And so, that's how things ended up returning to "normal". On the surface at least. Hakyeon clung onto me like nothing happened and Taekwoon and I would courteously nod towards each other from afar. I still panic when he walks into the room, but I realized that it was because of his overwhelming presence and my sheer awkwardness. Even after everything, he was still someone I wanted to impress.

            I often saw Hongbin in passing, not that he was aware of it. He was usually chatting with another trainee or staff member or fooling around with the younger group members. We were both working hard on our own activities that time flew by. Sometimes I'd catch a glimpse of him peeking into the room like a mere shadow. Somehow I knew it was him and felt comforted that he really was still keeping an eye on me from afar. I was happy and grateful, but it also made me slightly conscious.

            When did he come? Did I look okay? What if he comes when I look the worst?

            These thoughts seeped in briefly then disappeared as I turned my focus back to practicing for the audition. I needed to get in. I wanted to get in. I wanted to stand on stage, even if it was for a little while. I wanted to share a stage with them before I could stand on my own. I exhaled and sat down.

            The situation with Taekwoon and Hakyeon still wasn't resolved yet, but at least their jealousy tactic died down, probably because they were unsure if I was aware of it or not. But either way, I was relieved. I don't think I would have the heart to say no if Taekwoon had asked me to meet with him alone. With Hakyeon, I would have no issues rejecting it and knowing that our friendship would remain, but with Taekwoon, I wouldn't even know how to act or what to say. Was there anything I could do to push them to talk? Just the thought of being insecure about someone's feelings for more than a day already caused my stomach to squirm and my heart to clench a little. I surely would go crazy and force the answer out of them. Those two must really be dying inside and are trying to maintain a sense of order and routine to scrape by without appearing so broken.

            What can I do? I constantly wondered.

            "Don't hurt yourself. Thinking isn't your forte." a familiar voice echoed throughout the practice room.

            I immediately grinned, "Is the 'pretending we're not friends' game over?"

            "Well it has been a few weeks, and you haven't seen any reporters around your area." Hongbin shrugged as he leaned against the wall. "I think it's safe to pretend we're actual friends again."

            "That's a relief. I missed someone sassing me." I laughed, taking note of the slight tint of pink on his cheeks.

            "Well, I can't stay long. We have a practice of our own. Just wanted to check in." he scratched the back of his head.

            I tilted my head, "Has the few weeks made you more awkward?"

            He glared at me, "It seems you're quite fine then."

            I chuckled, "No, sorry. Stay a little. You were just so stiff. It's not like we were the ones that fought or anything."

            Hongbin relaxed and exhaled, "Yeah. That's true. Guess I'm still in the cautious mindset."

            "You mean your natural mindset?" I teased.

            He rolled his eyes, "Are you sure you didn't mean you missed sassing someone and not the other way around?"

            I giggled, "Probably. It's been a little lonely."

            There was a comfortable silence between us.

            "Well, I'll see you around." he smiled gently. "Break a leg at the auditions tomorrow. Your lovers and Ravi are going to be judges for it."

            I froze then grinned, "Oh perfect."

            He raised an eyebrow as I stood up and stretched.

            "I've been seriously stuck about what piece to audition with, but now, I know exactly what I'm going to do." I turned to him gratefully. "I can always count on you to come in clutch."

            "And I can never tell what you're going to do next." He chuckled and shook his head.

            "Let's just say, I'm going to try killing two birds with one stone." I smiled mischievously.

            He exhaled, "I guess I'll HAVE to stop by to see this tomorrow then."

            "Please do." I smirked. "I think it's going to get the ball rolling."

            "Or create an unnecessary avalanche."

            "It isn't unnecessary if it's going to happen either way." I retorted.

            He laughed and nodded. "Best of luck in your evil plan."

            "Thank you my dear accomplice." I waved as he stepped out of the room.

            I felt a twinge of sadness as I was left alone once again, but the thought of what I had to do tomorrow brought me back. "Let's do this."

~

            As Hongbin stated, there the love triangle was at the front desk along with the head instructor of the Nana school and various choreographers Jellyfish worked with. Ravi sat at the edge with Leo beside him and N at the center of the long table. Leo and Ravi were whispering about something and I could see Hakyeon fighting to keep his face stoic at the interaction. I exhaled and prayed that my dance would get the results I wanted.

