“You seem happier hyung,” Daesung was leaning against the studio chair watching Youngbae make some arrangements to his part. “No, that’s not the right word. You seem…at peace.”

Youngbae grinned at him. “I feel at peace.”

He truly did. For months now, he’s been utterly and totally satisfied with himself. His control was back in place and he no longer dreamed of something that wasn’t initially his.

Youngbae learnt to cope and like he promised himself, time was able to heal everything. He didn’t care about Seungri anymore. Yes, he gave him little advices and pushed him to improve but that never passed the work/acquaintances barrier.

The last time Youngbae had a flinch of heart was long ago. They no longer lived together –much to Youngbae’s relief. At least now he can breathe normally.

One of those morning, they had to record and Seungri came late. Youngbae stood by the office’s Window sipping his coffee when he saw Seungri running from the parking lot as fast as he could to shelter himself from the rain. Seungri always forgets to bring an umbrella with him. Youngbae never understood that, surely it wouldn’t take a space in the car?

Just when Seungri reached the entrance, Jiyong welcomed him with a towel in hand. He stood there drying his hair smiling up to him like an affectionate lover. Jiyong was no longer taller than Seungri so the younger slightly bent his knees to allow Jiyong to dry him off.

The fulfilled smile on Jiyong’s lips and Seungri’s bright smile shot Youngbae like an arrow. He thought he was over it all. He thought it didn’t matter anymore. But the scene in front of him brought nausea to his insides. He stumbled a little unintentionally dropping the coffee mug.

It shattered to tiny little pieces by his feet. He remembered how his heart used to be like that. How he painstakingly picked them up piece by each bloody piece. Youngbae sighed and bent to do the same to the mug. One of the pieces cut his thumb and he swore when blood started to flow.

Youngbae searched his surroundings for a tissue when Seungri offered him a towel –the same towel that Jiyong dried his hair with few minutes ago.

“Keep it. I don’t want your filth.” Youngbae muttered calmly.

“But hyung you’re bleeding!” There was worry in Seungri’s voice but Youngbae chose to ignore it. Youngbae knew Seungri cared about him –as a hyung that is. He sent Youngbae messages and went out with him because he had to. Seungri didn’t want the public to say he was bad toward any of his hyungs.

“Leav