Jonghyun shivered. His body was cradled lovingly by Taemin, both of them covered by a spare duvet Taemin had found in the small closet. His limbs were tired, exhausted, and his mind felt numb, every last droplet of energy away by Taemin, who still seemed strong even in the aftermath of their love. But, Jonghyun supposed he'd been the one to bare the brunt of the exertion and exhaustion, Taemin having abused and teased his body until he could hardly even twitch his fingers.
Taemin Jonghyun’s hair with care, the warmth of their blood translating as a cold friction between the pair as Jonghyun further nuzzled his head into Taemin’s chest. He didn’t want to explore the consequences of what he'd just done. He couldn't yet.
Taemin drank in the scent of Jonghyun like it was poison; every inch of him wanted to repeat their previous activities, and he would have, were it not for the fragility of Jonghyun, who was curled up in Taemin’s arms like a skeleton flower, beautiful to the sight but frail to the touch. His large eyes were open as Taemin slowly dragged his hands through his soft hair, trying to soothe him, but Taemin knew that by now the worry, guilt and nauseating fear would be beginning to work its way through Jonghyun, stiffening him until every thought in his mind became a listless abstraction.
Taemin, however, felt nothing but love.
Jonghyun’s breath was heavy against Taemin’s chest, and it caused an odd lust in Taemin, so, gently, he moved his hand from Jonghyun’s hair to his lips and brushed them with his fingertips.   Understanding his dongsaeng, Jonghyun obliged, and gently kissed Taemin’s flesh, causing the maknae’s insides to seize as his heart fluttered – the first emotion he'd felt in months that didn’t add to his endless stream of depression. Jonghyun’s lips were light, and refused to explore much, but were enough to leave Taemin in a euphoric mind-set. The location, timing or circumstance of their love didn’t matter, all that mattered was that, finally, Taemin had found his way with Jonghyun, something he'd wanted for so long without even realising it.
Tired, Jonghyun gave up on his kisses, and so, to thank him, Taemin pushed the soft hair from his forehead and briefly planted his lips there.
Silence settled as Jonghyun shook, covered in sweat and lust.
After another few minutes of quiet, Taemin searched beneath the warm confines of the duvet for Jonghyun’s hand, and gripped it firmly, as if to console his hyung. It'll be okay, were the words of the held hands. Don't worry.    
Taemin played with Jonghyun’s fingers, pulling his hand out from underneath the duvet and reaching their hands up, chasing his fingertips and matching the width of their palms. This earned a feeble grin from Jonghyun, whose muscles seemed to have contracted an inability to function. As his biceps tensed, Taemin wanted nothing more than to kiss the smooth skin, but he controlled himself, in order to ensure Jonghyun was okay.
“I wish it were a different world,” Taemin managed finally, as their hands dropped and Jonghyun nestled back into his chest again. “A world where we met in high school, just two random guys, falling for each other without a care in the world. People wouldn’t judge and I'd confess to you somewhere beautiful. Lose our ity wishing to explore and hold our hearts tightly together like some kind of novel.”   “People would always care,” Jonghyun breathed.
“Not in this world, “ Taemin responded. “And in it I'd give you everything. All of me. It'd be yours.”
Jonghyun slid himself up and began to kiss Taemin’s long neck as he further shared his visions of an alternative world, describing what he'd do to Jonghyun and what he'd want Jonghyun to do to him.   "I'd kiss you,” Taemin muttered, as Jonghyun nibbled at his ear, “and I'd make you feel... I'd make you...”
Taemin was lost in ecstasy as Jonghyun gripped his hair, now taking his turn to dominate by honing in on his final dregs of strength. His tongue ran over Taemin’s teeth and inside his mouth, arms tensing as the kiss got wilder, more passionate. But, just before Taemin could decide whether he'd let Jonghyun dominate him fully, his hyung slumped on top of him, exhaling loudly and burying his head in the crook of Taemin’s neck.
“I'm sorry...” Jonghyun whispered, and it was only then that Taemin felt the dampness of tears as Jonghyun softly cried into his shoulder. Taemin his back, allowing the quivering man time to compose himself.   "I should never have left you,” Jonghyun mumbled, his words deeply enraptured with the notion of guilt. “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.”
“Hey,” Taemin muttered, his own eyes beginning to well up. “Don't ever, ever, apologise to me. Ever. You've been nothing but good in my life. The one constant source of beauty I can always see. Don't ever apologise for that. Please.”   Jonghyun seemed to nod, and wiped his eyes, before closing his eyes and coiling up further on Taemin’s body.
“I think I'll sleep,” Jonghyun whispered, and Taemin nodded, the man’s hair until he was whole-heartedly immersed in his slumber.
•••
The view wasn’t as in