“Do you want to hear a story?” Jisoo asks over her fat free latte. Her hair shimmers in the thin light cast into the cafe from the window. No matter how I look at her she’s somehow at the perfect angle.

I spoon some whipped cream from my hot chocolate into my mouth with my finger.

“Not really.” I tell her, trying to mimic her excited face as I wipe my hands on my pants.

“You’re not curious about those two?” Jisoo asks again, visibly disappointed in my reaction.

“Those two?” I feign ignorance.

Of course I’m curious.

It’s killing me, I’m so curious.

I wanted to ask Hanbin a hundred times but it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it. After I saw the way he looked that night I knew it would only hurt him. There were things like that, too, that hurt me too much to relive.

Some things were just meant to fester inside of us.

Wounds that shouldn’t ever be shared with others.

“No.” I tell her with a little smile. “Hanbin doesn’t want to talk about it so I’ll respect his opinion.”

“But you’re still curious, though, right?” She bats her eyes, lowering her voice as if she knows she’s doing something she shouldn’t and is worried she’ll be overheard. I know it’s just a show. She doesn’t care who hears. I can see it in her eyes, a familiar emotion, that this is when she’s at her happiest. “Hanbin was supposed to come to our high school, you know. He wanted to be a dancer.”

I laugh despite myself, my eyes rolling in the back of my head.

“My Hanbin?” I ask in disbelief. “Say something believable if you’re going to talk about people, Kim Jisoo. His parents wouldn’t let that happen, anyway.”

“They didn’t.” Jisoo smiles and I swallow. I caught her bait and now she has me by her hook. “Those two, they had a fight because Hanbin ruined their audition to an entertainment company. He went to another school without telling anyone and disappeared. Bobby’s been trying to keep in touch even though he was hurt and, well, you know the rest. It’s amazing, boys are just as petty as girls, right?”

“That’s enough.” I sigh, an uncomfortable ache in my chest. I stand up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I shoot her, what I hope is, a sharp look. “I’ll be going first, then. Don’t spread that story around unnecessarily when it has nothing to do with you.”

-&-

I try not to think about my conversation with Jisoo but it’s still there, always present in the back of my head, every time I see Hanbin. I find myself scrutinizing him more than usual. I can’t take him at face value anymore, always wondering if there’s something I’m missing.

I watch him as he clutches onto a cup of coffee, his hood pulled up over his hat and tied by its strings around his neck into a little bow. His cheeks are pink and hands are blue. It’s been a harsh winter day and we’ve barely slept. Maybe now that the winter session was over we could finally rest.

He glances up and catches me staring, his brows furrowing in confusion before settling back into his usual blank faced calm.

“Professor Choi is coming back for the new year holiday.” Hanbin tells me as if he’d just remembered. “You’re spending that week with us, right?”

“It’s almost that time, huh?” I sigh, flexing my icy fingers inside my jacket. We’d run away from the cold and barricaded ourselves in a cafe but it was hard to get warm with the doors opening and closing. Spring semester would be starting soon but it was hard to think of spring when winter raged outside, chilly and bleak. I shrug. “I might as well, will the whole family be there?”

He nods, twirling a spoon between his fingers.

“Your roommate isn’t going to be alone, is she?”

“Jimin?” I furrow my brows. “She’s spending the holiday with the family she works for.

“Her family lives in Thailand, right?”

“Why are you so curious?” I snap.

“I’m not.” He draws back, pulling his hat over his face with a huff. “It must be lonely for her to not get to see her family, that’s all.”

I purse my lips, staring at him with narrowed eyes. Was he really talking about me?

“She has her friends so I think she’ll be fine.” I tell him quietly, sipping at my drink that had gone cold from sitting untouched on the table.

For my drink to get cold, how long had we been sitting here? I check my phone, eyes widening in panic as I stand up quickly. Hanbin’s head snaps up as he looks at me, alarmed by my sudden movements.

“What’s wrong?” He asks as I loop my scarf around my neck and put my bag over my shoulder.

“I’m supposed to meet NamTae.” I tell him as he stands up, staring at me. I button up my jacket. “I’m going to be late, I have to go right now.”

“Why are you meeting Nam?” Hanbin’s asking but I’m already on my way out.

“I’ll tell you later, I have to go!” I yell back at him, waving my arms as I run off toward the psychology building.

