---

[DARA]

  In that moment that I dropped Jiyong's shoes by the bin, I've decided to let the trash truck carry away everything about him that still haunts me every night.

 

  But when the first drop of rain starts to trickle down my window and I found myself dashing back out of the front door, I knew I failed.

 

  Jiyong hates his sneakers wet.

 

  The cold rain whipped mercilessly on my face, drenching my clothes and hair. I was stomping on puddles of water that splashes against my ankles with every step that I ran but I didn't stop until I reached that box I had abandoned moments ago. As I stared at it, an inexplicable anger rose inside me.

 

  I told Jiyong I hated his guts. But I hate mine too. We're one of the same kind.

 

  Why did I even throw them out? These shoes did nothing wrong but I got them all ruined just because they reminded me of Jiyong. What else am I going to throw out next? How many more things do I have to throw out to completely erase him from my mind? It doesn't work that way, it doesn't work that way. And oh my god, this ing hurts. It hurts because I still don't know how to move on. It hurts because I'm always in a conflict with myself like this. It hurts because I'm trying to find every excuse to convince myself why he couldn't bring himself to let me stay, but it has been weeks and I'm still confused as ever.

 

  Nothing seems to make sense, and one night I came to the conclusion that he must've not loved me that much.

 

  But that made the least sense of them all.

 

---

[-]

  The Vanguard walked through the night streets alone, twisting his keys between his fingers. Their latest internal intellegence had just confirmed what that Mafia Underboss proposed weeks ago - The Immortal Angels are active again. His brows were furrowed with deep creases forming on his forehead as he considered the current situation deeply. Indeed, the IA is a dangerous organisation. To have them around does nobody good. They should join hands with the Mafia. Trouble is, the White Traids and the Seoul Mafia had so long been loggerheads, he needs to think of a way to persuade the upper ranks to agree to an alliance.

  

  A cackle of thunder boomed through the night sky, halting Donghae in his tracks as he glanced up at the impending storm with a disbelieving frown. C'mon, it can't seriously rain on him all of a sudden while he's feeling all deep and tactical, can it? But with his groan the first heavy raindrop fell, escalating quickly into a downpour. Cursing his luck, the Vanguard sheltered himself futily with his hands and started to run. It didn't take long before he took a turn and caught sight of Dara directly ahead of him, crouching by a trash collection point in the rain.

 

  "Dara!" Donghae yelled, dashing forward. What the hell, her injuries are barely healed.

 

  Puddles of rainwater splashed against his sneakers as he dashed across them and straight to her side. 

 

  "You can't be out in the rain!" He shouted, his voice almost getting drowned out by the increasingly heavy shower as he snatched up her abandoned umbrella on the floor and held it over her. "HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME?" He tried again, this time louder.

 

  Dara remained on the ground, motionless except for the little shudders on her shoulder. She can't be crying can she? His vision moved from her to the something that she's hugging tightly. It was a pair of men's shoes, and he almost instantly understood with a small stab of pang in his chest.

 

  Donghae swallowed, shutting his eyes momentarily before reopening them. This idiot. Without a word he bent down on a knee to meet her height, finally managing to catch a glimpse of her pain filled face before pulling her silently into his arms. 

 

  "Stupid midget, keep the shoes if you want them, or ditch them if you don't. Is this something worthy for you to be so melodramatic over, with the rain and all?" Donghae mused in a quiet voice, her wet hair.

 

  "I was going to throw them away... but they're.. they're expensive." Dara sobbed into Donghae's shoulder, earning a small hearty laugh from the Vanguard. 

 

  "Sell them. We'll use the money to grab some fine food." The copper-haired man continued to joke around, masking the silent, aching chill that's suffocating him. She still can't let go of that guy, and he doesn't know if she ever will. "So aren't we leaving? Do you have any idea how pitiful we look right now?"

 

  "Why would you look pitiful?" Dara ran her hand across her eyes and pulled herself back to look at her friend. Donghae was staring quietly at her with a soft smile on his face, rainwater dripping down his chin. 

 

  "Oh, I don't know. I came here with an empty stomach and the heavens decided to rain on me. Now I'm all drenched, sitting in the rain with a weeping girl." Donghae shrugged, scrunching his face as he glanced up at the downpour. "What's worst -- that girl doesn't just not like me back, she's crying over some other guy." 

 

  Donghae finished and spared a glance at Dara, who had lowered her head and started to knot her fingers together again before breaking a laugh. "So are we ready to go?"

