Chapter 6

A deafening scream left my lips as soon as I opened my eyes to white walls, white ceiling, and light blue paint of the corners of my room, to the plastic stars glued to the ceiling, the Eiffel Tower glow-in-the-dark figure on my bedside table, to the collection of books on my wooden shelf I never got to read in the past, to my study desk dad once built for me when I was still in elementary grade, and to the teddy bears piled up next to me on bed. I pushed the stuffed bears off the mattress, they fell to the ground with a slight thud. I jumped off my bed, bewildered why I was still stuck in this dream.

I frantically slapped my cheeks again, they stung. It only meant that this was all real, and even though yesterday I felt like I was in the best day of my life, today I couldn’t grasp the happy feeling anymore. Because I thought yesterday was a one-time thing and after asking for Jongin’s forgiveness, heaven would be nice enough to wake me up. I felt haunted, panicked, worse afraid I wouldn’t be able to escape this maze in time; and I really won’t ever wake up to the world I knew. At least, I was hoping I wasn’t dead, even though it was most likely what I feared.

“Ya! What has gotten into you? Why are you suddenly screaming so early in the morning?!” I frantically looked around me, and found a grumpy looking bedhead Jongin standing in his balcony.

Relief and disbelief washed over me all the same as I strutted towards my own balcony. At least I have him here, that’s what was always in my head. The huge glass doors were already wide open, the baby blue polka-dot printed curtains (my favourite piece in this room) dancing to the sway of wind. I leaned over the railing and touched the sides of his face that felt oh so warm. His eyes that were moulded with sleep finally widened at my touch. I smiled. He was looking at me with bewildered eyes, placing his hands on mine, about to pull them away. We were so close, I could tell he was flustered by the distance. His already pinkish face said it all.

“Ya! Let go of me. Y-you’re being so weird again. Why don’t you just stop, Soo?” And there it finally left his lips. My name. I never thought it would sound so good with just him saying it.

“Jongin, can you just stop being so grumpy?” I asked him, my eyes focused on his. “You’re pretty much the best thing that happened to me in this dream so please don’t ruin it.” I was smiling like an idiot, but it’s not like I could control my lips. They finally had a mind of their own.

He looked really baffled at what I was saying that he pushed me away. But I knew it wasn’t that he was still angry at me, but rather, he was still embarrassed. “You’ve been saying weird things since yesterday. Did you really hit your head that bad for you to be like this? Or are you just pranking us?” I scrunched up my nose with what I heard. Did I really look like I didn’t know what I was saying? And that I was just making fun of them? God. This guy.

“Dad said I was perfectly fine.” I said flatly. “You should know that I am stating a fact here. I did not hit my head hard or anything. And there’s nothing wrong about me.” I emphasized every word so he would get it, but his face turned nothing but mocking. He just won’t believe me, I knew it. Yesterday, his words were just a bluff so I would let him go.

Leaning about on his balcony’s railing—that was half a ruler’s distance to mine—he looked at me as if I was a very interesting lab specimen, his eyes amused and still mocking. “Then tell me what was that all about the things you said to me yesterday. You said something about seven years? Was that it? How was that even possible? I mean…” His facial expression suddenly turned grim at the thought occupying his mind. “…it happened only about two weeks ago. How come you are talking about something that happened seven years ago?” He looked straight in my eyes for the very first time, his gaze filled with a thousand of unspeakable questions in them.

I had this feeling of wanting to tell him everything like how I told mom and dad everything. But the fear that he won’t believe me either, filled me. What if he thinks I was just going crazy too? That I really hit my head hard? That I was just going to lie? But then this is my Jongin. He wouldn’t ask me those questions if there was no way he was giving me the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I should tell him. Or maybe not.

He saw the evident hesitation in my face, and somehow that plucked a soft string in his heart and said, “Tell me anything and I might consider them.”

“Really?”

“I told you, I might.” He emphasized, rolling his eyes.

