A/N guys I'm crying D: So I was writing this fic and decided to stalk SHINee a bit, and I saw that in an interview recently, Onew had mentioned how SHINee have the general attitude that they wanted to stick together forever - AND WRITING THIS FIC WAS NOT THE RIGHT TIME FOR ME TO SEE THAT. It reminded me of why I'm writing this :3

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Taemin stared.

Every inch of him wanted to slam the door on his hyung, to run and jump from rooftop to rooftop just to escape the relieved, worried, yet passively aggressive stare of Jonghyun. Taemin’s heart tore at his chest and he dug his nails into his palm, worry beginning to flutter as nausea in his stomach – but part of him, a tiny blossom he couldn’t deny, was almost happy to see the familiar face he'd missed for so long. And then, even further down, buried so deep within him that it only emerged whenever Taemin had felt true despair, was a carnal urge, an instinctive lust, that began to nag away at him as he centred his focus around his tough demeanour.

Jonghyun also seemed rather speechless, but retained his handsomeness well, with styled brunette hair and a loose fitting jumper and dark coat. His skin was more tanned than Taemin had remembered, but it seemed that his hyung had changed very little over the past four months – except, perhaps, for the tiredness straining his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Taemin asked angrily, his tone causing Jonghyun to visibly shrink. If he'd expected a warm, loving reaction from Taemin, he wasn’t going to get it, and would instead receive the cold shoulder that hurt Taemin so much to deliver.

“Let me come in,” Jonghyun replied, his voice slightly shaking with emotion, “Please, I'll explain everything.”

Almost tempted to refuse the offer, Taemin eventually gave leverage to the softer part of himself, the truer part of himself, and stood aside to let Jonghyun walk in. Shock still plastered itself across Taemin’s body, questions dangling from nooses in his mind, suffocating before he had a chance to ask them.

“Jesus, this place is a mess...” Jonghyun breathed, as Taemin clicked the door shut. Jonghyun walked to the table Taemin had been sitting at only moments earlier, and lifted the filthy jumper that was hung over the chair. He slung it back across the seat, and allowed his eyes to drift to the bed at the far side of the room, to the pictures on the wall.

Once Taemin noticed him staring, obviously contemplating the fact that there were pictures of him and the other members there, Taemin asked, “How'd you find me?”

Jonghyun turned back around, appearing guilty for staring at Taemin’s possessions, and walked closer to Taemin, leaving about a metre between them. Though they were close, the distance felt even further than it had been for the past four months.

“I've been trying to find you, Taemin,” Jonghyun admitted, blinking sadly. “Kibum and Minho have given up... They've... Well, they’ve fallen off the rails. But I've been trying to find you.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Taemin muttered darkly, pretending he didn’t care about how Minho and Kibum were, when, in reality, the news struck him cold, causing him to feel a disproportionate sense of regret and involvement.

“I keep looking for rumours, and I follow them when I can,” Jonghyun explained, voice lacking its usual care and warmth. “Today, the rumour of you in that coffee shop came up online, a girl said you were staying nearby and the internet fuelled it. Of course, I assumed it was just another... Another made up lie, but I searched a few hotels, bumped into a few unfriendly folk who were... More than confused at my being there, and then I found you. I was going to turn back. Thank God I didn’t.”

“Jonghyun,” Taemin addressed, “I need you to go. Leave. Get out. Get the hell away.”

"Taemin-“

“I said go!”

Taemin’s voice shook with anger, causing Jonghyun to backtrack.

"Taemin, you know I won't do that. I've tried so long to find you. You- You can't push me away. Not this time. At the funeral, I should never have let you go – I should have dragged you back to the car. But I was stupid enough to believe that, with time, you'd come back to us. I'm not leaving you.”

Jonghyun moved a step closer to Taemin, yet closer to the door. With a lack of sense, Taemin almost wanted to throw Jonghyun out of the door, to get away from this confrontation. It was stirring withheld emotions inside him, emotions he'd managed to conceal to create the colder, emptier, more focussed Taemin. Emotions about Jonghyun he'd never liked, that were slowly springing back, re