“She’s pretty.” The words fall out of my mouth without much thought.

A cute small face, long and shiny black hair. Skinny. Probably a dance major, judging by the way she holds herself up as if by an invisible string tugging at the top of her head.

My chipped nails dig into my hamburger bun as I follow her with my eyes. There’s a pain in my stomach, my grip tightens. I can’t look away, even if it makes me angry to look at her. Why am I embarrassed? My teeth grit together.

“Yeah.” The boy next to me agrees, not looking. “Why’re we eating by the music building?”

“It’s nice here.” I shrug, my eyes darting to the students leaving the building. Classes must be getting out now. We still have at least an hour. Hanbin and I carefully crafted our schedules to allow for a long lunch break. It’s our only break of the day.

My eyes linger on another student. This time, a guy. Tall, backpack slung over his shoulder. He’s laughing with his friends. Why do music students even need backpacks? Hanbin seems to notice him, too, but looks away.

“Your advising was today, right?” He changes the subject.

“Yeah.” I nod, still watching the guy. Dimple, I see a dimple. “Yours is tomorrow?”

“It wasn’t bad, right?” Hanbin asks, stuffing his double bacon cheeseburger into his mouth. It’s incredible every time, like a garden snake swallowing a cow.

“Of course not.” I scoff offhandedly, stealing a fry from Hanbin’s grease stained bag. “My grades are where they need to be. My English is good. I’m going to grad school, not much more to say…”

“You said you didn’t want fries.” He grouches but moves the bag closer to me on the bench. “I’ll say that, too, I guess. I’ll go to grad school.”

“We kind of have it easy, in a way. We don’t need to worry about getting into companies.” I joke, washing down my fry with a diet coke.

“Yeah, we’ve got it so good.” Hanbin rolls his eyes, leaning back against the bench. I try not to notice when his hand accidentally flicks the back of my head as he stretches. “Professor Choi called me this morning, she’s really scary. I don’t know how she found out about my advising appointment.”

“She did?” My brows pop up. “Well, she is technically still faculty, even if she’s in England right now. Maybe she got the schedule or something.”

“Professor Lee hasn’t asked you about it?”

“He doesn’t care about stuff like that.” I sigh. “Anytime I let him know he just tells me to handle it on my own. He trusts me.”

I’m an adult. I can take of it myself. He trusts me.

Of course you’d get into that school. You’re a good student. Did you think you wouldn’t get an A?

“Professor Choi isn’t like that at all.” Hanbin murmurs. “She keeps track of me even across the world. It’s as if she doesn’t have enough to worry about, so she worries about her son, too.”

“Did she tell you that Professor Lee is in London, too?” I ask. Hanbin is the only person in the world I can truly commiserate with. He’s the only one who understands what it’s like to be a professor’s child. He nods, focusing on his food. “Her university is holding a seminar on physicochemical whatever. He’s a guest speaker.”

“I heard.” I can tell he’s starting to get annoyed. It’s hard for him to go a day without someone bringing up his mother, the great Professor Choi. I know what it’s like to live in the shadow but sometimes it feels like Hanbin and I don’t have much in common other than our parents. His gaze is lowered and I can feel him start to float away, somewhere I can’t reach. Somewhere he can get away. “The other Professor Choi is there, too.”

“Your uncle?” I ask in surprise. “Does that mean class is cancelled this week?”

Hanbin laughs and I feel relieved.   

-&-

A melody plays impossibly sweet in my ear as I fight to concentrate on the notes in front of me. It’s hard to care about Piaget’s developmental theory when my shoulders hurt. My eyes sting. My back aches.

And the boy on the piano plays on.

Whether I know the difference between a scheme or a schema, he plays on.

I tap my pen against the thick notepad, not wanting to look up. If I look up then I know he and I will make painful and obvious eye contact. I never understood why there would be a piano in the middle of the student union, as if it were a hotel lobby. Were the practice rooms in the music building not enough? The wooden upright in the amphitheatre not public enough? There had to be a baby grand by my favorite place to quietly eat alone while I study.

If a music major performs and there’s no one to show off to, do they even make a sound?

I gnaw on my pen. My legs shake as I try to focus myself back to my notes. There’s a test in a few days, I have to stop distracting myself. I’m studying real information, doing real work, not playing around with a toy. I want to enjoy the sonata for its peaceful ambiance but the jealousy won’t stop bubbling up.  