-&-

“I don’t want to go to an outdoor bar in the middle of a blizzard.” Jimin complains over the phone as we sit side by side on the bus.

Our sides press together to share warmth. I look at Jimin’s legs, covered only by black tights, and I see her skin turning red through the thin material. I wish she’d worn pants. No man is worth freezing to death. I rest my head against hers as I listen in on her conversation, my eyes focused on the falling snow passing by outside.

I try to count the snowflakes that stick onto the glass, then melt, as Jimin stubbornly argues her way out of meeting at a tent bar.

“Their spicy rice cake soup is the best, I promise.” Jimin smiles, tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear. She tells the man on the other end she’ll text him the directions and hangs up. She lets her head bonk against mine, letting out a deep sigh. “He’s so dumb but I like him so much.”

I laugh at her exhausted confession, “Are you bragging right now?”

We get to the restaurant first and Jimin orders, joking around with the shop owner like the two of them are best friends. It never ceases to amaze me how Jimin can act at home no matter where she goes. She has friends everywhere.

“Is Jackson on his way?” I ask, taking a small sip of water as I watch Jimin get started with her first beer.

“Yeah, I went ahead and ordered since he’ll get here by then anyway.” She shrugs and I laugh. She’s probably just hungry and doesn’t want to wait anymore. “Why didn’t you invite Kim Hanbin to come eat with us?”

“It would be weird.” Like a double date. I scrunch up my face at the thought. Hanbin probably would have felt awkward since he doesn’t know Jimin well in the first place. Plus, we’ve been friends for a while but have never gone out for drinks. I don’t think I’ve ever even heard him mention alcohol.

“How is our Hanbin?” Jimin grins. “Are you two still fighting?”

“When were we ever fighting?” I scoff, quickly changing the subject. “He asked about you the other day, he was worried you’d be lonely during the holidays.

“He was worried about me?” Jimin giggles, cradling her chubby cheeks in her hands cutely. “I always thought Hanbin was secretly in love with me.”

“Who’s Hanbin?” A voice demands from behind us and I jump as a guy in a hoodie and jacket squeezes in next to Jimin on the bench. He’s handsome with bleached hair and wild, dark eyebrows as he steals Jimin’s beer. This must be Jackson. He notices me looking at him and smiles, reaching over the table to shake my hand. “Hayi? It’s nice to meet you, I’m Jackson. I work with Jimin.”

Work with. I don’t have to look to know that Jimin cringes at his words.

I give him a tiny smile and a nod, shaking his hand lightly.

Just as Jimin had predicted, our food arrives shortly after Jackson sat down and we order more drinks. I let myself have a beer despite knowing what happens every time I drink with Jimin. It would be too strange not to drink, being forced together with Jimin and the boy she’s talk about everyday since she started her part time job. I dreaded this dinner and yet, somehow it’s more awkward than I had imagined.

I watch as Jimin and Jackson talk and eat and laugh. They exchange looks and touch each other’s shoulders and faces and then laugh again. I purse my lips, feeling like the left out third wheel. Maybe I should have invited Hanbin just to have someone to talk to, even if he would have felt just as out of place.

“The spicy rice cake soup is good, right?” Jimin smiles and Jackson nods through a mouthful.

He eats a lot.

Men can always get away with eating a lot.

“It’s good but why did we have to come here?” He asks her, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. Jimin smacks him in disgust before handing him a napkin. “Why didn’t we just go to my family’s restaurant, we could have eaten for free?”

“Hayi and I are eating for free anyway, aren’t you paying?” Jimin shrugs and I can’t help but laugh as the boy freaks out. He laughs, too, and I understand why Jimin likes him. They’re similar, they make each other laugh.

“I’ll pay, I get it. You’re taking advantage of me because I’m a chaebol.”

“How are you a chaebol? Your family owns a Chinese restaurant.”

“And a dumpling cart.” He counters with a smirk.

I listen to the two of them bicker, chewing on a piece of rice cake thoughtfully and slowly sipping at my beer. Jimin and Jackson had made soju bombs and I drank one out of courtesy but regretted it as they kept making me drink. My body feels warm, the small restaurant becoming suffocatingly hot. I my lips, tasting strongly of alcohol.

Every time. This happens every time.