 

  Dara nodded meekly, grabbing onto Donghae's waiting hand and got onto her feet. "You being here for me... really means a lot. But I don't know if I should be feeling grateful or guilty, you know?" Dara said quietly in front of him, who's propping the umbrella up behind her.

 

  Donghae's lips twisted into a small smile. "I know."

 

---

[-]

 

  A hand slapped two cards onto the glass coffee table to be met simultaneously with groans. 

 

  "Blackjack. Pay up." Seunghyun said gleefully when the front door to their shared club house burst open.

 

  The Untouchables fell silent immediately and trailed the returned Underboss with their vision, not daring to make a sound. What is Jiyong doing here anyway? These days he's either out on mission, or locking himself up at home if he's not hiding in some spot under Dara's house. Besides, with him being so moody, anything can set him off. The four held their breath as Jiyong stormed straight for the pool table, as if in search of something. 

 

  "Daesung, where's the keys to my bike?" Jiyong asked, sounding like he's in a hurry. 

 

  Astonished, the Sniper member pointed to the ledge above the fireplace before exchanging a bewildered shrug with the maknae as their leader quickly pocketed the keys. 

 

  "Jiyong, where're you going?" Youngbae asked cautiously. He better not be on his way to look for trouble again.

 

  "Find Dara." Jiyong answered swiftly.

 

  Seungri's jaw dropped open and Daesung would've choked if he was drinking. Blinking in disbelief, they stared at one another, almost as if they're trying to understand the entire situation. Was it just hours ago that this hyung wouldn't even drag himself to meet her even if it was his breath? What on earth managed to change his mind?

 

  Jiyong paused by the giant mirror that hung in their hallway and stared briefly at his slick back comb before running his fingers through it to pull his hair back down. 

 

  "All of a sudden?" Seunghyun asked in his deep, bass-like voice.

 

  "Yeah, I thought it all wrong. She's not the idiot. I am. It was me all along." He said, sounding a little exhilarated, like he's the only one that's enlightened. They weren't there at the Don's place. They wouldn't understand. But that only made him look a little crazier to them.

 

  Ignoring every bewildered gaze that is directed towards him in the room, the Underboss pulled the front door open and left through it without a backward glance. The night roads are deserted, and his eyes beneath his bike helmet are focused. 

 

  He wants a life with her. 

 

  The bike halted outside Dara's house and Jiyong leaped off the motorcycle. His heart is thumping insanely in his chest as he threw a glance at the lights that are on in the living room. Dara said before that this means that her grandmother is still awake. Swallowing, the young mobster patted his entire body down and removed every single weapon that he carries with him -- his handgun and a Swiss knife, before tossing them into the storage compartment. 

 

  With his heart in his throat, Jiyong pressed on the doorbell.

 

  "I-" He blinked, stammering as an old lady opened the door, staring curiously at the stranger boy in front of her. "I- uh- am looking for Dara."

 

  The two minutes that Dara's grandmother spent to go upstairs to call for Dara felt like the longest moments in his life. His palms are clammy, his throat dry. Nonetheless he couldn't wait to see her face. He couldn't wait to admit what a complete idiot he has been, to apologise for hurting her all these while and to crush her in his arms. 

 

  "Dara is asleep, kid. You are?" Grandma Lee hobbled back regretfully.

 

  "I'll just come back tomorrow." Jiyong muttered, bowing quickly before leaving, his insides filled instantly with disappointment and dejection. He stepped out of the small yard and glanced up at her window on the second floor, where he knows she's now fast asleep in, before lighting up a cigarette.

 

  Looks like the night ahead of him is going to be a long one.

 

---

[DARA]

 

  Sunlight, the aroma of bacon, and the familiar tone of my alarm. A new day has come.

 

  I stirred, rubbing my eyes open. Jeez, I don't want to get out of bed. Being out in the rain yesterday gave me a night long of unexpectedly-good sleep. I was half expecting a terrible cold by today morning but surprisingly, I felt fine.

 

  Following the waft of the sizzling food, I headed downstairs for my breakfast with my bag. I reached out and turned off the stove where a pot of water is already boiling noisily before settling down by my plate that is readied by Grams.

  

  "There was a weird man yesterday." Grams said pointedly, scooping a fried egg into my plate.

 

  "That was Donghae, Grams." I answered calmly, popping the food into my mouth. "And you forgot to turn off the stove again. I turned it off for you." Her memory seems to be deteriorating. She's forgetting what she's cooking more and more often.

 

  "He was at the door last night." 

 

  "That's because we ran into each other and he sent me back, Grams." I explained patiently, chuckling as she looked slightly confused with herself. "I'm leaving for work!"

