Chapter 4

Jinah was already pulling out the pitcher from the cabinet under the counter when I came in. She glanced at my direction when she heard the side door closing, but said nothing.

"Need help?" I offered, already pulling out some glasses from the cupboard above the sink.

She smiled and said, "You're already doing it." 

I placed a tray on the kitchen island and put empty glasses on it enough for all of us. Jinah just filled the pitcher with cool water and ice cubes from the fridge when the question I previously had last night popped back again.

"So, you have a boyfriend now?" With what I said, she abruptly stopped pouring powdered orange juice in the pitcher. She had that troubled expression on her face but it was gone in a second as she gathered back her composure and got back to her task. But I was sure, she wasn't happy about hearing what I asked. 

Finally answering, she said, "I-it wasn't like that. Where have you gotten that idea, anyway?" She looked uncomfortable, all the more making me curious. Maybe, I could use this time to console her if she was having boy problems.

"Well, you said something about...s-slee—" I trailed off, feeling kind of awkward saying the word out loud since I wasn't one who can talk about it with my friends either, nor have I engaged in anything intimate like it with my fiance, yet. 

They could talk about it all day, and I wouldn't inject anything interesting. Not that I am so innocent. I have at least researched about it on the internet out of curiosity once when I was in college, and learned about it in high school through education. It was a prerequisite in my academics, and I dare say, even the stupidest student in my former school was smarter than me at it. Goodness.

"About what?" She insisted, setting down the pack of powdered juice on the island, and waiting for me to answer.

"Last night..." You said something about getting laid...sleeping with someone...having with a guy this month, I wanted to say. But cat got my tongue. I couldn't say it after all so I settled with, "H-Hana asked something about...in the game...and you drank a shot—" 

Then she started giggling, and I flushed because I knew I was too embarrassing for my own good. It was a good thing that we were alone. "It was just a casual thing. I slept with a guy, but that was it." She said nonchalantly when she finally recovered from her fit, as if it was a normal thing.

I wasn't a fan of casual relationships. Relationships that do come and go whenever and wherever like it was just a passing. I strongly believed in true love, and marriage, and making love as something sacred. It should be purely out of love, not of physical want, of lust. I wasn't a saint but I at least don't do what normal kids in the twenty-first century do; one night stands, smoking, alcohol, drugs. God. Mom would especially put a good slap on my face if I ever tried any of that. So, when I heard Jinah say that, I wasn't able to stop myself from uttering what I said.

"I didn't think you're that kind of person to do that." 

She huffed out. I was aware that she didn't like what I said. I looked like I was judging her, but I just never thought that Jinah was that kind of person. Or maybe she changed. 7 years was enough time to changed someone; like it did to me. And I don't know her enough because we all became busy with our jobs after college and couldn't spare time for each other. We grew apart.

"People change, Soo." She said flatly, without any trace of anger. But I knew she meant more than her words would let me know. "Or maybe you just don't really know me." I stayed quiet, knowing fully well that she was right. Still, it left a hollow ache in my heart.

All this time, I thought I was the closest to her, and that I have already known her like the back of my hand. But the truth is, maybe I was just as guarded as the others are towards her. She let me in her life, but I didn't take the chance to enter and know the nooks and crannies of her soul. Our friendship could have been really shallow right from the start. And it was because of me.

What if I just treated her like how I treated Hana and Minjee? What if I took more effort in asking her about herself, what she likes? What if I just constantly stayed in contact with her, and met up for a girls day out? I would have probably felt closer to her, and she would have told me about herself without me even asking, if I did that. But it will all be nothing but what ifs now.

Jinah left the house with the tray of glasses already filled with juice, leaving a lone glass on the island for me. I watched as the rest excitedly jumped to their feet and each grabbed a glass for themselves. They looked so happy, thanking her in the process, that weirdly enough, I felt alone because I was out of the picture. They seemed pretty fine even without me.

Was this the kind of feeling she had around us?

Around three in the afternoon, Minyoung, who was supposed to go back to Seoul today, decided on visiting the shopping district were we all once liked to go to in high school, just to pass time. All the girls came except for Jinah. She said she wasn't feeling well so she stayed back. I knew she was just trying to avoid me, but I didn't say anything. I couldn't even look her in the eye after what conversation we had, and I guess it was space we both needed at the moment.