            There was murmuring amongst those that were auditioning and I glanced up from my thoughts to find Hongbin walking into the room nonchalantly. He had his hair styled up and was wearing a cut off sleeve t-shirt with dark jeans. I blushed at the sight of him. He grinned and waved at his group members at the table. They happily greeted him in return.

            "Oh my gosh. He's seriously hott." Your best friend whispered.

            "Oh...yeah..." I stated half-heartedly. It's not like I never noticed he was attractive. I just never dwelled on it since we were otherwise preoccupied. I tried not to look over at him but my eyes kept traveling over to where he was standing, whispering to the staff members beside him. I half wanted him to notice me, but I also knew that it would look like favoritism if he did. Everyone knew I was a shoo-in since I was the best trainee in the realm of dancing, not to mention Hakyeon's personal favorite, but I wanted to be more than that.

            "I want to be more than the visual of the group." Hongbin's words that one night he slept over echoed through my head. "I want to do something that truly affects people."

            I smiled. For the first time since I had become a trainee, I knew that having perfect technique wasn't enough. I wanted to be more than a good dancer. I clenched my fist. I wanted my dancing to reach out to others, and I had to put my emotions on the line to do it. Dancing with emotion is entirely different than dancing with energy. It was outside my comfort zone.

            "But if I want to improve and break out of this mold they set me in, shouldn't I step out of it?" Hongbin's voice once again rang through my head. Who knew that night's conversation would become so relatable at this moment?

            I glanced up and found Hongbin's eyes on me. He smiled slightly as a gesture that he was there to witness my plan and I nodded curtly. It was subtle but I knew it was reserved for me. He was there for me. I felt immediately comforted.

            Time ticked by. They had let outside dancers audition first, followed by the Nana School dancers, and left the trainees for last since we were also getting graded for it. I sat there on edge. I should be last. If my plan goes according to plan, I needed to be the last one. And luckily, all of the trainees wanted to go before me so they rushed to volunteer before I had a chance to raise my hand.

            "Well it seems like _____________ is the last one." Hakyeon chuckled. "Come on up."

            I smiled and bowed, introducing myself.

            "So you'll be doing a hip-hop choreography?" the Nana School choreography questioned, looking at the form I submitted.

            "Actually, I decided to go with a contemporary dance if that's okay." I stated and immediately there was muttering of confusion and awe.

            Hakyeon furrowed his brows at my last minute change.

            "Oh? Why the change in styles?" the choreographer asked.

            "I want to be critiqued in something I'm not as confident in." I honestly answered.

            "Do you not care about getting in?"

            "Dancing is more than technique. It's an art that expresses emotions and stories too." I replied, knowing already my change would be questioned and looked down upon.

            Ravi nodded in agreement and smiled at me encouragingly in the silence.

            "Please go ahead then." the choreography gestured.

            I handed the staff member my Ipod with the song and exhaled. My eyes found Hongbin who nodded his head slightly once again. He believed in me. I nodded to the staff member and he immediately pressed play.

[The Song is "Waiting" by Younha. This is the English translation to the lyrics from jpopasia.com]

"How is it that I've fallen in love with you
How can it hurt this much
Never before have I ever wanted someone this much
If I say I miss you about a thousand times, will it reach you
If I try crying and fussing, will you know my feelings?"

            My body began moving fluidly as I channeled all the thoughts I've had since I found out about Hakyeon and Taekwoon. How hurt they must've been to love each other but not know if the other felt the same way. I expressed these emotions through my body and facial expressions.

"Should I trying hating your name about ten thousand times
Shoud I just count the resentments
Although this love has already grown so much
Since you are not me, you probably don't feel the same
Yes, I was the one who liked you more than you liked me."

            Both of them felt like they were in too deep that they were too terrified that it was all for nothing. They tried to hate each other; they tried to be angry at each other, but they could never go too far.

"Even if my feelings are hurt 9 times, I prefer smiling even just once
Since I'm happy by your side
I've never comfortably scowled in dislike even once
It was as if I could do anything you asked."

            They loved each other so much that even if they were hurting. It hurt more to leave. Like a fool, they still clung onto each other. Like a fool, they were just satisfied being by each other's side. They did everything for each other. Their love surpassed the pain that they felt and the burden they bore.

"Even if it's like a 1000 year long wait, I still prefer seeing you
One day, for one month, like that, one year
Though knowing you won't come, I keep turning around
Waiting, waiting... I fall asleep..."

