Chapter 9

I have no clear memory of what really happened this morning at school, so Jongin and my witnesses (my other friends) filled me in with things I missed after I socked He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named on the face—okay, he's definitely not nameless, so calling him Oh-Cheating-Sehun is also fine.

According to Jongin, after I out—which must be the result of a head-splitting migraine—Sehun looked really perplexed, offended, and was initially in flight or fight mode if I didn't just faint. I wasn't really that lucky that he didn't get to sock me on the face in return though, since one of the homeroom teachers of the juniors was there to witness the crazy stunt I did. And provided that my schoolmates—most of whom that were interviewed being members of the Oh Sehun Fans Club (OSFC)—were there to tell an exaggerated version of the whole thing, the incident was reported to the principal. My mother was called to Principal Jung's office, along with Sehun and his ballistic mother, while I was transported to the infirmary for a quick check up. Jongin backed up my mother in the sudden meeting that was held, leaving me in the care of the nurse and some of my friends, Kyungsoo and Hana.

The meeting between the victim (Sehun) and bully's (me) parents was, of course, not less than extraordinary. Sehun's mother—being the strict, proud, rich mother that she was—threw a fit saying how uneducated I was for hitting his son for no apparent reason. Sehun was undoubtedly embarrassed of his mother, acting like the uneducated one. But scared as hell for his own welfare, he sat beside his mother like a wide-eyed, traumatized, silenced, whatever kid. Mom was enraged by what the arrogant Mrs. Oh said that she unleashed her dragoness, saying how her son must have done something to offend me, so I socked him up. According to my mother, I may be stubborn and unruly at times, but I wasn't someone to just hurt anybody and do it without any valid reason. She defended me! Good Lord! And Principal Jung believed her more than Oh Sehun's side since the jerk didn't have any tongue when he was asked to at least say something to defend himself.

My mom was so darn cool, my punishment was reduced to a three day suspension from what should have been a week's worth of vacation (trans: suspension). 

Of course, the meeting didn't end without the two mothers actually spiting each other on their way out. Jongin was even surprised my sweet mother could be that sassy dandy in front of anyone. And hell, she was scary (as I've always said). He didn't say much how scary she was when I asked him, but the way he shook his head to wave me off and the tremble in his eyes already told me he didn't want to ever remember my mother being momzilla (towards my supposedly mother-in-law).

The drama didn't stop there as they hurried towards the clinic where I was brought in after fainting. I wasn't awake when my mother barged in with Jongin in tow. She was crying as she hugged me—this is according to Hana. And when she asked what happened to me, the doctor inquired if I was feeling anything before I fainted. Mom supplied her with the fact that I was with a throbbing headache this morning when I went to school. The doctor later on confirmed that I must have fainted from too much pressure and pain, resulting to a lack in perfusion and eventually low oxygenation. It sounded really terrible, but not really. It was just a migraine that needed a few painkillers, but after being diagnosed, mom insisted I be brought to the hospital again.

Jongin was excused for the day since he was assigned to accompany me and my mother to the hospital. My friends wanted to come by, but they weren't allowed. So, they only visited in the afternoon when I finally woke up.

The first thing that I felt when I woke up, seven hours later, was that I wanted to throw up. Mom was there, bringing me a bed pan in time for me to spill all my stomach's contents. It was really tear-jerking that I cried after puking. She told me to rest for another hour, so I did. I was feeling dizzy and my throat was burning, after all, that I took advantage of the extra time I could delay feeling the full impact of my migraine. It was really such a relief.

The next time I woke up, the sky was already dark, and there was the distinct sound of laughter coming from my friends who were in the room. I was already feeling better, and so I thought it was already okay for me to move about. But when I sat up, I was met with a couple of shrieks and looks of panic.

"God! Her nose is bleeding!"

"Hand me some tissue!"

"Lay her down! Lay her down first!"

"She's bleeding! Oh my God!"

Jongin was the one to wipe the blood running down my nostrils after Minjee passed him some tissue. He did this until I was cleaned, and set a box of tissue on my blanketed lap in case I get a nosebleed again.

They all looked worked up seeing me this weak. And even if I reassured them this was just the result of me sleeping the night before with wet hair—therefore achieving a migraine—they still had their eyebrows creased and lips thinned. Jongin looked the least worried, but his silence was an indication that he was shaken up by what had happened to me. And even if I knew it was wrong for me to feel happy about it, I couldn't stop myself from being glad that he was actually worried. He was worried!

"We were really surprised to see you punching Sehun square on the face. What really happened there?" Hana asked a little while later when they were finally convinced I was fine except for the nosebleed.

Minjee chuckled and said, "Yeah. We were really shocked you assaulted your crush in front of everyone else. Not to mention that before that, everyone knew you were one to turn down his offer to take you out on a date."

I smiled sullenly, remembering how I also turned down Sehun's offer to go out, seven years ago. It should have been our very first date, but I didn't really find any reason to come with him after the fight that happened between Jongin and I.

"I really don't know what came in to me." I retorted, staring blankly at the wall across me. "It must have been the effect of the migraine." They laughed, thinking that I was playing out a joke. But it was only my way to divert their attention since it was harder to explain the truth than saying a believable lie. 

Jongin, however, easily saw through my front.

When the night was finally deep, and everyone was out except for him and I, it was a given that we weren't just going to be there as the patient (me) and her guard dog (him). My parents were on another night shift again, and I was grateful that Jongin had taken the liberty of looking after me even if no one had actually asked him beforehand to cover the task. He was here because he wanted to. And so, I felt even better because I was psyched that it meant he didn't treat me like I was a burden.

