Mark I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m here now.

Mark watched wide eyed as Jinyoung’s eyes squeezed shut and fluttered in blinking motions.

“Jinyoung??” Mark exclaimed getting up out of the chair and squeezing his hand even tighter.

“JAE!!! JAE!!! GET THE DOCTOR NOW!!!” Mark yelled and Jae ran in the room when he heard his name being called that urgently.

“What? What is it? Why are you yelling?”

Mark just stepped aside to show a now blank staring Jinyoung on the bed. At this Jae’s eyes widened and he froze to the spot. Jinyoung was actually awake. He woke up. He woke up after a year. It actually happened.

“What the are you doing? Get the doctor!” Mark yelled at him again and Jae had to blink a couple times to get himself back to present times and immediately left the room to go and alert the doctor.

“M-Mark….” A small croaky voice called out as soft as a gentle breeze but as if Mark’s ears were only attuned to that voice he turned towards Jinyoung who had a faint smile on his face.

“Jinyoung….Jinyoungie….Omg Jinyoungie, I don’t know what to say…um hi?” he ended lamely.

Jinyoung smiled a bit more and tried to laugh but ended up gently coughing causing Mark to be worried. Jinyoung patted his hand reassuringly and said in a small whisper “Hi…”

Mark wasn’t sure what to say anymore so he just stared into the eyes he loved the most and held the soft but thin hands that seemed to barely have any strength in them.

Jinyoung also stayed quiet whether it was because he could barely use his voice or he also didn’t have anything to say Mark didn’t know. He just knew that the faint smile on his face made him so happy.

He was so happy he didn’t even realized he was crying till Jinyoung used his other hand that wasn’t trapped in Mark’s to softly wipe away tears from his cheeks. “Don’t cry. I’m here.” Jinyoung croaked out and then made a face at the sound of his own voice. “This is worse than puberty.”

At this Mark let out a laugh which also seemed almost like a sigh of relief.

“How can you joke around at a time like this?”

“Joke? I think I’m a naturally *cough cough* entertaining person. See you’re smiling”

“Because you’re being silly” Mark said with an exasperated laugh and Jinyoung chuckled as well. The doctor and Jae interrupted their moment by barging in through the door.

“Jinyoung sshi, are you awake?” the doctor asked as he went to Jinyoung’s side. Mark seeing the doctor was going to sit back and release Jinyoung’s hand but Jinyoung kept his hand tightly wrapped around his but had his attention on the doctor instead.

“Ok, follow my fingers with your eyes. Good. Raise your right hand……raise it again. Good. Can you make your hand into a fist? Good. Can you raise your left leg? Ok put it back down.”

Jae and Mark watched silently as the doctor asked more questions to Jinyoung who answered either with nods or shakes of the head or verbally.

The doctor smiled after his questioning. “This is good Jinyoung sshi, you still have all of your motor skills and no nerve damage. Maybe through a couple weeks of rehab you will be ok. Just practice moving, speaking and such and I’m sure you’ll make a speedy recovery.”

At this both Jae and Mark lit up. That means he can recover on time to debut with them.

“I’ll make a call to the company and also to your parents to let them know you’re awake. Welcome back Jinyoung sshi.” The doctor finished and left the room.

After the doctor left Jae rushed to Jinyoung and hugged him and snuggled his head in his neck causing Jinyoung to chuckle. “I thought you didn’t like skinship.”

“I like it when it’s my favourite dongsaeng’s who I missed so much.” Jae teared up and Jinyoung seeing him in this state also almost started crying as well.

Mark awkwardly sat there kind of jealous because Jae was hugging his Jinyoung who had let go of his hand to be reunited with Jae. It’s at moments like this when they smiled at each other with fondness built over time he realized that he didn’t really have memories with Jinyoung. He didn’t really have much with Jinyoung at all except for a couple encounters but the younger still had his whole heart.

Jae and Jinyoung conversed while Mark sat and happily watched Jinyoung interact with his hyung. It was then he realized that Jinyoung knew a lot of English since Jae kept speaking Konglish and Jinyoung sometimes responded in English to Jae as well.

‘I really don’t know much about him at all’ Mark thought to himself starting to feel a bit unsure but the way Jinyoung would periodically glance at him to make sure he was okay and smiled at him made him know that his time with Jinyoung would come later because Mark could sense the forever in Jinyoung’s eyes.

It was around 20 minutes into conversing with both Mark and Jae that the rest of both Team 1 and 2 alongside JYP and other trainees walked into the room shocking the three of them.

Mark started to back away from Jinyoung’s bed as the others swarmed him with hugs and questions. They all looked so happy and shared a sense of familiarity that for once Mark felt really out of place.

Jinyoung was really popular and also close to a lot of people in the dorm seeing how many people had missed him. The bright smile with adoration he thought was only for him was truly for a lot more people.

Mark couldn’t bear to be in the room anymore when JB went over to Jinyoung with tears in his eyes and hugged him, kissed his forehead and stayed by his side holding his hand. Not once did Jinyoung turn his eyes away to look for Mark.

So, Mark left the hospital room and walked dejectedly down the hallway.

He did not belong in that room and for the first time he realized Jinyoung did not only belong to him.

Back at the dorm, Mark laid in his bed in his empty room. The dorm was empty, the room was empty, Mark felt empty but his brain was anything but as it kept thinking back to Jinyoung.