            With their busy schedules, the time they had together dwindled, but they still waited expectantly. They still anticipated the short times they were able to see each other from afar or actually sleep beside each other. Taekwoon used to wait for Hakyeon, knowing he would come home late. Now Hakyeon would wait for Taekwoon, unsure if he was going to even come home from the studio. Even with these doubts, they still waited.

"When will I be able to comfortably see you
When will I be able to discard all this desire
Because I want to know everything about you
Since when has it been living, hidden inside of me
Becoming a deeply embedded thorn that I simply can't remove."

            They both dreamed of the day where they would peacefully be allowed to love each other openly and if that day never comes, they hope that at least the air between them would clear so they could be close friends once again. They wanted to stop this game. They wanted things to be comfortable again. They wanted to be sure again that they wouldn't lose each other. But their feelings were already too deep. They were already tangled up in each other. Was it too late to go back?

            It hurt. Thinking these thoughts. Thinking that two people had to go through each day with these worries, on top of being burdened by the public and their image. My eyes began to water as I continued to dance, hoping that the others would understand, hoping that my feelings would reach them.

"I'm saving it for you and can't give it to anyone else
For me, it's only you, if not you
I'm more comfortable alone, so like yesterday, here,
The one waiting and waiting... is me..."

            Even with all these doubts and struggles, it had to be each other. They couldn't love anyone else. They could only love each other. Even if they tried to look away, their hearts knew what they wanted. So all they could now was wait. Wait for one of them to confess, wait for one of them to leave, wait for ...something. All they could do was wait, believing they were alone in their agony.

            I sat in the middle of the floor looking down as the song ended. My breathing was heavy and I couldn't recall if I had done any of the moves properly, but I was satisfied nonetheless. Suddenly, I heard a sob in front of me and I quickly looked up. Hakyeon burst into tears, covering his face, and sprinted out of the room.

            I did it.

            Taekwoon, with wide eyes, hurried after him.

            I did it.

            Suddenly, Ravi stood up surprised at his group members' flight, but soon, Hongbin was by his side, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Everyone was stunned into silence. I wasn't sure if it was my performance or the fact that Hakyeon had ran out sobbing, but it had an air of awe nonetheless. I couldn't move from my spot. I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I had spent all night choreographing this and was too anxious to get any decent sleep. The effects of my terrible decisions were crashing down now that the adrenaline and anxiety disappeared.

            There was a slow clap that began from the head choreographer and soon, everyone joined in. He stopped his applause and everyone followed suit.

            "Stand up ______." he demanded and I struggled to push myself off the floor nervously.

            He smiled, "Your emotions and story has been heard."

            I blushed happily and bowed deeply, "Thank you so much."

            "You're definitely in." he announced joyfully. "I'm looking forward to working alongside you."

            I grinned widely, "Thank you so much! Please take care of me!"

            I couldn't help but look at Hongbin who was mirroring the same triumphant expression I had on as he kept his hands on Ravi's shoulders.

            "Great job everyone! The official announcements will be posted tomorrow!" the head choreographer signaled the end of the audition.

            The trainees rushed over and hugged me tightly, complimenting my dance as they wiped the remnants of their tears away. They thought that my dance represented something I was going through so they all sympathized with me, and I just went along with it. What else could I have said anyway?

             I laughed as they gushed out their own personal experiences and asked for my help with dancing, feeling as if I won more than I thought I would today. In the midst of the blabbering and the hugging, I stole a glance across the room towards Hongbin who was keeping Ravi preoccupied. As if he felt like someone was staring, he looked over and smiled at me. I hurriedly averted my eyes and blushed.

            Then I remembered. Taekwoon and Hakyeon. It took all my power not to rush out of the crowd and go find them. I knew it was out of my hands now.

            I had created the opportunity for them to talk... would they finally resolve their feelings?  

            I suddenly felt dizzy and my body swayed. I had no control over it anymore.

            "Huh?" I mumbled, confused as to why the room was moving sideways.

            I felt my eyes roll back and then it became dark. 

Author's Note:  Hi everyone ~ I hope everyone's doing well on their finals and their last few weeks of school! Fighting!!

Will Neo finally be able to talk about their feelings? We'll find out in the next chapter :)  ~ Stay tuned!