How could you?

  It was supposed to be about us. 
Not you making decisions and me having to accept them. 

You're always like this...
Selfish bastard.

[-]

  How many days had gone by? Was it four or was it five?  Dara had lost count. Instead, she noted the number of people that came to visit. Grams is here everyday, along with Bom, who drop by every evening after work. Donghae would come by whenever Dara wanted Grams to go home and get some rest. Even dad came, even though they were still rather estranged from each other. He didn't stayed for long, leaving after he made sure Dara was alright. Thanks to Bom's blabbermouth, even one of their high school friend living around the area came to visit.
 

  But not Jiyong.
 

  Dara knew that Bom would glance at her once in a while with worry in her eyes, wondering why is she not asking questions. She would pretend to be asleep until everyone has left. Only then she would pick up her phone and bombard Jiyong with calls and messages. They all went unanswered.
 

  She didn't believe it when Bom told her that he left. She held onto the hope that they're lying to her in attempt to make her leave him, but with each unanswered text her faith wavered. It felt as if he had disappeared completely from her life, leaving behind nothing but the bracelet. Her life felt like it returned to normal, before the time she first lay eyes on him when he walked into their boutique. But normal isn't supposed to be this painful. It feels fine in the day with the people that bustled around her. It felt surreal, almost like she's numb. But when the night falls and everybody else is gone, it becomes a reality, and her chest would constrict so insufferably that it hurts too much to even breathe or think. Her Jiyong, is gone.
 

  He left her.
 

  How could he? He said he loved her.

  Perhaps not hard enough for him to even stay.

[DARA]

  A face poked out from behind the door, startling me and Bommie in the middle of our very serious discussion over the brand of nacho cheese used in the cooking tutorial on the TV hanging on the wall of my ward. It was Hani, who scrunched up her nose upon seeing me.

  "What's going on?" She grimaced, staring at me in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? Are we playing visiting? How did you ended up here right after my dad woke up?"


  "Life's like that sometimes." I suppressed a laugh as she walked into my humble ward haughtily, setting a small box of something on my table.

  "Got my chef to make this. Eat it while it's hot." She said with her nose sticking in the air. The usual Hani is back. "It's abalone porridge." She added as Bom flipped open the plastic bag containing it with her brows raised skeptically. 


  She sat down on the chair by my bed and scrutinized my body, as if I'm total wreck. My eyes fell on her iPhone lying on her lap and something hits me.

  "Lend me your phone." I muttered, taking over her phone before she could protest. I dialed that one number that became etched in my mind and pressed the phone to my ears, my heart thumping nervously in my chest.


  Please don't pick up.


  Please don't pick up.

  "What do you want, Hani?" 


  The line went through with a click and I could feel something rising up in my throat, choking me. My eyes became misty as it suddenly becomes hard to breathe. The tired voice at the other end of the line is that one voice that I've longed to hear so much.

  
  "Hani?" He repeated.


  He really intended to leave me. His number.. it's working fine all this while.

  "Are you okay?" I could barely feel my mouth moving. , why can't I see what's in front of me?


  The other line grew silent as soon as I spoke.

  "Yeah." Jiyong answered, his voice sounding faraway and distorted. There's so much questions that I've prepared to scream to him during one of those nightmarish nights, but I just couldn't say them now that his voice is right by my ear. 

  "I want to see you." I whispered. I want to see him so bad. 

  "Rest well, Dara."

  Why? My heart feels like it's ripping into a thousand pieces. Why is he doing this? Why is he doing this to me? What did I do wrong?

  "Don't do this." I begged softly. My tears have already lost grip on my eyes, falling freely on my hands that are furiously wiping them away. Beside me, Bom and Hani have lowered their heads, as if they didn't wanted to intervene.

  The long pause on Jiyong's side is driving me insane. Why isn't he reacting? Why are all of his answers so short?

  "Don't make me find you, Jiyong." I tried spitefully. "I'll do the Casino first, then Hardrock bar, then..."

  "I'll come." He cut me off abruptly, before the line went dead.

  I knotted my fingers together as I tried to concentrate all of my attention onto my fingernails in order to ignore the fierce thumping inside my chest. It was nervousness, dread, anxiety, and hope all mingled into one. 


  Bom and Hani had left the room to myself, knowing that I needed it. Every minute that passed while I waited felt like torture. Finally, a gust of wind bought a scent into the room.

  It was Jiyong's cologne. 

  Time stopped as he stepped in, the sound of his oxford shoes clicking against the cold floor becoming the only sound that I could hear in that moment. His hair was pulled back slickly and he was wearing a white shirt with a high collar, his hands tucked inside the pockets of his black colour pants. I stared at him as if he's the source of the gravity held my whole world together, stunned and hurt by how perfect he looks while I'm here in a wreck.

