Chapter 20

The storm during the weekend was just a prelude to what was in store for me through the days after.

When we got home after being stranded at nowhere in the middle of a storm rage, mom was crying when she saw the car stopping in front of our lawn. She made a run for Jongin and I, hugged us really tight and cried a lot about how we shouldn’t have worried her. I was surprised that she wasn’t mad and that dad didn’t even bother about the car getting mud all over, but then Sunmi filled me in with what happened the night before. Our parents were really worried and mad why we hadn’t gotten home and were out of range. But then I heard how Jongin called them in the morning and explained what we’ve been through the day before.

I wasn’t sure when Jongin made the call but I was guessing he did it while I was still soundly asleep. And I knew he did it because he saw me so worried about mom and dad getting angry with me for not following as I told them we would be back as soon as we could and that I wouldn’t cause any accidents that would have us end up at the police station.

I was really thankful to him because of it since mom listened to him more than she did with me. And that never changed. I had proven that his charm towards her still worked even up to now. Heck, I was even impressed since the effect of his charm extended up to lunch when mom made us a sumptuous meal that was fit for a king. I almost dropped my jaw when she told us to eat everything and that we shouldn’t leave anything since she thought we were really hungry. Well, Jongin ate like he hadn’t been fed for about a year. But I didn’t since I knew the meal wouldn’t be as tasty since mom cooked it—remember how she couldn’t cook really well?

I started working at Mrs. Im's restaurant on Monday with Baekhyun. We served customers from four to eight in the evening. And we went home together afterwards. We rode the bus home and talked on the way. Baekhyun was far more talkative than I had expected. Talking to him made me feel like he had more to say than I was. He had so many stories about his family and his life before they moved back to our town that he openly told me about.

"What about your father?" I curiously asked him on the way home during the third day of work.

We were talking about my family when I asked him about his and I realized he never mentioned about his father when he answered. I was a bit absorbed by this idea that it never crossed my mind at first why he didn't mention his father. I almost forgot that he abandoned them when Baekhyun was just five. He must have not known anything about the man. He could have hated him even.

And in that abrupt realization, I gasped and covered my mouth in horror. "Oh no, I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have—"

At this, he smiled wistfully at me and said, "it’s fine. I know you don’t mean harm. The whole town already knows this and I know that you do too, but it must have slipped off your mind." He didn't sound offended, but I still felt guilty for even asking such a stupid question.

"I'm sorry I was just—"

He shook his head and told me, "Don't be sorry for anything." I sighed, nodding, feeling grateful that he had saved me from feeling a lot more shame for myself than I already had stocked in a room in my head. "All I'm just saying is that I didn't get to grow up with a father. I can't even remember now what he looks like. But that is better. I don't want to be reminded of a father who was a coward to take responsibility for a family he promised to give everything." He said, turning his gaze to the view outside the window. I couldn't really tell whether he was feeling sad or not since he had his back to me, but I knew it was inevitable not to be.

"My mom became the sole parent to take care of me. But even though she was alone in being a father and a mother to me, I don't feel like we lacked a family member or that I am unfortunate not to have a father. Because by doing that, she became everything to me. And I think when you feel like you have everything, you wouldn't even think of asking for more." Baekhyun told me after a lot of silence and turned to me to smile.

I returned a smile back, knowing that he was genuine when he said he didn't feel like he lacked something in his life even without a father. I knew that he was happy with just a mom who can also be his father and a grandma who was simply wonderful.

"I envy you." I told him after much contemplation of whether I should be honest or not with my own feelings.

He raised a brow and asked, "why would a person like you envy someone like me who's a nerd that gets bullied in school and has a broken family?"

At his honesty again I felt profound admiration and smiled to myself. Looking down on my lap, I managed to confess to him what I really thought about him, "because even though you don't have a whole family, you made it seem like even only having a mother and a grandma by your side was already enough. Like saying a fault can be flawless too—" I looked at him and gauged his reaction towards what I was saying and he was just smiling.

I continued to stare at my lap in quite an embarrassment to look him in the eye, and said, "but I'm not like that. Even though I have a complete family, I still feel left out as the middle child. And though I have friends who are always there for me, there are times when I still feel lonely. There are times when I'm really happy. But I think I am more unhappy now than not."

I ducked my head lower, not wanting to hear what he had to say just yet. But then as if God wasn't listening to me, Baekhyun mused next to me something I did not expect, "you know, I have one thing I want to admit to you," he paused, trying to think of the right words to tell me, "sometimes I still wonder what it's like to call someone 'dad'." He looked so wistful when I looked at him that I couldn't help but feel sad too.

"Oh," I said softly.

He didn't know what it's like to call someone 'dad' because he didn't have a father figure in his life. It was then that I realized how Baekhyun must have had fleeting thoughts about what it was like to have a father.

"If only my dad wasn't like that man. If he was stronger than a coward, maybe mom would have forgiven him and I'll have someone to call that." He told me, giving me a very meaningful look. "But Soori, come to think of it. We're given so many chances to turn our fates differently, yet only a few of us grab that chance to make the change. It is only when the chance has passed that we will realize how much we lost."

"And you're saying this because?" I drawled out carefully, not wanting to sound offending.

"Because I want you to realize what you're lacking," I furrowed my eyebrows at him, not understanding what he was getting at. Seeing this sort of reaction from me, he said, "The reason why you feel like how you feel right now is because you're not giving yourself and the people around you a chance to turn things to something different."

I gaped, not really knowing what to say. "I don't understand." I drawled out, feeling my shoulders sag. "I have been trying to reach out to everyone but—"

"Maybe you're not trying harder. Or maybe you're not reaching out to everyone. Perhaps you're just picking out the people you want to see yourself in a different situation with." I pressed my lips together, finally feeling his words nail me down.