I huffed out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and said, “I told mom and dad everything that I knew happened to me before I out but they didn’t believe me.”

He shrugged and just said, “Try me.”

So, I told him everything. How me and the others came to the summer house from Seoul, how I just got engaged to Sehun two weeks before that (he scrunched up his nose at this), how we started a party for the high school reunion the day after we arrived, how I heard Jinah and Sehun talking about what awful things they did behind my back (I didn’t tell him the exact things I heard. He doesn’t have to hear them to know them. He’s smart enough!), how I drove Minyoung’s car in the midst of a heavy down pour, and how I fell unconscious after something I couldn’t remember happened to me. “And then I just woke up in that hospital bed, freaking out because I didn’t have the proof I had been in something grave and upon seeing myself looking this young.” I gestured at myself to give emphasis, and he looked like he was just stifling his laughter at what I was saying and doing.

“But of course, you are still young.” He deadpanned.

“How old am I right now then?” I questioned, completely having no clue.

He gaped at me and said in utter disbelief, “Don’t you really know how old are you right now or—“ He was about to say something clever again, but the look in my eyes made him understand how serious I was. “You are 18 right now.” I gasped.

“I knew it.” I muttered to myself, thinking of all the flitting ideas that came into mind last night. If I really died and this sort of happening was some sort of compensation for me for whatever unfortunate death I went through, then of course, God would at least be kind enough to send me back to a time I have asked for a gazillion times from him. Of course, I convinced myself. Why would he not be generous? But then, are all people like me given this sort of chance?

“So tell me, are you saying that you’re some kind of time traveller and that you’re Han Soori from the future?” He had that smirk on his face that made me want to smack him right there and then. How can he still make fun of me and not believe me?

I was a bit infuriated, but I tried to be rational and remained calm. “I am not some kind of time traveller, Jongin. Remember, I already died.” He became so quiet upon hearing this. I smiled. “This might have been some kind of gift for me from heaven, but I don’t know what to call it. Yes, I am from the future in the body of an 18 year old. But I don’t think that’s even the proper term now. Maybe, Soori from the dead is better—“

“Stop it Soori. This is not funny anymore.” He finally snapped. “It’s not really nice talking so lightly about death or being dead. So whatever game you are playing, just stop right now. Or I don’t know what to feel about you anymore.” He shook his head in utter dismay and turned away from me, ready to get back into his room.

I bit back a cry. How could he still not believe me after everything I have told him? “I-I… I am saying the truth, Jongin. How could you not believe me?!” He just continued to walk slowly to his room, until he was just a silhouette being swallowed in the darkness. “You don’t have any idea how for seven years I asked God to bring me back to this time so I could just ask you to forgive me! I left you before that’s why I am so sorry. I said things I didn’t mean, that’s why I wanted to see you again! Why can’t you just believe me?!” I waited for him to walk out to his balcony again, but he didn’t.

“What else could make you believe me?” I uttered out, my voice getting smaller as the lump in my throat forced its way out. I stayed in the balcony for a time I didn’t keep track of. I waited for Jongin to go back to his room, but there was nothing. Mom came for me to offer breakfast and it was the only time I gave up on waiting for him.

When we got down, I wasn't really in the mood for anything. Mom was going on and on asking about whether I was already feeling fine or if I possibly was starting to feel some unusual signs, which was ridiculous by the way, that I tried my best to ignore her. She eventually gave up when I wouldn't answer.

Passing by me, she said, "The Kims will be eating with us, so be nice, especially to Jongin." Great. Now, I also have to deal with him after he just walked out on me.

I slumped on a seat next to my little brother, Jisoo, in the dining table. "Hey, buddy." He looked delighted when I ruffled his hair. And that was enough to raise my mood.

