Gerald still has Kim in a hug…

Gerald:  Kim, I have something to tell you. (in a muffled voice)

Kim: What did you say Gerald? (thought – this guy gives the best hugs)

Gerald:  (releases Kim from his hug and leads her to the couch to sit) Kim, you have been so honest with me and I want to thank you.  Not a lot of girls that I’ve known would have shared what you shared with me.

Kim: A lot girls?    That you’ve known?   Gerald?

Gerald:  You have been so honest with me that I can’t, on good conscience, not tell you about me. Who I am.  Why I’m here.  How I got here.

Kim: Aren’t you here to go to school? Like the rest of us? (laughing)

Gerald: Ha! Ha! You are too sassy for your own good.  Kim, there are schools in Missouri.  I could have chosen to go to Yale, Princeton, and Notre Dame. 

Kim: So why didn’t you?

Gerald:  Let me start from the beginning.   I know you know that I came from a wealthy family.  I lived the life, born with a silver spoon in my mouth.  Everything given to me with no questions asked.  I received everything I ever wanted.  I also took whatever I wanted. I had no conscience of what others felt by my actions.  That was their problem. Not mine.  I was a spoiled brat.  Every time I look back to everything I have done, I wince and I am deeply embarrassed of who I had become.  I’m here because I needed a change of environment.  I am here to learn more about who I am and become someone I can be proud of.  I am here to heal and yes, definitely get an education.  Matt was a huge reason why I came out here.  He’s probably the only friend I have had throughout the years that would call me on my crap and was real with me.  He never bowed to my needs.  He always put me in my place.  I think I allowed it because I knew deep down he was right.  Thank God.  I guess you could say he was the angel on my shoulder. 

Kim: Wow… so what made you want to change? Did something happen?

Gerald:  So remember what I said about taking whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no conscience.  Well, that’s how I treated women.  Kim, this is hard for me…. Especially to admit to you. Matt is the only one here who knows anything about this. Other people know the story of what happened but Matt is the only one who has heard my side and how I felt and feel.  He’s the only one I have ever opened up to.  I know that I risk the chance of losing you but I know that if you ever found out from someone else other than me, I know you would never ever forgive me.      

Kim: Gerald, what you just shared with me does not match who I know and feel is you right now.  I know it has been a short while but how can my heart lie? Unless you are a great actor…

Gerald: (taking Kim’s hand) You are too good for me.  Please know that what you are about to hear is something I am not proud of.  And it’s not pretty. And there is more…

Kim: (holding Gerald’s side of his face) I promise to listen.  I will try not to make judgments.  I will try to open my heart to understand. 

Gerald: (takes a deep breath) Kim.  I was a playboy beyond all playboys.  What do they call it in Tagalog – palakero? Babaero?

Kim looks at him intently…

And the reason why I say playboy from beyond is that we are talking multiple girls at a time.  And they all knew about each other.  Some of them were even friends with each other.  I always thought that was odd but I didn’t care.  I was that cocky.  That sure of myself. Overlap upon overlap.  I took recycling to new level.  No one ever said no.  I know that I hurt a lot of them.  I would forget who I was going out with from night to night; day to day. I think the only rule I had was not to take any of my guy friends’ girls.  They could have mine after I was done which they didn’t mind.  But I made sure that I never took theirs.  For many of the girls, in order to make them feel special, I would introduce them to my family.  I know that for many of them, they were on a mission to ‘change’ my ways and make me fall in love with them.  Meeting my family always made them feel that they were making progress. It was a dirty trick but it was one of my weapons to get what I wanted.   My family, at one point, was so angry at me because they were embarrassed with what I was doing.  Some of the girls were daughters of their friends.  They couldn’t keep names straight.  It was bad.  Then, I met this one girl at a club.  No ties to anyone in my circles.  She was the one who approached me. Beautiful, intelligent, and well-off, but we had never met before. We hit it off.  I actually had fun being with her – to a certain point.  She wasn’t incentive enough to stop my ways.  I was honest with her from the very beginning.  I was honest with all the girls.  I think that was my way to set up for everything to be okay. She fell in love with me. I made it clear to her that I did not love her and that I was just having fun. To be honest, I didn’t really like her except for what she could give me.  She found me one day with another girl.  It was not a pretty scene.  Things were thrown.  I told her to leave.  She left crying.  I didn’t care. 

