CHAPTER – 11

Jessica POV

I stare at my phone since fifteen minutes ago but I still don’t know what to do. I read Taeyeon text hundred times but still can’t decide if I should go or not. I sigh and bite my lips as thinking of why the simple question like ‘ Want go out dinner with me tonight? ‘ suddenly become really hard to answer.

After thinking again for minute I finally decide to call .. Tiffany. I need someone to talk to, maybe given me some advice, but mostly I just want sharing.

“ Tiffany at your service! “ I chuckles when she answer my phone energetically.

“ Yah, where are you? “

“ Bathroom. I’m taking a bath, why? “

I laugh at her usual routine, “ I want talk about something and since your bath time taking at least an hour, I might just tell you now. “

“ Sure. What is it? “

I paused for moment as I bit my lips, “ I think, Taeyeon asking me out on date. “

“ Taeyeon the ‘accident’ guy? Wow Jessi you score big time girl ~ “

“ Yeah him .. hm, should I go? “ I lying down on my bed and stare at ceiling as I wait for Tiffany answer.

“ Of course! When the last time you actually go on date? “ she said excited.

I’m thinking but I can’t recall anything about my last date, “ Um.. long time ago? “

“ Exactly! I’m worry you might get dust if not get one soon. “

“ Yah! What are you talking about? “

“ I mean your heart hon, geez what are you thinking about? “ I heard Tiffany laugh so hard as I feel my cheek burning hot at some inappropriate thought.

“ But Tiff, don’t you think it’s too fast? “ I tell her my concern. Been long time away from dating world makes me feels like a rookies once again.

“ Oh my gosh Jessi, he just asking you on dinner not marriage! “

“ Yah I’m serious here. “ I frown at her answer. “ Something might happen if I go with him tonight. “

“ Yes, something good. Seriously what are you afraid of? “ she ask and makes me goes silent.

What I’m afraid of?

Well everything.

I don’t know since when, but I really careful when a guy start make a move on me. There’s a wall suddenly build up around me and prevent me to allow someone goes inside. If I got close to them, I set my mind to always be ready if they leave me, so I don’t have to feel the pain.

But I’m bleed anyway ..

I want to know how to love someone without afraid and worry they will leave us. How to enjoy the moment. I really should try open my heart and mind again, but its hard when so much people around me disappoint me. Friends, family, father ..

Yes, father. He left when I was four years old and never seen him again after it. I always look strong and seems like don’t need anybody, but I’m hurt deeply inside each time they leave. I hide so much pain and slowly close my heart.

“ Sica? Yah Jessica, are you still there? “ Tiffany voice remind me that she still there.

“ I’m here, sorry, I was thinking. “ I answer her.

“ Babe, you should stop thinking too much or you will get bald like Putin! “ I rolled my eyes at her lame joke, “ And talking about bald, tell me you already shaving down there because Jessi~ Taeyeon will faint if he saw you- “ I hang up on her and thro