Donghae woke up with a headache that is splitting his skull in half even before he opened his eyes. He squinted before blinking painfully and saw the ceiling of his living room with the lights on. He grunted before closing his eyes again, his hand threading through his hair to massage the pain away. He only drank a couple of beers and he ended up in his sofa practically dead.

He managed to lift himself up with his eyes still closed and his brows furrowed. Damn, his head hurts so much. After several minutes of trying to get his equilibrium back in place, he opened his eyes and saw his table already cluttered with almost 8 cans of beers, some of them have already spilled and 2 of them still unopened. He sighed heavily as he remembered the reason why he had tried to drown himself into drunkeness.

He let his head fall back on the headrest ignoring the headache as his eyes stared on his ceiling light, feeling empty and void. He brushed his face with his hands and decided to just clean himself up and hit his bed. He’ll clean this mess up later. Or will call one of his grandmother’s helper and clean this up for him. Then he’ll deal with what happens after. He can’t think right now.

He strode listlessly towards his room and into his bathroom. He splashed cold water to wake his sleeping senses before wiping his face dry with the towel. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair a mess, and he looked like he hasn’t slept in weeks. He started to his shirt when his doorbell sounded. He frowned pausing before checking his watch. It read 2:18 in the morning. What the…. He listened again thinking he might just be overhearing things. Then it chimed again.

Who the hell is ringing his doorbell at this time? Then he paused as a thought came to him. Dara? Could she have came back? Hurrying out of the bathroom, he went to his door not paying attention to the pain that seems to throb at the back of his head and saw to his dismay that it was not Dara standing outside through the videophone. Brows furrowing even deeper, he wondered what he could possibly want with him. He sighed heavily before sluggishly pressing the button to open his door.

Hwang Kwang-hee stood outside with a wide smile on his face wearing close to formal clothes. Donghae couldn’t even return his smile and asked rudely, “What do you want?”

Kwang-hee’s smile faded a little. “Wow, good morning. You look terrible.”

Donghae blinked at him with his brows still drew together. Is he here to gloat?

“Can we talk?” Kwang-hee asked.

Donghae closed his eye in exhaustion before looking at him again drily. “Have you realized what time it is?”

“Of course,” Kwang-hee answered. “But I think this is the only time I got before the flight.”

Donghae’s jaw clenched as he was reminded of them leaving. Should he slam the door in his face?

“This is about Dara,” Kwang-hee said immediately probably guessing what Donghae was planning to do.

After a minute of indecision, Donghae opened the door wider and gestured for him to enter.

“Thaaank you,” Kwang-hee said and it irritated Donghae how cheerful and bright he sounds. Maybe he should punch him just to wipe that off his face. It’s probably cruel of him but it would make him feel better.

Kwang-hee looked at the cluttered cans of beers on the table in the middle of the living room. “I can literally see the misery in here.”

Donghae rolled his tongue inside his cheek as he glared at his back. He’s really close to punching him for that mockery. He strode in front of him. “Say what you want and get out.”

Kwang-hee looked at his seething expression with amusement on his face. “Aish. How am I even gonna start,” he muttered then looked at Donghae again. “I love Dara. With all my heart, I love her.”

Donghae’s jaw clenched before averting his gaze somewhere while his hands balled into fists. It’s not what Kwang-hee had said but how he said it. How can he continue to hate someone who’s declaration is ringing with utmost sincerity? Is it time for him to just accept it that Dara is already with someone who probably deserves her much more than he does?

“I meant everything I said last night before asking her to marry me. If I was really a guy, I would ship her off secretly somewhere so you wouldn’t be able to find her and she could just fall inlove with me instead.”

It took a moment before Donghae looked back at Kwang-hee in the eye, his nostrils flaring as he knows there’s no other way for him but to just give way If that meant it would make Dara happy. After what happened last night, it was clear Dara already made a choice. And it wasn’t him.

He opened his mouth to tell him that he’d better take care of Dara because he would grab her and never let her go if Kwang-hee even loosened his hold on her but his mind finally grasped what he said. If I was really a guy—What?