Mark would feel himself smile at the memories of him waking up just to frown again at the way Jinyoung was with the others.

How can I be sure he loves me when he barely knows me? How can I even be sure I love him when I barely know him?

The silence was not helping his insecurities at all. So many questions were floating around his head and he was started to wish that he had stayed at the hospital instead so that such thoughts wouldn’t be easily flowing around. What was he even thinking, being there would have been worse because he would be watching his insecurities in his face instead.

But he was already starting to miss Jinyoung. He missed the warmth he actually felt from his body from when they touched since all of their contact has been cold before. He missed the sound of his voice no matter how altered it was from not being used for so long. He missed how his thin hands interlaced with his. He missed the warm gaze from his eyes. He missed how his hair fringe laid perfectly on his face even without him touching it.

Mark sighed and stared at the ceiling. Whilst the other members might have been able to talk to him and ask him if he remembered old times Mark again had nothing much to hold Jinyoung to. Heck, he barely knew much about him in his daily life but just a lot as a person like his nervous habits, his non intended touchiness, his cute way of avoiding topics he doesn’t like, the way he laughs and covers his mouth or the way he tries to laugh silently because he doesn’t like his laugh that much. But he knows nothing about his favourite food or drink, his favorite places to go to have fun or be alone, if he likes cooking or not.

Mark thrashed around his bed in frustration and picked up his pillow and stuffed his face in it to stifle a groan. He opened his eyes after letting out a huge sigh and his eyed landed on the small chartreuse green book that he kept under his pillow.

Jinyoung’s diary.

Mark stared at the book for a while.

Jinyoung gave him permission to read it a long time ago but he has always thought it was an invasion of privacy to read it.

Well…

Until now.

Mark picked up the book gingerly. He could find out about Jinyoung this way too so he won’t be as estranged to him as everyone else he thought to himself and opened it to the first page. Here goes nothing.

September 22, 2010

So today is my birthday and Jaebummie thought to get me a diary?

“Since you love reading, I thought you might want to write?” he said

As if every reader is a writer.

Mark smiled at the obvious sass in his writing, it was just like he was in person.

Well anyways, I’m not sure I’m going to make good use of you but I’ll try my best since it is a gift from Jaebummie.

This peach sticker was all that giant maknae got for me with the most erted reason. I gladly beat some sense into that child, I swear sometimes….

September 30, 2010

This was much sooner than I thought I’d ever be writing in here again but there is some news. We got split into teams meaning we are just that much closer to debuting. I’m so happy! o^^o

I’m kind of sad that Jaehyung hyung (so fun to say) or Wonpil won’t be with me but I’m happy with the team I have since we are already close. And of course I’m happy to be with Jaebum as well. We are just that inseparable of course. Even JYP noticed it. But somehow I don’t think Jae has quite realized it that much either.

October 6, 2010

This cannot be becoming a habit. I was never a writer and I shall never be.

Yet here I am once again. But I did just want to record this moment so I won’t forget it.

On this day at 3:25pm Jae asked me to just call him informally and not using hyung!!

I have no idea what it means! Does he feel the same way I do? Or is he just being nice since we are together all the time now? Aish I really don’t know and writing isn’t making anything any clearer so that’s where I’ll stop for today.

Mark frowned. “Feel the same way?” he mouthed to himself and kept reading.

October 30, 2010

Today seemed like a normal day.

I got up early as usual and took a hot shower to fully wake myself up then walked around the dorm to wake up the kids and Jae. After they were all at least rolling around I went to the kitchen to make a small breakfast for them and then boiled some water for tea. After I laid out the table, I called for them and they came as usual. They sat and chatted while I sipped at my earl gray tea. I don’t like talking in the morning so I was quiet as usual and then we went to our respective practices.

I’m still shocked at how such a normal day turned into this. How could this even happen? JYP called Jae and I to his office and I thought we were in trouble because the children kept messing around and not doing well in practice and as the hyungs we were supposed to do better but instead he said we were going to debut as a project group. Together. With Jae.

While I was still shocked, Jae got super happy and hugged me for the first time with that bright smile I loved so much on his face. I couldn’t help but be happy with him but now that I’m alone I’m wondering if I can actually do it? Can I be with him for all this training and then through debut without letting him know about my feelings?

December 25, 2011

Christmas!!! Omg I love Christmas!!! I miss my family and had to mail home presents but spending it with everyone was super fun. We played lots of games and ate so much food. SO MUCH FOOD! It was so great. This time around too Jae got me a book, but it was the one I was whining about not being able to buy since I was busy. It proves he actually listens to me <3

I was super happy about it and he also loved my gift as well. A ring engraved with JJP to signify us having our dreams come true together. I was happy that he didn’t think anything weird of it and put it on and hugged me thanks. I’ve never been so happy in my life.

Mark took a break and sighed again realizing the ring that JB always wears must be this ring that Jinyoung had gotten him.

December 26, 2011

Well this happened just a couple minutes ago but it is the next day but I had to write about this! Jackson came up with this really really dumb game where he had found….uh….missile toe? I should really study English more to keep up with him. But whatever that weird bush was, he said that in America people kiss under it on Christmas.

I was nervous and excited because I could kiss Jae! Well as much of a chance I also had of kissing Bambam, Jackson, and Yugy