Jonghyun wanted to speak, but the words were jammed into the back of his throat like daggers piercing flesh. Kibum stared at him with eyes that spoke instant remorse; they pleaded and claimed responsibility, incited guilt and honed terror. They were the eyes of a man who knew he’d done wrong, and would do anything to put it right.

Though Jonghyun could not see his own eyes, he believed that they would betray him. Everything he’d done, everything he’d committed to, and everything he had to keep from Kibum... It would all be exposed before he had time to so much as blink. A regretful man’s eyes were always noticeable. Always.

"What are you doing here?” Jonghyun finally managed, his words to try deflect the attention from his appearance rather than to attack his partner. He felt perspiration form above his brow as Minho awkwardly hovered, stepping to the side so that Kibum and Jonghyun could clearly talk, without his interference.

“Let me in,” Kibum begged, words composed of relief, guilt and grief. “Please, Jjongie, just... Just let me in.”

Jonghyun held the door protectively, half hidden by its large frame. He couldn’t let Kibum in, because he knew that if he did they’d end up consoling each other, and Kibum would apologise profusely over what he didn’t do.

“Why should I?” Jonghyun shot back. “Why should I even bother?”

Kibum pursed his lips and for the first time Jonghyun noticed the tears forming in his partner’s eyes. His own heart was merely pattering against his chest, not wanting to waste its strength on such a feeble existence.

“Because,” Kibum croaked, voice breaking into pieces, “I love you and you’re all I have and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. I​'m sorry."

  Kibum lowered his head as if accepting defeat; in his soul it was as if he knew he’d gone too far, had torn the very fabric of their love with a simple threat. Every year loving Jonghyun, every day wanting to treasure him, had now fallen into an abyss he couldn’t clamber out of. Things were beginning to haze and nothing had made sense for a while now – nothing but Jonghyun. He was the one constant in Kibum’s life that kept him steady, kept him afloat, kept him from burying his head so that he’d never be found. He was Kibum’s everything, and now that he was beginning to lose it, he didn’t quite know where to place himself.
“Come in,” Jonghyun suddenly instructed, voice devoid of invitation. “Both of you.” He stepped aside and gradually opened the door, allowing Minho and Kibum to shakily enter his mess of an apartment. The place was a state, with trash lying everywhere, and although Kibum knew Jonghyun to be untidy, this was an exaggeration of the norm.
Jonghyun led them into the living room, where the light peeking through the curtains was dull and blunt, an unsharpened pencil drawing curves across the dingy room. Nobody took a seat, for nobody felt it appropriate, and even if they