CHAPTER ELEVEN

-+- HAE -+-

I stared at her the way she stared at me. When she broke from our gaze, I looked at  her hand which started to unbuckle the seat belt. "I-I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this." She said to me nervously. She stuttered and I am not sure why.

I looked at her straight in the eye. "What? You're not hungry?" This must be what she meant. She can't eat? "But you've been working late, I think we should grab a bite."

Her breathing became uneven, I tried to read her expression. But words that came out from next surprised me. "No. I can't. I can't be with you now."

I bit my lower lip. No. Not this. "Dara if you don't want to eat, let's at least talk." I tried to ignore what she just told me, even the pain across my chest begins to get stronger. I've easily lowered my guard when I saw her earlier, thinking everything will work out just fine, but it is not. It is not going there. "Please. Let's talk. Let's talk about us."

I watch as her lips curved into a smirk. For a second I thought she will give me time. Her time. "Us?" She told me with a sarcastic tone.

I sighed and decided to just ignore her remark with sarcasm. "When are you coming home? We better get your stuff in Bom's hous---" But she didn't let me finish.

"No..." She answered me with contempt . "I'm not getting my stuff in Bom's." I looked at her fingers which is now twirling the belt. She's as nervous as I am.

I don't want to understand her words. At the back of my mind, I know what she meant with her words but I am trying not to comprehend a single letter in her sentence. No. She will not. There's still a way... "You'll come back for it later?" I've asked her, trying to act insensible to what she was trying to say.

"No... Let's go home." She fastened the seatbelt again. I've watched as she straightened her back against her seat, it took her a few seconds to adjust her body. "I-I'm getting all my stuff from your house. I'm going to move out."

Hearing these words coming out from , my heart beat becomes faster, the pain spreads and I felt my lungs being crushed. I cannot breathe. I looked upfront and closed my eyes for a few seconds. When I opened it, I changed the gear and began to drive slowly. I didn't look at her or anywhere near her. I tried to calm my nerves and compose myself. I cannot lose myself now. Not again.

I've never thought this will happen. I've been debating for days what I should do with us. After days of keeping it to myself, I just found myself talking to Hyuk about everything. I've spoken all truths, all my feelings, everything that has been bugging me. The poor guy just stayed there for hours, listening to me, ranting about the things I've been hiding, I know it took him a lot of audacity not to laugh on my face. I was really thankful. He took it all in and never uttered a single word until I've finished my long speech. At the end I looked at him and he just smiled at me. I've asked him, isn't he going to get angry at me or to tell me his words of wisdom. My best friend just continued to smile at me and spoke a single word. "Go." After he said that, I took my phone and car keys from my desk and went straight out of the office. I didn't even stop for a second and just continued towards my car. But it was all different once I was inside my car. My hands were fidgeting, my mind went blank, and I began to doubt what I was planning to do. It took too much courage to come into her office building and wait for almost 3 ing hours for her.

And this is what I've got after all the words I've spoken to Hyuk, after driving manically on the road, after fighting the urge to just drive away from her building... This is all I'm getting. My wife wants to leave me. And it's all my fault.

I drove for a few minutes. Not uttering a single word, trying so hard to concentrate on the road. My mind tried to think of things to say to her. Things that may or not change her mind. I've wanted to stop her, that's the first thing that came into my mind. But after thinking it thoroughly, she has a point.

I fought hard not to look at her. She remained silent, she didn't speak a single word, but when she noticed that I am taking a different route than our home she broke the silence.

"Y-You just passed the exit." She told me nervously.

"I know." I've answered her.

"Wait. Where are we going? Why did you skip the exit? Is there another way?" She bombarded me with questions. "Do you need to go somewhere? Because if you are, you can just drop me here. I just need to get my stuff from your house, it will not take too much ti---"

"Our." I corrected her.

"W-what?" She asked me.

"Our house." I completed it. I made a sharp turn and she held on her seat. "You've been living in that house for months now. That house was designed and built for the sole purpose of us living together, making it ours. I think it's proper and better to call it 'our house' than just 'my house', I built that house taking you into account. So it's ours. The correct term is our house." I breathed deeply. "Our home."  My voice started to crack up and I don't know how to stop it from happening.

"Where are we going?" She asked me again, obviously decided to ignore my rants about how she called our home, my home. I shot her a quick look, expecting a scared look, but I saw worry across her face.

"Somewhere." I answered her vaguely.

She sighed and remained silent. Honestly, I don't know where we are going. I just can't go home for the lone purpose of her getting her stuff. Even though I have admitted that she has a point on leaving me, just thinking about it, her, packing her things, getting out of our house, moving out. I don't want to think about it even for one fleeting second. I can't have her leave me.

I drove for minutes, not knowing where to go, but surprisingly, my heart just showed me the way and lead me to a familiar place. A special place for me and her father. I slowed down the car and parked it.  I turned off the engine, I shot her another quick look, she was looking out her window clearly unsure where we are or why I've brought her here. I went out of the car and opened the door for her.

I looked at her stunned face, she looked around the darkness that surrounds us. "Where are we?"

I extended my hand but she just looked at it. I reached for her hand and took it in mine. Enveloping her thin frail hand into mine. She obliged and didn't pulled it, but I felt her nervousness as I clasped our fingers together, I squeezed her hand a bit and closed my eyes for a brief second. The feeling