 

  With that I slung my bag over my shoulder and left through the door. The day for me to start work at the medical school is getting closer, and that means I'll no longer have to wake up this early everyday anymore. This thought felt like a ray of radiance that pierced into my mind. Ahh, life's great afterall. 

 

  In better spirits, I locked the door while humming a small tune to myself. But as I turn around for the gates, I froze.

 

  Jiyong, whom I haven't seen since that night in Little Chinatown, is sitting on one of our first floor's window ledge that's sheltered by the closed curtains inside, with his head leaning against the wall on his side, fast asleep.

 

  I held my breath as my feet brought me infront of him. Ji's face was a little furrowed, looking as if his sleep has been a fitful one. Of course, who would sleep well in this uncomfortable position? Gram's words that there was a weird man by the door suddenly makes sense now. She can't be refering to him, right? But the question is, what is he doing here?

 

  I bit my lip, willing myself to turn away as the initial shock turns into spite and grudge. Why? Why does he have to show up just as I was starting to get along well by myself?

 

    But my chest constricted as I stared at his face, and I realise I couldn't walk away. The wounds that marred his face that night in the underground fight club are more or less healed except for a small fading bruise by his lips. His long lashes framed the edge of his closed eyes, making him seem so innocent and defenseless in his unconsciousness.

 

  Unwittingly, my fingers reached for that purplish lesion but his hand flew up and grabbed my wrist before I could come into contact with his skin. Instantly, his eyes flew open warily, only to soften when he realise it's only me. The moment our gazes locked, I wanted to turn and run away, but he wouldn't let me.

 

  "Wait-" Jiyong protested. God, I missed this voice. 

  

  "Why are you here?" I demanded sharply. It took me long enough to start building something against him. I don't hate him, but I don't want to be hurt anymore either. I don't want to cry and I don't want to revert back to that melancholy me that I hate. 

 

  Jiyong winced at the hostility in my voice.

 

  "Let go." I casted a glance at my restrained wrist. 

 

  "I will, but promise me you'll listen to what I have to say." Jiyong answered, his hand still on mine.

 

  "No. I'm running late for work. Let go." My heart was racing faster and faster. It's suffocating, like I'm in silent hysteria.

 

  "I should've done something, Dara. I know I was a coward, I thought I'll kill you eventually if I keep you by my side, and I wouldn't be able to live with that. But I was wrong, Dara. I wouldn't be able to live without you." Jiyong said, trying to hold my gaze as I scattered my eyes everywhere but on his, looking for an escape while trying to block out his words. 

 

  "I said I won't come back for you ever again." I muttered, wringing my wrist free as I turned to go. That unbearable, scary pain is rising up in my chest again, scratching and tearing at my heart. 

 

  "It's me coming back now." Jiyong continued, walking alongside me in big steps as I tried to get away from him. His voice was pained as I continued to ignore him, focusing instead on trying to shut off my feelings to stop that pain. "Please, babe. I.. I love you." 

 

  It felt as if the last three words had knocked the wind out of me as my legs lost their strength to continue.

 

  "No you don't. No no no." I whispered, covering my ears. 

 

  Why? Why now? He has never said those three words to me before. Why is he pulling them out now? All I ever wanted in the past was to hear these words from him, but why have I never realised that it'll hurt this much?

 

  His fists tightened as I started to tear up. I just needed to be alone. It should've been a perfect morning. 

 

  "Don't cry, please." He breathed out, snaking his arms around me from the back. "I'm sorry for all these, I'm sorry that you have to feel like . I missed you, Dara. I missed you a lot."

 

  "I don't want to hear that. I don't want to see you, Jiyong." I sounded almost as if I'm pleading. Please just go.

 

  "Okay, okay, I'll go. Shush now."  He muttered in a soft voice as I wiped my arm across my eyes. "But I'm coming back, Dara. No matter how much you'll hate it, I'm not going to leave again." 

 

  "Let me go." I said in exasperation. His arms around me tightened for a moment before they slipped away limply. As soon as I am freed, I walked away briskly in big steps, determined to put as much distance between us as possible, not having any courage to throw a single backward glance. 

 

  How am I supposed to go on with my day now?

 

---

[-]

 

  Daesung exhaled heavily, rubbing his eyes. He glanced towards Seunghyun, who's staring silently at the mess at their feet while dragging deeply into a cigarette. On the third floor of their HQ, the body of one of a cleaner ahjumma was found, bounded and gagged with multiple stab wounds. A murder has happened in their territory straight under their nose and yet nobody caught anything. The CCTV footage for last night was completely and intentionally blocked, and the security guard who was on duty last night is missing and uncontactable. 