The shopping district in Busan today was far more high end looking than what we had seven years ago. The shops upgraded aesthetically, offering various services and goods we could also find in Seoul. Albeit the huge transformation however, we had seen familiar faces—that once were our neighbors—and had exchanged quite many stories with them. 

One of them even used to be our senior year Physics teacher, Ms. Nam—that is now Mrs. Song after getting married to our junior year History teacher Mr. Song—who actually recognized me at first glance.

"Oh my, is that you, Han Soori? Soori? Senior year, remember? Ms. Nam?" She asked, pointing at herself with an excited look on her face. 

With the rusty cogs in my head, it took me quite a while to really recognized her. "Oh! Physics! You're Ms. Nam! Our Physics teacher!" I exclaimed, trying my best to looked really enthused to see her. I did really bad in her subject, that's why she must have remembered me.

"Right!" She said, "but I'm already married now so I'm not really a Nam anymore." She showed us her wedding ring proudly and smiled.

"No way!" Minyoung interrupted, shamelessly grabbing Mrs. Song's hand where her wedding ring sat. Mrs. Song looked taken aback by my ape of a friend's action but nonetheless didn't take offense. Instead, she gave her a tight smile. "To whom did you even got married to? He must be handsome!" At that, the older woman forgot what just happened and chuckled in a less lady-like manner.

"He is! In fact I think you all know him." She had that glint in her eyes that said so much with how she felt for her husband; proud, happy, in love. "Remember Mr. Song? History teacher?!"

"Oh!" Minjee clapped in remembrance. "He used to teach us history back in junior year!"

"Right! The handsome teach! God, look what gorgeous fish you caught in the sea Ms. Nam! We're really happy for you!" Hana uttered out, coming behind me and giving Mrs. Song a sincere smile.

"Oh! Really. I didn't know either I'd marry him someday." She said, waving a hand dismissively with a flourish, eyes still looking so dreamy. "Anyway, I heard you guys are all already living in Seoul. What made you go back?"

Minyoung entertained the question and said, "Some of our batch mates came to the high school reunion these guys prepared yesterday." She placed her arms around us like she was proud we actually did that.

"Oh!" She then turned to me and said, "Then, Kim Jongin was with you?" It was only expected she'd ask me. Jongin was her favorite student and she knew how close we were before that she even asked—begged—him to tutor me in her subject when I got a C on my test paper during first semester back in senior year. I just don't know how I'd be able to answer her. 

Sensing my discomfort however, Hana pushed me behind her and said, "He is currently out of the country, and he couldn't come because work was on the way." She gave me a look, asking me if I was okay. I smiled to let her know that I was. But deep inside, my head was in deep turmoil. Just thinking about Jongin, being asked about Jongin, talking about Jongin was already so hard. What more with hearing something about him? I never thought Hana would let something slip about him, so I was really surprised when she told Mrs. Song about those things. Either she forgot I didn't want to hear them or she made them up. 

Still, in the end, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders after hearing them. At least, maybe, Jongin really didn't come because he was busy. And not because he didn't want to see me.

After some small talk with Mrs. Song, we went back to exploring the shopping district again. This time, the road seemed narrower and longer that it almost felt forever before we managed to find our favorite restaurant still there, looking like how it used to before we left Busan. It was a medium-sized, traditional looking restaurant now among the many high end, sophisticated looking shops around it. But still, I liked this place best more than anything here. Because it reminded me of home. I was home with it.

The inside was all white walls, oak wood flooring, low tables and chairs, and windows wide open to let ventilation in. The counter was at the far end. And seeing it like this, it felt more like a hanok house than a restaurant. Still, when we came to order, the old lady who used to run this place was right next to her daughter by the counter. The daughter was now the one running the restaurant, but her mother still always came to help and entertain her guest like how she used to do. She was smaller, paler, and weaker now, but the glow in her eyes was unchanging. 

"Oh! Aren't you Han's daughter?!" The old lady asked me when she came to us to serve hot tea. 

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