"I told you, you were gonna get in trouble." Jongin said, lying on the couch across from my bed. He was far for my own liking, but his distance was good enough for the conversation to not turn awkward. "One way or another, you were gonna run into him and you'd do something stupid."

The first thing that played across my mind and what I actually said was, "So you knew, but why didn't you stop me when he and I were already to duel?" More like, why didn't he stop me when he saw me about to sock the unsuspecting Oh Sehun?

His lips twisted up to a smile—whether it was intended to be taunting or just whatever was a puzzle to me. He folded an arm behind his head and said in thought, "I don't know. Maybe, I was just curious how you would react if you see him. But then, I never saw the punch coming. You really surprised me, and everyone." I agreed. Even I surprised myself in doing that to Sehun. But reminding myself of what he did to me, it wasn't so much of a mystery as to why I actually socked him. He hurt me. I hurt his clueless 18 year old self since he was the only Oh Sehun in this time that could be my outlet.

"I didn't know I was that angry with him, not until I saw him walking down that hallway. I guess, the punch was from the reawakening of long suppressed anger. I mean, that's not exactly the person that had hurt me. But that person and the Sehun I knew is also the same person. How could you see the difference if they look and sound alike? I definitely had to punch him either way." I said, trying to justify my action. My gaze was on Jongin, weighing his reaction.

He looked back, his face still unreadable. "But how right was actually hurting a completely oblivious version of the douche you know?" He asked, but before anything else, I mentally cheered about him acknowledging that Sehun was a douche. My (ex)fiancé was a douche! "Does it actually make sense? Would your feelings actually justify your actions towards him? What do you think he's feeling right now?"

As the conversation stirred into a more in depth, serious one, I had silently answered his questions one by one: No, it doesn't make sense I hurt an innocent younger version of Sehun, but how was it also wrong?; Yes and No, what I did made sense because I felt lighter after letting go of my pent up feelings. But everything suddenly didn't make sense the moment you, Jongin, asked me about it; As far as I am concerned, I don't feel regretful socking him, so to me, my action was justifiable; lastly, why do I even need to think of what he is feeling right now? There shouldn't be any room for me to pity him. Yes, I love him. But, is he actually even sorry right now for the state that I am in? For what I became because of him?

"Do you think I was actually wrong to do that to him?"

"No...Yes...but the thing is, Soori—"

"Now, you're actually siding him, right?" I said straight to the point, cutting off his hesitance speech.

He shot up from the couch, furrowing his eyebrows as he stared deeply at me. "What makes you think so? Of course, I am not siding with anyone." He said with a voice so soft but firm.

"That's even worse, you know, Jongin." I uttered out, feeling slightly disappointed because the only person I thought would always be siding with me was in limbo for this matter. "I was expecting you to at least understand me."

"I was trying to understand both of you." He uttered out, eyes seeking understanding from me. 

But I refused to look any longer at him, so I sunk deep in the comfort of my blanket and shifted on my side.

"Sorry, but I don't get you this time. You're supposed to make me feel better but...i don't know now." I said dejectedly.

"Do I only matter to you like that? Should I just always make you feel better like it's my job? And then what? Do I off your boot all the time so—"

"You didn't even listen to my plea when we fought back then!" I jolted out from under the blanket I had flung aside and glared at him. "Remember that day? You were mad at me before that because I was only talking about Sehun! Sehun! Sehun! You told me how I didn't care about you or about the others—"

"It's the truth anyway! But why are you suddenly bringing this up now? Didn't you just apologize to me about it recently?" His eyes were frantic as he snapped at me. "This is a different matter. Let's say you were hurt. Let's say I actually admired you for doing that to him. You were finally standing up for yourself. You weren't running away again. But it wasn't the right thing to do either. I was just trying to make you realize that. I don't want to make you feel bad, worse make you feel like I was taking anyone's side!"

He was mad. He was mad again at me. I clenched my hands into tight fists as I stopped the urge to cry because I couldn't understand why it felt like life was being unfair to me. He was being unfair to me. Them! They were all being unfair to me! 

He hated me. He left. Sehun had hurt me. I got stuck in this place. My parents didn't believe me. Jongin almost didn't believe me either. I socked up Sehun's face because he deserved it, but I still appeared as the bad guy! How many of them would actually make me feel less? How do I even survive this place without anyone? Because it seems to me that even the only person I thought I could trust here, couldn't even understand me.

I bit my lip as I slowly raised my hand to point at the door. His eyes lifted to meet my glassy ones. And look how sorry I felt when I saw the remorse on his face. I knew he meant what he said. He didn't want to hurt me. But I was already hurt before he even got to explain himself.

"Leave." I said, not meeting his gaze anymore. I was afraid that if I looked at him any longer, I would have the chance to instead hold him back.

Jongin, from my peripheral point, heaved a deep sigh and looked down. I understood that he was sorry. But that didn't get me to stop him when he took steps towards the door. 

"I'll visit you again." He said, before disappearing behind the door.

I let go of the breath I was holding and plopped back on my bed. My head sunk deeper into my soft pillow, and it didn't really help the throbbing in my head that zapped through again.

I went through our conversation as I gazed at the bare ceiling. The light was on and irritating that I closed my eyes and breathed in and out again, while muttering to myself to 'relax' as if