  Jiyong halted his steps just before he reached my bed, his eyes looking flatly at my face, devoid of emotions. There was no concern, no worry, no nothing. It feels as if someone had drenched a bucket of ice cold water all over me.

  "Let's make this quick." Jiyong said plainly. 

  His words echoed by my ears and all I could feel was that sharp throbbing pain in my heart. It was a torture almost unbearable. He looks at me without love in his eyes and suddenly I felt like a stranger. This must be a hallucination. A nightmare that I'm begging to wake up from.

  "Jiyong-" I began, forcing his name out of my throat. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. There's no reason for him to do this. I have to settle this rationally. Since when did he became like this? 

  "The crash... are you hurt?" I tried reaching out to him, but he cut across me.

  "Get straight to the point, Dara." 

  Jerk. I could feel tears well up in my eyes. It hurts so bad. My heart felt as it it is being pricked by a thousand splinters as it struggled to keep a steady beat. It hurts so much that I wanted it to stop. Why is he doing this to me? We were fine before. We really were. It hurts so much that's he's so near yet so far. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

  "What is wrong with you?" I managed to whisper as I stared at him with disbelief. Since when did he turn into a stranger overnight? Since when did he stopped looking at me with that light in his eyes? Since when did he stopped loving me?

  "I'm here to end this, Dara. End us." Jiyong said monotonously, his expression stoic. 

  More pain. Pain that threatened to swallow me, pain that threatened to split my body into pieces.

  "No." I said forcefully, using every strength that I have left to stop my tears from falling. Why?

  Jiyong sighed and glanced around the room in frustration. Why? How can he sound so clear about leaving me when I'm so entirely confused? Why?

  "I'm not here for a discussion, Dara." 

  This must be a nightmare. 

  "Jiyong.." I pleaded in despair. My greatest fear had came true, only that I never expected it to hurt so much. I love him so much. "You don't have to do this." 

  "I don't." He answered, skimming his eyes across my face. "But I want to. And it's time to."

  Each word that escapes from his mouth punches me on the face. My lips trembled, and the tears that are accumulating behind my eyes get heavier. It feels like I can't hold them in any longer. 

  "I love you." I said desperately. Jiyong flinched at the words. "Don't leave." I couldn't care any less about my pride now. The words that he never let me say at the theme park.. I'm saying them now.

  "Stop it, Dara. Get back on with your own life." Jiyong turned around but I lunged forward and grabbed onto his sleeve pathetically, my tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. 

  "I said I love you, Ji. Is it so hard to stay for me? Is it really impossible to stay for me?" I sobbed bitterly, desperate to cling onto him for as long as I can hold on. But he stiffened and pried my hands forcefully off himself. 

  "Don't make me feel bad for you, Park." He whispered quietly. 

  I am helpless as he moved out of my reach, and I never thought I could hate anyone as much as I hated myself in that moment for being unable to keep him. My world crumbled as he walked out of the ward without a backward glance. The pain was so much that I thought I would die from it. It was only when he had completely disappeared from my blurry vision that it hits me.

  He doesn't love me anymore.

  The last strand of hope that I was grabbing onto broke and I spiraled down an endless pit of despair. I feel my insides tears and the blood drain from my face. It was unbearable. I curled myself on the bed in a futile attempt to ease the ocean of grief that's drowning me as all of the fear, longing and anxiety that built up for the past few days snapped. I cried like I have never did before, completely destroyed and in ruins. 

  Bom came running into the room, screaming words that I couldn't hear in response to my hysterical sobbing. How can I be hurting this much? 

  The man that I love, is gone.

[-]

  "The Mafia is in a mess right now." The blonde mused as he tapped on the glass tank fondly. The Great White Shark in it snarled, agitated, snapping its jaws vainly against the transparent barrier.

  "They have to be." The older man with him smiled knowingly. "This is the perfect time."

  "I can't wait to reveal you to Victory. Can't wait to see that look on his face." Kris laughed darkly.

  Cha Seungwon smirked as he turned away from his pet. "Did you kill Kwon Jiyong?"

  "Nah, fractured a couple of leg bones and broke his girl. But he's good."

  "Good. Save him for me. I want to end him myself." Cha said pleasantly. "Do we have info on the next Mafia dealing?"

  "You bet. Even I'm surprised how far Victory is willing to spill to keep his dear brother safe." 

  "Oh, there're many more things he might surprise you about. Always keep your back watched. When we break the Mafia's source of dealing, we'll be able to take over the trade. That's when we can completely and cleanly pound them to dust." 

A shorter chapter this week.

Writing this is emotionally draining.