"How are you now, Soori?" I raised my head in attention to Mrs. Kim. It was the first time after a really long time that I'd ever see her again so I was stunned at first to finally get a good look of her. She was definitely the carbon copy of Jongin except for her pale complexion, thin lips and petite frame. The woman looked more alive and youthful than I've ever seen her before. Her smile reminded me of candies that I could get a toothache by simply watching her twist up her lips. She was so beautiful. Definitely a charmer.

Smiling back a little, I said, "Better than yesterday."

"Good then." She uttered, buttering the top of her pancake. "It's good that Jongin was able to bring you to the hospital in time, isn't it son?" My gaze fell over Jongin at her question. The said male didn't look up from his plate and just nodded.

Mom suddenly clapped in excitement and said, "He was definitely such a reliable boy. It's no wonder my Soori couldn't live without him." The mothers exchanged smiles. Jongin remained stoic. I gripped on my cutlery tightly. I wasn't that bad before that I won't be able to function without him!

Eyes around the table suddenly shot towards my direction, surprise was in all their faces. Did I just say that out loud? Ugh.

"Honey, are you sure you are okay?" Mom said, placing her hand on top of mine. I clenched my fists, a wave of strong, mixed emotions overcoming me.

"How many times do I have to say that I. Am. Just. Okay?" I said, pulling my hand away from mom's. She looked saddened by my action, but I gulped the guilt and regret down. All i just wanted to do so suddenly was to get it done and over with my pent up feelings that honestly, no one probably ever knew about even in the past

"I am okay." I breathed out, thinking of calming things while I spoke. "I didn't hit my head hard. I'm fine. But most definitely, I am not as useless as you thought I was without Jongin." The said person's eyes shot into my direction in utter disbelief. "I can definitely function well even without him. If I made it before for seven years without him, I definitely can do it too now." I was gazing intently at him. Directing every word his way so he knew how upset I was with him.

And all of a sudden, I just found myself standing up. Bewildered eyes followed me, but before I could even recognize what I was doing, I was already outside our house, sitting on our porch like a sore loser. I think, I just walked out on them. Great.

It wasn't the first time I did this to them. No. Definitely not. But in front of Mrs. Kim? It was a first. So I was deeply embarrassed when I just realized what I did. I walked out on what should have been a nice breakfast with the Kims—without the provider. I heard from mom that the old man moved out of their house a week after they announced to their kids that they were divorcing. And I suppose, with Jongin's quietness and attitude towards me, the separation didn't go well. What divorce did even end well?

The front door behind me abruptly opened cutting me out from my thoughts. I rolled my eyes when I heard Jongin's voice. "You should go back inside Soori. Your mom looked really upset."

"I wasn't upset with her though, so she shouldn’t feel that way."

"I know." He sighed exasperatedly. "You're upset with me. And she doesn’t know that for sure."

I stood up saying, "And now you're finally talking to me." Glaring at him one last time, I walked away, about to take off somewhere where I could cool down. But then, I saw Mrs. Im carrying garbage bags in each of her hands, behind her was her grandson, Baekhyun. I quickly made a beeline to their house, both surprised to actually see me.

"Do you need any help Mrs. Im? I can carry those for you to the disposal area." I offered, pointing at the two bags in her hands.

Although she looked stunned, the old woman smiled and said, "And how do you expect me to let such a beautiful kid carry these so early in the morning?" She lifted the bags she was carrying to show me what she was saying.

I shrugged and just pulled the two bags away from her, ignoring the fact she just complimented me. Even Baekhyun who was usually quiet and unemotional had the guts to gawk at me. I smiled. "How do you expect me to let an old lady carry heavy stuff? By now, you should just be relaxing in your house." I told her. Mrs. Im smiled brightly, her eyes forming into happy crescents along with her lips. It looked really radiant and beautiful on her.

"Well, if it's really fine with you, my grandson would just have to help you in carrying them." She pulled Baekhyun to her side and urged him to help me. The boy, albeit too embarrassed, grabbed one of the bags and told me where to go.

"This way." He pointed to the direction of the r