Chapter 16

"It looked like you guys were having a heated conversation a while ago eh?" Grandma asked as we moved to the dining room to have dinner.

Apparently, Jongin walked out of the front door after the argument we had. Grandma threw me a raised brow as soon as she heard the door slamming shut behind us; silently throwing me the question 'now what did you do?'. I shook my head and continued making dinner, ignoring the blatant staring that she casted upon me for long before shifting her attention back to her show.

Right when I called her to eat, she turned off the tv and marched towards the dining table. She eyed me curiously but I didn't meet her gaze until we're finally seated and she actually called my attention.

Back to her question, I shrugged in answer. "It was just a misunderstanding Grandma." I said, transferring some salad to my plate.

"Can you pass me the dressing?" She said, extending her upturned palm to me. I passed her the dressing and played with the lettuce leaf on my plate. "Thank you. But really, he looked upset. What did you two even fight about?"

I scrunched up my nose, forgetting the point of our argument. Was it Hyeri? Was it because he thought I was investigating-prying? Was it because I asked him why they were in his house? Was it because I asked him if he liked her? But why would that even make him mad? It didn't make sense at all.

"I don't know." I conceded.

"Really?" Grandma pressed

"Yeah." I said. "We just... I asked him things about his project partner but that was it.. Then he got mad." Grandma narrowed her eyes at me before chomping on a strip of beef.

"What did you even ask him about his project partner?"

"Well," I my lips and eyed grandma warily. "I asked things but I think it was when I asked him if he likes Hyeri that he just.. Lost it? I don't know. Then he asked me why I even cared. But of course, I should, right? Because—" Grandma just studied me intently, so I continued, "friends should be truthful with each other. And then it was like he thinks I was saying bull. Then he said something weird..."

"Ah. So there was a girl. Hyeri, you say?" I nodded. She smiled knowingly at me but didn't say anything further about Hyeri. "What weird thing did he even say?" She asked.

I looked down and searched for the right words to say. "weird like.. Why do I get to mess with him and yet he doesn't get the chance to mess with me? What does he even mean?" I asked her confused, wondering if she actually knew the answer since she was more experienced, seasoned, smarter.

Grandma looked down on her plate and ate a forkful of leafy greens. Then, as she chewed softly, a ghost of a smile lined her lips again. "I'm not sure about what he meant pumpkin." She said. "But don't be too hard on him like I keep telling you." I nodded. It had been the thousandth time she reminded me about that and yet I just couldn't stick to it.

"Maybe he was just really in a bad mood." She said again then sighed wistfully, looking at the window by the sink in our kitchen—revealing a view of the Kims’ house. "His father came by today."

"Oh." I felt my stomach churn when I heard that. No one actually ever brought up the topic about Mr. Kim ever since he left, except when I asked my mother that one time about the divorce. "Why did he come?" I asked curiously.

She shrugged but said, "It hasn't been long since they filed the divorce. I guess he was just checking up on them. The process would take a while. Really. And a lot has to be talked about and considered like agreements, child custody, and properties."

"That sounds very complicated." I commented, wondering whether that was the reason why Jongin looked like he already lost it or it was really my whole doing.

"It is. Both Jongin and Joonmyeon are still minors according to the law. And I don't know. Maybe that is one thing that worries him and his brother. To which parent they will be given." She sighed and leaned back on her chair adjacent to mine. "Take it easy on him, Soori. He needs you. Try to understand him more, okay?" She told me as she reached for my hand on the table.

I looked at our hands and then at her, and nodded. "I'll try. Sometimes I just don't get him." Or maybe I should say that most of the time I don't get myself either.

My head delved on what Jongin was actually feeling when he saw his dad today. Or if he saw him at all. And if he did, was it really the child custody that they should be worrying about. Or not at all. Mr. Kim was divorcing their mother, but it wasn't like he was a bad person. I knew that he knew his sons wouldn't want to be separated from their mother. And the smartest move was to let them be. Hopefully, he was actually thinking what I was thinking. And if anything, at least he should support them even after the divorce finally took effect. I mean, that was the least he could do if he was actually not planning on still taking care of Jongin and Joonmyeon, right? It was only pragmatic for him to do that as a father.