I tried to play once. I picked at the keys cluelessly when no one was around to hear. It only made a cacophonous sound. My fingers withdrew immediately, as if burned. It was the effect of accidentally knocking a demolition ball against a glass building. Mozart shook in his grave and even Beethoven heard.

I throw my notes into my bag and sling it over my shoulders, standing up from my chair. The legs scratch loudly across the tile at the sudden movement. My eyes dart up immediately, making eye contact with the boy at the piano as he pauses his playing mid-movement. We stare at each other in shock. I can feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. The flush creeps across my entire body, he’s not the only one looking at me.

I stare down at the floor, grip tightly onto the straps of my backpack, and run.

-&-

I set my drink and bread on the counter as I shyly smile at the cashier. She rings up my two items as I dig through my pockets. My eyes widen as my hands come up empty. I laugh nervously as the employee sighs, setting my bag on the counter to search for my wallet. I put it in my backpack, I had to. I stop myself from emptying out my bag, my heart racing as I remember that I left it in Hanbin’s jacket earlier that day.

“I’m so sorry. I hope you can cancel that, I can’t buy these today.” I apologize as I scoot the items toward the cashier. My head stays to the ground as I quickly leave the store, knowing that a line had started to form.

I feel guilty and stupid and my stomach won’t stop growling at me. I pat my tummy in apology but it only clenches painfully in response. I just needed to grab something quick to eat since I traded my lunch time for a precious hour of cramming.

“Kim Hanbin, will you save me?” I whine as I step aside from the store, my back pressed against the cold brick. My body burns with embarrassment and my heart won’t stop pumping furiously, keeping me warm despite the weather. The phone screen feels cool against my cheek and I can hear him sigh on the other end of the line. “You haven’t left for the academy yet, right? Would you grab something for me to eat before class?”

There’s a tap on my arm and I half expect it to be Hanbin but it’s too timid. Too gentle. Hanbin would have smacked me.

I look over my shoulder and it’s the piano boy, tall and dimpled and biting his lip. I tell Hanbin I’ll see him soon and hang up as he grumbles at me over the phone. Piano Boy places something in my hand as I turn to face him. I stare down at my hands in confusion. It’s the food I was going to buy.   

“Thank you.” I tell him as I realize what he’d done. “I promise I’ll pay you back.”

The words seem to form slowly from my lips. I don’t know what to say. I feel more inconvenienced than thankful, but I know I can’t say that. The small package of bread seems to weigh heavy in my hand. The bottle of water feels like an enormous burden.

I still don’t know where to look.

“How can you pay me back when we don’t even know each other.” He says, his tone lolling and steady. He’s probably good with girls. He’s probably pretty popular. I’m ready to say goodbye when a twinkle in his eye distracts me. “You can pay me back… with information.”

“Information?”

What?

“We’ve met before, right?” He asks and my heart drops into my empty stomach. “At the union?”

“Yes.” I admit with hot cheeks. I want to run away but my feet betray me, sticking heavily to the concrete. There’s no hope for escape.

“What’s your name?”

My legs feel like jelly so how are they so heavy?

“It’s Hayi.” My teeth gnaw at my lips and I squeeze the little bread in my hand. “Lee Hayi.”

“Do you play piano, too?” He asks eagerly and I shake my head, no clue where he got that idea from. “Ah, okay. I saw you tapping your fingers along with the piano but I guess you just really like music. But you’re not a music major, though? I’ve never seen you around before.”

He talks so much. My heart rams against my chest. It’s not a gentle flutter at all, it hurts. Is this what it means to fall for someone? I don’t know where to look, he’s smiling for no reason at all. He’s handsome no matter where I look.

Staring at my shoes is the safest thing to. I don’t get why he’s still trying to talk to me, or why he approached me in the first place. My phone vibrates in my other hand, probably Hanbin. I’ll be late for the TOEIC class if I don’t leave soon.

“I’m a psychology major.” I reply quickly, still not looking up. “Thank you again, but I have to go right now. I’m going to be late for my academy.”  

“Wait! I wanted to give you this.” He stops me as I start to walk away. He hands me a piece of paper, a flyer. “It’s our first performance for the semester. If you like piano, you should come. I’m playing the accompaniment.”

“Oh, thanks.” I bow quickly, giving him an awkward smile. I quickly turn around, walking away as fast as I can without running.

“Study hard!” I hear him shout after me and I want to laugh at the absurdity.

I peek at the flyer clenched in my hand, noticing a familiar name in the header.

Choreography by Lee Chaerin.  

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A/N: Thank you so much for subscribing. It's my first time writing a story like this so I hope you enjoy it.