Kwang-hee watched Donghae’s stiff face transformed into comprehension then confusion. As if to stress the point, he added, “I’m gay.”

The crease in Donghae’s forehead vanished as his eyes widened slightly in surprise. It was only for a minute because his eyes narrowed menacingly, “And you’re just using Dara to cover your uality?” Maybe punching him is a good idea.

Kwang-hee scoffed at his accusation. “Please. Dara knew even before Haru was born.” It amuses Kwang-hee how fast Donghae’s expression change. Now he was looking at him with his mouth open slightly in utter suprise. Kwang-hee sighed. “It was fake. Dara and I planned the whole thing last night. In fact, everything about the two of us is fake. Dara was just helping me cover the truth. Well, originally keeping the truth from my father. Now, I guess we’re keeping the truth from the public.”

Donghae scrutinized Kwang-hee’s face. If he is only saying this for a prank, then he’s gonna beat him bloody. Kwang-hee met his gaze, his smiling face turning into a serious expression. “Did you know Dara already died?”

Donghae’s was more at a loss for words. He gaped at Kwang-hee, not understanding what he’s talking about.

“She’s a walking miracle now,” Kwang-hee continued softly with a faraway look in his face. “Sometimes, I really can’t grasp the strength she have to remain strong.” He looked at Donghae who was looking back at him with his brows furrowed in confusion again. “The first time I saw her, she was… really thin and working on a restaurant at an island. She looked so… I dunno… lifeless. She was really pale and practically gaunt. It was also the time I was trying to… keep away from my father’s suspicion. And when she fainted, I was the one who brought her to the hospital. it was when the doctor told her she was pregnant. I could… see how it scared her. Actually, she looked terrified. She had panic written all over her face. I came back for her the next day because… I don’t know. I just don’t think I could leave her. She looked so small and helpless lying there in the hospital bed. She was mostly staring off into space, her hands are on her stomach… other times I see her curled up on the side, crying and I feel so sorry for her. It doesn’t seem like there’s any family member visiting her and I thought she’s probably alone in life now. So I offered her a job in the Philippines and… she grabbed my hand and thanked me like I was some kind of a god-given prayer. I brought her to the Philippines, got her settled and it probably took a couple of months until I saw the real Sandara Park.” Kwang-hee chuckled at the memory. “If I had known the violence she’s keeping hidden, I never would’ve taken her there.

Of course, she found out about me. And she unhesitatingly agreed to help me. So during all those times she was working for Kmag, we had to pose like we’re together. If the people only knew how much cursing I had to endure from her!” Kwang-hee chuckled softly again before looking at him, his smile falling off. “She had a complication when she was giving birth. The doctor told me there’s a bleeding in her pulmonary artery and there’s a 50-50 chance she would be able to live if she continued laboring. The doctor told me I have to make a choice. A choice between the mother or the baby. Who gets to die in order for the other to live? I was… so confused and so scared I didn’t know what to do. I was the only one in the hospital with her and I wanted to tell them that I can’t make that decision but… the doctor told me I have to make the choice quick because both could die if they didn’t immediately proceed with the operation.

She told me that Dara’s case is not isolated. Husbands choose their wives to live though It’s not an easy decision to make for families. I knew… I knew Dara would hate me for choosing her. She had loved Haru so much even before he was born. But I thought… she can have another baby. I didn’t second-guess myself and just signed the waiver begging for the doctor to do everything he can for Dara to live.

But I think Dara knew exactly what I would do. It was… a complete chaos for me. I couldn’t understand what’s happening. I was practically frozen in my feet when they brought Dara out on the delivery room after what seemed like hours. But they were pushing the hospital bed. Rushing. And the doctor shouting orders that I can’t understand. I was rooted from where I was standing, only praying that… she would forgive me for killing her baby. But then one of the nurse stepped out, holding a bundle in her arms. A small crying. It was Haru. And he was alive.”