“I’m going to go get some air.” I mention quietly as I stand up on shaky legs. Jackson and Jimin don’t seem to notice as I slip away, too absorbed in each other. I close the shop door behind me softly, rubbing my hands together as I lean against the cold exterior brick wall. I just want to go home and sleep. Jimin wouldn’t let me go home alone, though, and I don’t want to ruin her night.

I wonder what Hanbin is doing right now?

I let my eyes flutter shut, feeling snowflakes dust across my face like frozen butterflies kissing my cheeks. The cold feels good against my warm body, my temperature slowly cooling down. I flex my fingers in my pockets as they start to get cold.

“Hayi, what are you doing here?” I hear a voice call out my name and I don’t want to open my eyes in case it’s a dream. I hate myself for even thinking about him, for hearing his voice when I close my eyes. “Have you been drinking?”

My eyes open slowly as I see him standing in front of me. Tall, dimpled, and worried. Bobby.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” I huff, turning my face away as he walks closer to me.

“I’ll see you guys later!” He shouts at a group of guys our age and I frown. No. I don’t want to talk to him. Hanbin would be mad. “You didn’t drink alone, did you?”

“Why did you use me?” I ask him, my fists clenching inside my pockets. “You knew I was friends with Hanbin…”

“I’m so sorry, Hayi.” He apologizes, reaching out to steady me as I slump against the wall. His grip is strong on my arm as I shoot him a glare. “I was desperate to talk to Hanbin. I’m sorry I used you, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You didn’t hurt my feelings.” I lie. I put my hand on his arm to make him let go but he keeps holding onto me.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes again and can I hate him when he sounds so sincere? If he was sorry then why did he even do it? I don’t want to like him. I thought I had gotten over it. “You didn’t even get a chance to give me a gold star sticker.”

I look at him and laugh despite myself. “Gold star? I had to take it away.”

“Oh, you did?” He smirks and there’s that dimple, sitting perfectly on his cheek. “It’s better to have lost a gold star than to never have earned one at all, I guess.”

“Hayi!” Jimin shrieks as she jumps out the door. “What are you doing out here? You scared me! Who is this guy?”

“Hello, my name is Kim Jiwon. I go to school with Hayi.” He bows politely, removing his hand from my arm. “I was out with my club members and noticed Hayi’s had too much to drink so I was worried about her.”

“Oh, really?” Jimin raises an eyebrow. She looks to me to confirm it and I nod. “Thank you, we didn’t even realize she wandered off on us.”

“I’m sorry Jimin.” I tell her meekly. “I think I’m just going to go home.”

“Wait, Jackson and I will go with you.” Jimin looks back to the restaurant and I can see on her face she doesn’t want to leave.

I shake my head.

“I’ll be fine on my own.” I give her a smile and a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I just need to get my purse, I left it at the table.”

“Hayi, I’m not going to let you go home alone. You’ll get murdered and dumped somewhere in a ditch.” Jimin argues, shooting a wary look at the tall boy next to me. “Are you two really friends?”

Bobby nods innocently and my eyes widen as I start to see where Jimin is going with this.

“Park Jimin!” I whine. “Why are you being like this? I can go alone!”

-&-

“Sorry, you were out with your friends.” I apologize in a small voice, eyes focused on the ground. I can feel myself sobering up after riding the bus and walking in the cold. Now, I just feel tired.

“It’s fine.” Bobby shrugs next to me, my purse looped over his neck. He insisted on carrying it after it kept sliding off of my shoulder and I almost left it on the bus. Twice. “This is the neighborhood, right?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “We’re almost there. It’s not that far from the university.”

There’s a silence that hangs in the air as we walk.

“I didn’t approach you because of Hanbin, not at first.” He says after a while as we turn onto my street. I look over at him in shock. “The first time I saw you in the union you were so funny. You looked so annoyed but you still nodded your head along the entire time. I wanted to get to know you. I just wanted to say that.”

“It’s okay.” I smile with tight lips. Or at least I think it’s okay. It should be okay, for me to keep liking him.

“So, we’re friends?” He asks with a grin and I roll my eyes. He hits my shoulder when I don’t answer and I laugh.

It’s okay.

It’s okay for me to like him when he smiles like this.

“This is my apartment.” I start to say as I look up ahead of us and stop walking as I see the figure waiting outside, leaning against the building.

My eyes widen as his gaze slowly meets mine.

Hanbin.