That night, I climbed upstairs to my room without waiting for my parents and brother to come home, and for grandma to go to bed. I just told her I was going to get my homework done and sleep early for school tomorrow. But really, even though I tried to concentrate, the pages on my notebook remained blank. The only thing in my mind was wanting to make it up to Jongin before sunrise.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I just abandoned my homework—screw them!—and trespassed into Jongin's balcony. I knocked on his door, tried opening it, but all my efforts went futile because the lights in his room were off, the door was locked and it looked like he wasn't even home. I slid down to the floor, feeling greatly defeated and regretful. In surrender, I reluctantly climbed back to my balcony and sat down next to the railings. I stayed there for God knew how long, and I zeroed my gaze on Jongin's dreamcatcher that was hanging by the balcony door. It swayed to the sweep of air. Left. Right. Left. Right. And I smiled wistfully as I thought of Jongin while I stared.

Where was he? Why was he not in his room? Was he really mad at me?

I waited for him, for light to fill his room, but I ended up sleeping without even knowing when during the night he even came back.

When I opened my eyes it was still a bit dark. I assumed that it was five in the morning since there were already streaks of light passing through the balcony window, but it wasn't enough to light the dimly lit room.

And the funny thing was that when I woke up it wasn't because of a dream, but warmth. Warmth wrapped around me. It was like I was under a cozy, thick blanket and though initially I would have gratefully snuggled deeper into its warmth, I started wondering why I felt so good. Because normally, I didn't feel good. Good and normal weren't necessarily a thing here for me since nothing had been from that day I woke up in that hospital bed.

I closed my eyes again, until that soft, humming, and warm breath touched my cheek. Unbelieving, I opened my eyes, this time with less sleep pumping in my system, and then though I should be surprised, I just stared at the face in front of me and smiled.

Jongin looked far more peaceful in his sleep though his eyebrows were in a default crease. His breath was warm every time it hit my skin. His lips were slightly parted. His hair was tousled everywhere. And though it made me extra conscious, I ruled out that I didn't mind that his arm was wrapped around my waist, keeping me in place close to him; a mere four inches separating us.

He being this close made me forget we even had that argument last night. And though it felt rude and wrong to stare, I used this chance to look at him a little bit longer—without him knowing. Then I closed my eyes and scooted a little closer to him, placing my hand above his heart. Right there I felt it. The steady beating of his heart.

Everything about him was so alive right at that moment. And to me, it was already enough.

The next time I woke up, I was already smiling even before I opened my eyes. But funny because one moment I was doing just that and then as soon as I saw the empty space beside me, the next moment I was already frowning.

What was that? Did I just dream about the whole thing?, I thought, feeling the soft sheet under my palm. It didn't feel warm anymore. Like everything he was before me a while ago was just a dream. A figment of my playful imagination. Well, maybe it was.

I prepared for school, trying to hide the disappointment still plaguing my morning.  I still believed that Jongin was there with me and that he was the one who brought me in. I knew I slept in my balcony late last night and I didn't have any idea how I managed to get inside except for the idea that he was actually there, and was kind enough to help me to my bed. But how he ended up sleeping beside me, or whether that even happened was still a mystery. I wanted to believe he did. But hardly having any evidence that he was there was frustrating.

When I came out expecting to meet Jongin, instead of him, Joonmyeon was there waiting for me. He smiled as I approached him, and I smiled back anyway, though at the back of my mind I was beyond upset because I realized this only meant Jongin was still mad at me. And maybe what happened at five in the morning was just an illusion.

"Hyung asked me to give you a ride to school since he needed to attend an early meeting today." He told me carefully, casting his eyes to the side as he scratched his neck consciously.

I nodded. "Well," I said, breathing deeply, "shall we?"

