Hello guys. 

......I just don't know what to say right now. 

I recently found that that my mom has cancer...Bowel/colon cancer. 

I feel so heartbroken and crushed...that I really don't know how to continue on right now. 

I feel so betrayed by God and...just so hurt. 

I feel so sorry towards my mom...I feel like it's all my fault. 

I honestly don't want to tell my friends or people around me...and my parents told me not to even tell my siblings (PS I'm the oldest child) 

I'm currently in the last year of highschool...and really close to my exams. 

But this...my mom...I'm so scared. 

What...if...I lose her? What if she dies? 

I feel so scared...I don't want to lose my mom yet. 

I haven't done anything for her...I've just received so much from her all this time. 

I've done so much bad to her....

My siblings...how heart crushed will they be when they found out?