrist clicked together in response. 

I nodded. I must be strong. I have finally reconciled with Yifan-ge. There's nothing to cry over. Everything is perfectly fine. Kris kissed me one more time on my lips, and bade me farewell with a simple goodbye in Mandarin. I was left with the scent of his musky cologne. I could hear him and Luhan whispering softly as they made their way out of my house. I touched the beads of the bracelet, and rubbed my thumb several times on the engraving. What I have wished to fix since the last year has already been done. I'm happy. 

Tomorrow is the day when I'll have to start work. I'm nervous, but I'll do my best. I close my eyes, and fall into a deep slumber. For the first time ever, it was the first nap I ever had in which I was not plagued by nightmares. In fact, I was brought back to those glorious days when we were promoting Growl as twelve, and I still remembered the day when we won a trophy for Growl, I climbed on top of Duizhang in front of the crowd. The screams were insane, and I remembered feeling so happy that I grinned ear to ear. Those were the great days.

The next time I woke up, it was already dinner time. I could hear some sizzling back in the kitchen. In another ten minutes or so, my manager walked in, throwing at me a packet of juice and handed me a plate of sandwiches. "Eat this. You have to take your medicine in awhile, so you have to eat something."

I nodded obediently, and started munching on the sandwiches. My manager stared at my wrist for a minute or two. He was staring at the bracelet Kris gave me. "I-Isn't it nice? I found it in my luggage. It's been awhile since I wore this." I tried my best to make it sound as believable as possible. I was praying hard that he bought it. He just nodded and me, and turned to leave the room. 

"Your studio is located in the company. The company car will come pick you up at eight in the morning. Do not oversleep." He said, leaving no room for argument. Strangely, I'm not too offended by his tone. Maybe it's because I was treated like this ever since I was eighteen? Or was it because of the discipline I acquired when I started martial arts at a young age? 

Speaking of martial arts.. I'll have to stop practicing it for a year. I sighed. I was even offered a role in a movie my favourite action star, Jackie Chan, was going to be directing and acting in. Filming starts in another eight months. Right now, I'm still unsure if I'll be alright to perform all those stunts in eight months, and if I should take the risk at all. It has always been my dream to appear in films as an action star, and this was my chance. Maybe I should ask Yifan-ge for advice. He would definitely know what to do.

After eating the sandwiches and finishing the packet of juice, I took out a few bottles of medicine. I had antibiotics, and various medication because of my car accident. I also had anti-anxiety pills on standby. I'm going to be honest, for quite a period of time, I was hooked and addicted to those pills. I liked how they numbed my senses, and together with it, my emotions. I remembered going through so much pain when Yifan-ge left. It made me feel worse when Lu-ge was the next to leave. I always made sure to have a bottle of these pills in my bedside drawer, making sure to hide it away from the eyes of the other members. I remembered nearly overdosing on those pills, but my manager was the one who found me in the dormitory alone when the others were practicing for the concert. My manager had me sent to the doctor's quietly, and put me on an IV drip before lecturing me severely. He told me that I could take those pills as long as I did not cause any trouble for the company. I soon realised that the company didn't care about my mental wellbeing. They just did not want any of the fans to find out about my self-destructive habits. 

Deep inside, I knew that if I told anyone, anyone at all, may it be Suho, or Chen, or Sehun, they would have stopped me. But I doubted myself. Why would they want to care about a burden like me? I was absolutely useless when I was injured, resting in the dormitory while they practiced hard. That's why I never want to be forgotten. Never wanted to be a liability. This was why I took up the company's offer, despite knowing what can happen once again. 

But this time, things are different. This time, I have Yifan-ge by my side. Thinking about him, and how disappointed he will be if he saw me like this, I locked that bottle of pills in the drawer, and threw the key to a side. All I need to do now is focus on getting better, and only take the pills I need for recovery. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, and I'm going to work hard to make my fans, and Yifan-ge proud.

A/N : Should I start putting trigger warnings? I'm not too sure at which point I have to start putting trigger warnings. This is a quick update, and things are going pretty well for Tao! Hope yall enjoyed this, and thank you for reading! :)