Youngbae dropped to his knees. The world was spinning too fast and Youngbae couldn’t clearly analyse what he just heard. Seungri…Accident…ICU…

NO. This can’t be true! Just no.

Youngbae didn’t know what was happening to him, it was like he was dissolving into another existence watching himself as a complete stranger. He was hollow. He was terrified. He was barely breathing.

“Youngbae ah! Youngbae ah! Are you okay?” Hyorin asked clutching him by the shoulders.

Youngbae looked at her but he knew his eyes were unfocused. “Seungi…he had an accident…and he…umm…he…” Youngbae choked on words. He is facing death. Youngbae couldn’t say the words out loud, it would kill him.

“I know.” Hyorin sympathized. “It’s all over Naver. Will you be alright?”

All over Naver. Youngbae was sound asleep when Seungri almost died. He shut the whole world out because of his own selfishness. He didn’t even know about the accident in time. Stupid, stupid Youngbae!

“Youngbae ah?” Hyorin’s voice was laced with worry.

“I think I…hurt him yesterday…” Youngbae was talking but he couldn’t hear his own words. “I told him I don’t care about him…I-I…” Tears streamed on Youngbae’s cheeks making him look more disoriented than he already was. “I will never forgive myself…I won’t...”

“Shhh” Hyorin soothed hugging him closer to her chest. “Breathe.” She smelled so good, Youngbae thought but his whole being was preoccupied by Seungri. What if something bad happens to him? How will Youngbae ever live with himself?

How will he ever live without Seungri? No, no. He can’t be thinking like that! Not now! He scolded himself.

“I have to…I have to go to the hospital.” Youngbae’s throat was restricted. He couldn’t even speak properly anymore.

Youngbae was disconnected from his surroundings. He felt Hyorin’s delicate fingers help him dress. He silently thanked her. He certainly would’ve gone out with nothing on if he was on his own. “I would love to come with you but it’s probably not good to be seen in public together.”

Youngbae absently nodded already at the door. He didn’t know how the drive went. He could’ve easily gotten into an accident himself with the way he was dazed. He felt the silent tears his cheeks. He didn’t wipe them, even when they clouded his vision. He only thought about Seungri lying in a hospital bed fighting for his precious life.

When Youngbae reached the parking lot, he took the effort to wipe his tears, wash his face and dry it. He looked a bit representable. He didn’t want the others to see his distress. He won’t add to their sorrow.

Seunghyun hyung was silently sitting on one of the benches, his shoulders defeated, a deep frown translating his sadness. Jiyong was sitting beside him, arms crossed, with huge sunglasses on. Daesung was standing by the side. Bowing his head in defeat. They were all unshaven, wearin