 

  "The IA?" Youngbae asked in a quiet voice. 

 

  "Possibly. Why would they sneak in just to kill a cleaner?" Seunghyun discussed.

 

  Daesung shrugged. "Maybe it's a ruse, to divert our attention from something else. Or maybe they just want to provoke us. They're always this random, so it's hard to predict. Should we inform Jiyong hyung?"

 

  "No, let him settle his personal stuff first. We can handle it here." Seunghyun said grimly, nodding at his henchmen behind who started to clean up the scene. "What do you think, brains? You're a little quiet." Seunghyun asked Seungri, who snapped back to his senses.

 

  "I agree with Daesung hyung." Seungri said quickly, his eyes trailing back to the motionless body on the floor once his brothers nodded and looked away.

 

  Why exactly did the IA invade their HQ?

  

---

[DARA]

 

  I lost track of how the day went by, or how many customers I served today. Time seems to fly by in a daze before suddenly, I'm already knocking off. As I took the same old road home, I saw Jiyong on the other side of the road from the corner of eyes, following me as I walk, as if he's sending me back while keeping a distance. 

 

  Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair before quickening my steps. The shoes that I tried to throw away last night loomed into my mind and sparked an idea in my head. Upon reaching home, I headed straight for the sneakers and re-emerged from my house moments later. 

 

  Jiyong looked a little surprised, untucking his hands from his pockets as I approached him. Without a word, I handed him the box. 

 

  "What's this?" He asked.

 

  "Your shoes. I'm returning them to you." I said flatly. "You told me to return them to you when I want out. This is it, Jiyong. I want out."

 

  His jaw tightened and I turned around to return home, not wanting to see the expression on his face, but he stopped me.

 

  "This doesn't count." He said loudly behind me, stopping me in my tracks. "I know they're ruined by the rain. You know I don't wear wet shoes." 

 

  What?

 

  I spun around to glare at him. "They're all dried." I defended. 

 

  "I know, but they're not the same." A small smirk was tugging at the corner of his lips as he took two steps towards me. Instinctively, I stumbled back, almost toppling over myself when he reached out and pulled onto my arm, and I quickly regained my balance.

 

  With the smug look still hanging on his face, he lightly flipped my arm over and pushed the box back into my hand.

 

  "You're being unreasonable." I whispered in disbelief. Does he intend for me to re-order and rewait for the shoes to fly over all the way from Italy? The last time it happened, it took almost three months.

 

  "Yeah. On purpose." 

 

  "Jiyong-"

 

  "So our bond still stands until I get my perfect pair of sneakers back." Jiyong declared, his lips twisted upwards as he tucked his hands back into the pockets on his pants. "Other than that, you still owe me something else."

  

  "What else?" I asked aggressively.

 

  "My bracelet." He said quietly, the taunting, jokish demeanor gone as he lifted his eyes to stare deeply into mine.

 

  "You're the one that abandoned it." Suddenly there was a lump in my throat. I cleared it quickly and looked away. "I threw them away when you left."

 

  "You're lying."

 

  "Believe what you want, I'm leaving." I muttered, but he grasped my hand again.

 

  "And stop touching me, Kwon Ji-" I flipped my face around and started angrily, but I suddenly realised how warm his hand felt. "Did you caught a cold?" I asked grudgingly, remembering the fact that he spent the entire night out here in the chill.

 

  His eyes softened and his lips broke into a bright smile.

 

  "I don't know, did I?" He asked.

 

  I rolled my eyes and made a gesture to tug my hand away.

 

  "Wait, I feel faint...." He muttered behind me, and I heard a very forced stagger.

 

  "Stop it, Jiyong. Go home." I exhaled in exasperation. "I want to be quiet." 

 

  "Fine." He dropped his act. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dara."

 

  "No, stop following me." I said firmly. "I said I don't want to see you, Jiyong."

 

  "And I said I won't leave even if you hate it." He answered. "I'll wait until the day you love me again." 

 

  There was a sharp stab of pain in my chest and I wanted to tell him that it's too late for that but I held it in seeing that small light of determination dancing in his eyes. How am I supposed to tell him that I'm too scared to even approach him now? That no matter how much I wanted to believe him, I can't anymore? 

 

  I roamed my eyes all over his face, the same face that used to wake up beside me every morning. 

 

  "Do what you want, Jiyong." I sighed in defeat before finally leaving him behind. 

 

  

---

LOVE HIM?
LOVE HIM NOT?

I'd say it's hard to trust when our Dara has been the one trying so hard!