Epilogue.

Kim Hanbin. 21 years old. Recently single.

Heart ripped out by best friend I’ve been pining after since forever. Trying to get my life back together again.

Trying is the operative word here.

“Are you sure you have everything?” Professor Choi’s asking like I’m a little kid, but I’ve never been outside of the country before. That was always her thing.

“Yeah, I got it.” I try not to roll my eyes, since she was doing the best she could. At least she was trying to take responsibility. Since it was all her fault, anyway.

No, that’s not true.

Hayi.

It was Hayi’s fault.

And my fault.

Mostly my fault.

That Hayi couldn’t love me the way I wanted.

That I couldn’t let Hayi love me the way she needed.

“Sir?”

“Ah, sorry.” I shove my passport and boarding pass out, twiddling with my fingers against the suitcase. I didn’t even have a suitcase, Professor Choi ended up insisting she’d buy me one.

The mystique of travel is lost on me as I roll my suitcase into the security line. I try to focus on the other people travelling alone, not on the couples. I try not to wonder if the people travelling alone are going to meet a loved one. I want to think they’re like me. Unhappy. Unattached.

Going through the motions.

Shoes off, shoes on.

Hands up, hands down.

Clear.

I sigh, looking at the boarding pass again to confirm my gate. Professor Choi texts me again, making sure I’ve gotten through security.

I find a chair away from other people, setting my suitcase in front of me. I stick my headphones in my ears, trying to find a playlist that doesn’t bum me out. Somehow, everything finds a way to remind me of her. I in a deep breath, not wanting to get lost in my thoughts again.

When I see her, I’m not sure if it’s my mind ing with me again. That’s the whole reason I’m boarding a plane to London: because I see her everywhere. On the bus, at school, in class. She was everywhere and I couldn’t take it anymore.

But she’s looking back at me.

She’s looking at me and I don’t think it’s just in my head.

All I can do is look at her, eyes wide and mouth gaping like an idiot.

And I’m now I’m smiling, because I hate her.

I hate her so much for everything she’s put me through.

“I’m so sorry, Hanbin. I lied…”

I hate her.

But not really.

I never could.

So I smile, and she starts to laugh.

“Why are you here?”

It’s not fate that she’s sitting beside me, I know that. There are other students from our university on the flight as well.

It’s not fate that she’s next to me.

If it was fate she would talk to me. She’d laugh or smile again. She’d be doing anything but glaring at me.

“Professor Choi suggested this study abroad to me.” I tell her finally, the silence becoming suffocating in the pressurized cabin. “I didn’t follow you or anything…”

Her facial expression softens. Her lips form a little O in surprise.

“But she suggested it… to me…?”

And just like that she’s laughing again.

She takes me to all the tourist traps, even though she complains the whole time. I watch the way her face transforms from wonder to happiness.

Her fingers tickle against my palm, her thumb brushes gently against the inside of my wrist.

We go to the museum and I watch her yawn in boredom, then stand as close as possibly, her eyebrows knit together in thought.

I wish I could read her thoughts, see inside of her mind. Her beautiful, complex, flawed, and wonderful mind. Everything would have been easier if I could’ve just known what she was thinking.

Or maybe if I had just thought to ask.

“What is it?” She grunts in annoyance, brushing her hair behind her ear.

The rays of sunshine from the high vaulted windows makes her eyes glitter different shades of bronze.

“Was I staring?” I ask, even though I know I was. It’s hard to pay attention to the books in front of me when I was still scared she’d disappear the moment I looked away.

I sneak my hand across the table, grasping onto hers.

She tries to shake me off but I tickle at her skin.

“Did you come to the library to learn or to play?”

“To play.”

A smile creeps onto her face in amusement. Her tiny tongue darts out to wet her lips.

I can’t keep my eyes off of her.

My hand always finds hers.

My fingers caress her soft skin.

Her laugh is like the bells from the chapels.

Her kisses taste like peppermint and black tea.

“Why are we doing this?” She whines, her body swaying in frustration and boredom as we stand in line.

“Because you can’t go to London without riding the London Eye.” I tell her matter-of-factly, watching as she pouts, gaze preoccupied by the river in front of us.

I like to watch Hayi watch things. I wonder what the world looks like through her eyes. I can only guess by her sighs, her smiles, her widening eyes.

“Finally.” She huffs, stepping onto the capsule as I hold her waist to steady her.

I can only laugh under my breath as her annoyance turns to wonder once the ferris wheel starts to carry us into the sky.

She looks out at the skyline without saying anything, her fingers pressed into the glass as if she could touch the rooftops and spires.

Slowly, she turns around, catching me looking at her. Her hand reaches out to touch my cheek, her fingers lingering on my skin.

“What is it?” I ask breathlessly, the air knocked from my lungs by the look in her eyes.

“I love you.” She tells me, her eyes never looking away from mine. “I’m sorry I held it in for so long, Hanbin. I love you.”

She leans forward to kiss me, her lips soft and sweet.

We watch the ripples in the Thames, flocks of gulls flying over the water.

I can’t help but be reminded of the night at the beach, the way we clung to each other desperately even though everything was falling apart.

“Do you still want to be a fisherman?” She asks, watching a boat cross the water.

“No.” I answer with a chuckle. “I’ve given up on that dream since you can’t cook anyway.”

She hits me lightly on the chest but it doesn’t hurt.

(It doesn’t hurt anymore.)

I take a large breath, watching the shadows that pass over her face and gathering my courage.

“Do you still want to spend forever with me?”

She smiles.

“I do.”

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Author's Note: Thank you again to everyone who has read, upvoted, commented, and subscribed. I love you all very much. I hope this story has been everything you hoped it would be. I knew I wanted the epilogue to be Hanbin's perspective, so I hope you enjoyed that as well. 

Thank you so much for reading The Humanity Formula!

❤❤❤