Donghae felt his eyes burning as his breathing labored, his mind unconsciously visualizing what Kwang-hee is recounting.

“I just… I couldn’t think,” Kwang-hee continued. “The nurse told me that Dara begged for the doctor to let her baby live. She had been under a lot of pain but she understood what’s happening and she pleaded with the doctor. Saying that she wouldn’t be able to live if her baby died anyway. Even with the waiver I signed, the doctor agreed. Probably seeing the desolation in her face and knowing they were running out of time. From the moment Haru was born, her heart stopped. The nurse told me the doctor used the defibrillator on her but… she’s no longer breathing. He was about to pronounce her dead when the baby gave a very loud cry. He was crying so loudly the nurse had a hard time consoling him. And then her heartbeat on the monitor gave a slight movement. It was… really small. Like a nudge. But the doctor held on to that small progress. He used the machine again and… the line goes up and down on the monitor. It was unsteady… but it was enough. And they rushed her to the operation room.

It was a blur after that. I was totally blank. I didn’t know…. I was…. I felt really suspended during that time. Only pacing and pacing and pacing. Praying for any kind of miracle. My prayer was answered because the operation had been successful but Dara was unconscious. For 2 weeks, I think. I always bring baby Haru to her room and lay him down beside her. I knew she would want that. And part of me was hoping she would wake up if she feel that her baby is alive. And really loud.”

Kwang-hee looked at Donghae’s face and noted that there are tears in his face as his eyes are casted down, his jaw tight and his hands lying lifeless on both his sides. “Of course she woke up,” Kwang-hee said. “First thing she did was look for her baby. Then named him Haru.” He cleared his throat as he felt like crying too at the memory. “Dara is is the strongest girl I have ever met. And I think I relied on that too much. Or taken advantage of it. She’s my bestfriend. And I would never do anything to hurt her. But I realized I already did. By asking her to marry me, I knew she’s sacrificing her freedom. For me.” He tsked his tongue. “Sometimes I really want to hate her for it. I mean, why can’t she say no? She knew how impulsive I am!” He sghed heavily. “But I knew she was doing this because she loves me. As her best friend. And also because she feels like she owes me her life and Haru’s. She feels like her life’s gotten better because of me. I mean, sure I offered her a job but… she made it because she was really good at what she does. That’s one bad thing about her. She always wanted to repay your kindness with everything of herself.” Kwang-hee didn’t speak for a minute and just watched how Donghae is taking everything he’s saying. “She loves you. I don’t think she had ever stopped loving you.” Donghae lifted his eyes to him, his face wet from the tears that had trailed on his cheeks. “She told me everything about you. The first time you met, the bet and the deal and then the time you got together, the accident….” Kwang-hee sighed in exasperation. “And I feel really bad because I didn’t think I had ever met two people who is going through so many catastrophes in life and they haven’t even told each other how much they want to be together. All you both do is deny, deny, deny. Reject, reject, reject. And I knew by the look in your face everytime you see her that you wanted to kill me just for being beside her.” He shook his head before levelling his gaze at Donghae. “So tell me this. What is Dara to you?”

Donghae felt like something is lodged in his throat but he managed to answer hoarsely, “She makes me go crazy. And that’s the only thing that made sense to me.”

Kwang-hee considered his answer thoughtfully before nodding approvingly. “Good answer.”He put his hands in pockets. “Don’t think I’m just giving Dara to you because you deserve her. If I had time, I would’ve… I don’t know… order you to chop woods in front of her house or something. But as it happens, I don’t. And… I really wanted to give Dara something that would make her so deliriously happy before I leave.” Then he asked Donghae earnestly, “Can I wrap you with a ribbon?”

Donghae just gaped at Kwang-hee not knowing if he should laugh or cry after everything he told him. There are a lot of questions he wanted to ask but they were somewhere scattered in his brain. Kwang-hee just shook his head at Donghae’s lack of reaction. “Humor is becoming non-existent nowadays,” he muttered then sighed loudly. “Alright, I still got a flight to catch. And… don’t be surprised tomorrow if my face covers all newspaper headlines. Make sure you don’t let Dara go into a rampage because I was the one who told a reporter everything. Okay, so toodles.”