"But doesn't it work that way? You can only be wise on who you should get closer to?"

He shook his head and smiled at me like a wise old man who suddenly knew even the ancient wisest sayings. "You don't get to pick them. You should always reach out when they are trying to do the same to you. And when you do that, make sure to do your decisions by the dictate of your heart." He said.

When I reached my house, I was still in awe with the wisdom Baekhyun showed me. It was like I was talking to an entirely different person at that moment. But what affected me the most was his words. He said, reach out to people and use my heart in making decisions, but haven't I just been doing that?

“See you tomorrow!” I told Baekhyun as he crossed the street towards his house. He raised his hand to wave and smiled at me.

I turned around to rush inside but abruptly halted on my steps when I noticed Jongin sitting on the porch of our house. He was looking at me as if he had been waiting for my arrival, and suddenly a smile grew on his lips when he knew I was finally noticing him. I forced out a smile even though it must have looked too awkward and waved at him.

“Did you wait for too long?” I asked.

It was not a secret that he always waited for me every time I came home after he learned about how I was now working at Mrs. Im’s restaurant. He was quite surprised when I told him about this on Monday but didn’t voice out his opposition about the idea so I thought it was just fine with him. But ever since the start of the week, he had been doing this and he was unusually becoming more perceptive towards me. It was really weird but I couldn’t ask him why it was like he just changed after that one stormy Saturday because I didn’t want to look ungrateful of what he was already doing for me. Not that he changed in a bad way anyway. It was just unusual that he was paying me more attention than before and I couldn’t get used to it yet. It just felt so new and so weird especially now that I knew I was becoming more aware of him.

“Nah.” He said, standing up. “I just came out of the house exactly…five minutes ago.” He looked down on his watched and tapped on it as he told me this.

I smiled, wondering whether he was saying the truth, since the last time he sat on our porch and waited for me, I knew he lied about not waiting for me for too long because he felt already too cool when I touched his back.

“I see.” I told him. “Well, do you wanna come in?”

He averted his eyes and nodded. “If you want me to.” He said with a soft voice that sounded nonchalant.

I raised a brow at him upon hearing this and shook my head, trying to figure out why he was speaking quite submissively too nowadays. Not that it was a bad thing. I just missed it when he argued with me over little things or said snarky comments. But I brushed away the curiosity immediately, thinking that if I kept questioning everything that he was doing for me or the way he was acting that I wouldn’t be able to find an answer and I might just go crazy.

“Well then,” I said, opening the door and getting out of his way, “come in and be our guest Mr. Kim.”

He chuckled and said, “Are we playing host and visitor now?”

“Not really. I was just being spontaneous.” I said flatly, deciding that I didn’t want to fool around with him.

He looked at me incredulously and shook his head, but still entered the house like he owned it. Dad and Sunmi was in the living room discussing some hospital stuff and were saying hospital syntaxes that were already making my head ache that I headed for the kitchen instead of greeting them. Jongin was more into that kind of stuff so I let him entertain dad while the old man glared at me from the back when I just completely ignored him. Mom was smiling when she noticed me standing by the entrance of the kitchen. She was cooking our dinner and asked me if I could lend her a hand since she had already gotten used to seeing me moving around the kitchen every morning.

“How was your day?” She asked while I was chopping some spring onions and she was stirring the soup in the pot on the stove.

I heaved a brief gaze at her and said, “Fine. We had a few customers tonight so it wasn’t really tiring.” I continued to use my knife when the silence stretched through.

I wasn’t really expecting mom to say something after that but I almost cut my finger when she said what she told me next, “Jongin is more often here than not. I think you two are getting closer than before too. Did something good finally happen between you two…you know, something that your mom perhaps needs to know?”

Almost choking upon hearing her say those, I said while frantically shaking my head at her, “No, why would something happen that I need to tell you? And it’s already a given that we’re close and you shouldn’t even wonder why he’s here more often than not. He treats this as his second home mom.” I furrowed my eyebrows at her and pretended to be annoyed, even though deep inside I was feeling hazy and perturbed by what she said more than annoyed by it.

“Really.” She said, looking at me hopelessly—like she was really upset with what I said and it made her feel downhearted.

I quickly turned my attention back to the spring onions that already turned too crushed to even be used for the soup. Oops. I must have chopped it too passionately. “I think the spring onions turned a little…maybe I should get a new one from the…fridge…” I told mom unsurely as I reached for the fridge handle, opened it, and crouched down to look for the spring onions that weren’t touched yet.

“You’re saying that you aren’t together.” She drawled out carefully, finally getting the gist of what I just told her before. “And there isn’t really anything romantic going on between you two.”

I continued to search for the missing spring onions and tried ignoring her. “Where did you put them mom? They are not in the—“

“Is there not a chance that you two—“

“Mom where did you put the spring onions?!” I continued to search in the space where she placed all the vegetables in the fridge but found none.

“There are no spring onions left.” I heard her say and abruptly stopped searching.

I looked up at her impatiently and said in irritation, “You could have told me earlier.” I stood up and closed the fridge.

I was just about to let it be and put the crushed spring onions in her soup but mom surely never stopped pestering me when it came to Jongin.

“Don’t you like him?” I gasped audibly when I heard her say this so boldly. It wasn’t even because I was surprised but rather I was flustered upon hearing this.

“What?” I asked in astonishment. “You’re really asking me that?”

Rolling her eyes at me, she said while raising an impatient brow at me, “well, I just did, didn’t I?”

I blinked at her, unsure of wh