Kim: Wow Gerald… you are kind of scaring me.  This is a lot.  You are being honest with me right now. And thank you, but wow!  Are you telling me that you are being honest with me to clear your conscience so you can see other girls?  Well… you can anyways.   I mean, we have no ties.  Friends only right?  (thought – why am I feeling such a huge disappointment?  Damn! He was too good to be true. I think I’m going to cry.  Kim, keep it together!)

Gerald: Special friends.  And Kim, you are right that I am being honest with you.  I think more out of habit versus wanting to set things up with you. But mostly, I want you to know so that as we build whatever is happening between us, we both know who I was; remember past tense, where I came from, and who I want to be.  I am not going to see other girls. This I want you to know.  I think I found the one I want to be with.   But Kim, there’s more….

Kim: More?? (thought – I don’t think I can take anymore)

Gerald: Later that night, after she found with me with another girl, one of our mutual friends called me cursing me out.  The girl was in the hospital.  She had tried to commit suicide. She left a note stating it was because I didn’t love her…                Kim?

Kim: (looking shocked) Oh my Lord… suicide? Gerald?

Gerald: (tears start running down his face) I’m sorry Kim. 

Kim: You don’t need to apologize to me. You didn’t do to me what you did to her.  Gerald?  Is she okay?

Gerald: She is okay.  Her family would not let me see her, which is understandable.  I made sure all her hospital bills were paid.  They had money but I wanted to find a way to apologize.  I know money can’t replace those things most important but I didn’t know how else to help make things right.  Her family wanted me arrested.  But breaking someone’s heart is not exactly against the law.  It should be because at that point, I would have readily accepted going to jail.  I was fine acting the way I acted but if I just hurt someone’s feelings, then it was fine. It was just feelings.  I did not want anyone hurt physically because of what a jerk I was.  The worse feeling was knowing I was responsible for someone trying to end their life.

Kim: Gerald? What happened? What happened to her? What did you do?

Gerald:  Like I said she was in the hospital for a while.  Her family sent her to a place where she can heal.  I sent money for that as well.  I recently found out that she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I heard through the grapevine that during the time she was with me, she was so happy that she felt that she didn’t need her medication.  I guess she wasn’t taking it for awhile.  I didn’t know anything about her being bipolar and on medication.  Regardless, she did what she did and I was the reason for her hurting herself. (Gerald and Kim were quiet for awhile, each living in their own thoughts)

Since then, I haven’t gone out with a woman, well, until you. (Kim looked shocked)  I kind of isolated myself from everyone, including my family.  It wasn’t until my family asked Matt to come see me that I finally snapped out of it.  Matt fought with me.  At one point, he shoved me into the shower and turned on the cold shower.  He was drenched too.  It was the first time I had laughed in months.  We sat in the shower, drenched in our clothes for a long time and Matt heard everything about what happened. 

I couldn’t forgive myself for what I did to her. 

Kim: When did this happen?

Gerald: Earlier this year.  Matt didn’t come up until after summer started.  So basically I lived inside my room for a good 4 months. My family brought me food to my room since I wouldn’t leave.  Doctors came.  Psychiatrists.  You name it.  It was Matt that brought me back to life.  I felt guilt so deep and so painful for all that time. 

Kim: Gerald, have you ever talked to the girl since? 

Gerald: No. At one point, she heard what happened to me.  She came to the house.  But I would not let her into the room.  I blocked the door with all the furniture in my room.  I could not face her.  I was too embarrassed to face her.  I’m actually glad that we did not see each other because I think I would feel guilty in staying with her which would hurt both of us.  And my actions probably told her that I loved her, which was further from the truth.  I just felt such deep guilt and regret.

Kim: Gerald, this is so weird to hear you tell me this story.  It doesn’t match what I know and experienced with you since we first met and even more so these past 2 days.  It’s only been 2 days but I feel like I have known you for a lifetime. Gosh I sound so cheesy.  (Stands up and looks outside the window)

Gerald:  Kim, we both can be cheesy because I feel the same way.  I know I just filled your plate with a lot of crap.  I know I have given you a lot of things to think about.  This shits heavy and I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.  I don’t blame you if this changes things.

(stands up and walks up behind Kim and wraps his arms around her)  I’m just praying that you will still give me a chance; that you will give us a chance.  I know we said that we are going to take things slow.  But if you feel you need to put a stop on things, then ok but I hope you think we are worth it to take the risk of seeing where this leads us. I will do whatever you want.  If friendship, if I am so lucky, is all that you are willing to give me then I will accept it.  (tear runs down his cheek)

Kim: Gerald… (holds on to him tightly) I don’t know.  (tear runs down her cheek)