Kwang-hee turned to go.

“W—wait.” Donghae finally found his voice. Kwang-hee turned to face him again questionigly. “What… why are you… I mean…. You’re leaving? Does Dara know you’re leaving?”

“Well, I’m just gonna call her later to let her know,” Kwanghee said. “She’s staying at The Royal Hotel, by the way.” Silence followed and Donghae was rooted to where he was standing with a spaced-out look as he pondered over everything Kwang-hee had said.. He jumped when Kwang-hee suddenly clapped his hands loudly.

“What’re you still doing here?” Kwang-hee said.

“What?”

Kwang-hee rolled his eyes. “I just told you I’m gay and that I’m also leaving and that Dara loves you and that the whole engagement thing was fake and you’re just standing there? I would’ve expected for you to run straight to her after you told me the only thing that made sense to you is your insanity. Geez, how slow.” Donghae gawked at Kwang-hee before he felt a chuckle coming out of his mouth as an undefinable joy spread through him. Kwang-hee warned him before he can move. “But if you even hurt again, I promise I’ll…I dunno… find some guy who’s hotter and richer than you are and set her up on a blind date. You got that?”

Donghae just looked at Kwang-hee barely listening wondering how he should shoo him away without being too rude so he could  sprint over at The Royal Hotel when Kwang-hee scrunched his face in a grimace. “You also might want to take a shower first before going over there because you stink.”

She couldn’t sleep. Dara had been tossing and turning on the bed waiting for that exhaustion to swallow her to unconsciousness but her brain is not cooperating. No matter how tight she shut her eyes, the look on Donghae’s face surface at the front of it. It’s like his face is tattooed at the inside of her eyelids. It’s already close to 3:30 in the morning. She had a flight with Kwang-hee at 8 so that means she have to get ready by 5. SangHyun has already told her he borrowed a truck from their neighbor and he will be driving to Seoul at 4 to bring her clothes.

She closed her eyes again praying for sleep and trying to think about other things to keep herself from thinking about Donghae. She have to cut back on her spending as she spent a lot a money for just a pair of pajamas and a shirt that she will wear tomorrow. She’ll just wear the same pants. She’ll go with SangHyun when he picks up Haru so she could give him a kiss before leaving.

She doesn’t want to leave.

Ah dammit. She sat up exasperated throwing the covers. She’ll just sleep on the plane. She went out of the room to get herself something to drink on the fridge. She took out a can of apple juice and brought it to the room while opening the TV and sinking down on the couch at the foot of the bed and bringing her knees up as she flipped the channels. Nothing is worth watching on the TV anyway so she just let it stay on some basketball game.

And regretted it as it reminded her yet again of Donghae. He loves to play basketball and there was one time she played with him. She had played basketball with her gang friends so she knows a thing or two. Donghae’s face whenever she makes a three pointer was priceless. She smiled at the memory.

Her phone rang and she crept up on the bed from the sofa to get it. She answered, “Kwang-hee?”

“Hey, my sweet,” he said. “I didn’t wake you up, did i?”

“No, I’m already awake.”

Kwang-hee tsked. “Really? Drat, I really wanted to disturb your beauty sleep.”

Dara frowned over his cheery disposition. “What’s wrong?”

“If I’m happy, there’s something wrong?”

“Yes.” She could see Kwang-hee making a face on the phone.

“Aish. Maybe I’ll just call you later,” Kwang-hee said.

Dara sighed. “What is it?”

“Well, I just called to tell you I’m on my way to the airport now.”

Dara sat up straight. “What?” Her eyes went to the wall clock above the TV and it read 03:53am. Is it broken? She immediately got out of bed. “But I thought our flight is 8? Are you on a different time zone? I still haven’t had the chance to get ready! Was it re-scheduled? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” She started to pick up her bag to put her things in. Maybe she’ll just buy a new wardrobe in Canada by borrowing money from him.