Joonmyeon wasn't as quiet and comfortable as Jongin when we were both stuck for a ride. In fact, though a shy boy, he made it a point to converse politely with me no matter how uncomfortable he was feeling with me behind him. It was really nice of him, and I really appreciated it, but moments like that made me miss the quiet I had with Jongin and the feeling of his back every time I held onto him. He looked so stiff and totally red on the face even when he dropped me off at the entrance of my school, that I pitied him for a second.

Sorry for making you uncomfortable, I thought. Instead, I ruffled his hair and smile. "Thank you for giving me a ride, Joon." I said.

He smiled and looked down. I pulled my hand away and watched adoringly as he touched his hair and said, "I-it was nothing."

We separated ways as we entered the campus. Joonmyeon was a sophomore this year, and his schedule said that he had PE in the morning, so I bid him goodbye and went the opposite direction.

By now, everything that happened in school was already a routine: I get in, get stared at, get talked about, get mocked, get to class, and endure a few hours of torture, until the escape that was lunch came.

On the way to the cafeteria, I saw Baekhyun standing by the lockers. He was with a huge lunch box, and I wondered if he actually remembered me inviting him yesterday to join me during lunch, and this was him waiting for me. The thought of him waiting for me made me smile, that I just stood there a few feet away and watched him for a bit just to capture the moment. And then I was off to dragging him to our table.

"You will really like my friends." I told him, gripping his arm tightly as he lagged behind me, squirming uneasily as he did.

"Won't they find it a little uncomfortable—"

"No. No. No." I said, "they wouldn't be uncomfortable with you being there because they will surely like you."

Baekhyun was still hesitant when he stood in front of my friends and they were actually there probing him. But just as I had expected, they welcomed him warmly. Jongin offered the seat between him and Kyungsoo. Minjee started interrogating him about his life. Hana was just being Hana—quiet, seldom not sarcastic.

"Uhm." Baekhyun said, pushing his lunch box in the middle. Minjee her lips expectantly, eyeing the box like a predator. "My mom cooked everything inside this lunch box because she wanted to thank you for letting me sit with you." He said shyly and gazed at me as if looking for approval.

I nodded at him and mouthed 'good job, Baek'. He smiled and nodded to himself, like it was his own way to say a little compliment for himself that no one actually ever offered to him.

"You're really nice, Baek!" Minjee said, gulping down a roll of kimbap from the lunch box—which she had spread out on the table—Baekhyun brought. "This is really tasty. Your mother cooks so well." She brought another piece into , and then another, and another until...she...choked.

"She stuffed five rolls before choking. Can you believe that?" I said, still staring at Minjee in amazement. Baekhyun nodded, gaping a little at the said girl who was still choking.

"Wa-wate—" Han struggled to say as she thumped her chest with a clenched fist. "Don't just...don't just stare—"

"And look she can still speak even though she's already having a hard time." Hana said flatly, also staring at Minjee like a spectator.

Minjee coughed and coughed as she blindly tried feeling for a bottle of water. Deciding to be a little nicer, Kyungsoo pushed a bottle in her direction. She grabbed it, uncapped it, and tipped it into . The water drained quickly as she drank it in one gulp.

"Wow." We said in unison as Minjee placed the bottle back on the table with a thud, making Baekhyun flinch.

She wiped the water dripping from with the back of her hand and glared at us. "You guys...I'm never going to trust you again with my life!" She snapped, and we laughed. Just because it was funny to see her fuming.

"The food won't go away so fast Minjee so stop being a glutton next time. That way you won't die from choking." Hana uttered out flatly as she patted Minjee's back.

Minjee puffed out her cheeks, shrugged Hana's hand away in annoyance and ignored her for the rest of lunch. We didn't try to coax her since we knew that Minjee won’t be angry for long even if she really was. It was just that her anger always lasted for a mere minute and then poof!...she's Minjee again.

So, when she started eating again the lunch Baekhyun brought—she stashed a third of it into her stomach—we knew that she wasn't really that angry anymore. The food must have helped lighten her mood.

And when classes resumed, it was like nothing really happened; Minjee was talking to Hana again. It was as easy as that. Things were les