“I didn’t told you because you’re not coming with me,” Kwang-hee responded.

Dara’s hand stilled then she straightened up. “What do you mean?”

Kwang-hee sighed on the other line. “Seriously Dara. You didn’t have to go through this. I don’t want you doing this just because you think you owe me your whole life.”

“I wasn’t doing—“

“Liars go to hell,” Kwang-hee interrupted. “And I have just realized that I really don’t want to be married to you. That’s like… , you know?”

Dara found herself sitting down on the side of the bed while holding her phone, unable to say anything.

“Look, Dara. You know how much I love you but I really don’t love you that way.” Dara couldn’t even laugh at his joke and Kwang-hee just sighed heavily. “Oh god, now humor left you too. What’s wrong with my jokes? Aren’t they funny?” He sighed again. “I’m going to the Philippines. I’m going back to JoKwon. He’s… he’s leaving me and… I realize I can’t bear that thought. You know how many times I always leave him but I knew he would always be there if I decided to come back. But… when I called him yesterday, he said he’s already tired and that he’s leaving so he could start a new life. He didn’t tell me where he’s going to. And… after that call I realized… I don’t want to live regretting this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be miserable just to make my father happy. I mean, I could probably stand that but… I’m making 4 people miserable. Myself included. And I just… I realized I just can’t do this anymore. I’ve decided, no more running away for me. No more hiding. I’m following my heart now. And it’s in the Philippines. Well, at least I hope it’s still in the Philippines.”

Dara felt her tears suddenly forming in her eyes.

“I’m gonna ask him to go to Vegas and get married and probably spend, I dunno, a lifetime there because I don’t think my father would welcome me in his home. Like ever, given the way that he just slammed the table last night and walked out.” Kwang-hee sighed again. “I just feel bad for mom. I never had the chance to talk to her because my father forbid me to see her before he walked out on me. But… can you believe it that I feel so light? Like… there’s a thorn that has been plucked out at my back and now I feel like I could fly?”

Dara let out a tearful chuckle. “That is so gay.”

Kwang-hee chuckled too before continuing again. “Thank you for doing all this, Dara. I should’ve done this a long time ago. I was just stupid, I guess. I should’ve listened to you a long time ago. So, let me hear you say that you’re so thankful that we wouldn’t have to go to Canada or to get married. C’mon.”

Dara sniffled. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” Then her tears started falling and she ended up crying noisily. She had gotten so used of Kwang-hee always being there. One she can call everytime she needs a ride, or everytime she needs to go shopping, or if she ran out of milk for Haru and she can’t go out, or whenever she had her period and he would be the one to run to the drugstore to buy her the sanitary napkins, or one who buys Haru’s medicine when he got a fever, or reminding her to drink her medicines. Or someone to vent or bully. She had gotten so used of him being constantly around.

“Aish,” Kwang-hee said exasperated. “I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to go on a vacation. It may be a really long one but I’ll send you pictures everyday so you wouldn’t have to miss me.”

Dara just continued crying and she used the blanket to wipe the tears on her face. 

“Dara,” Kwang-hee said. “By the end of this call, I’m pretty sure the only thing you’re going to think of is Thank you Kwang-hee.” His tone went on a high pitch as he said that. “I don’t think you would even remember my name.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dara said tearfully.

Kwang-hee just sighed on the other line. “Just promise me you’ll be honest with yourself. You know, be happy. Stop with all the act or… continuously lying. Just promise me that you’ll be happy.”

Dara just nodded as she cried again even if Kwang-hee wouldn’t see her nodding her head.

“I’m near the airport now.” Dara cried noisily again. “Stop crying. Geez. Donghae will think I bullied you.”

Dara wiped her tears from the blanket again as she sobbed silently, her shoulders shaking. “Call me when you get to the Philippines, okay? Call me when you go off to Vegas. Just call me everyday!”

“Overseas calls are really expensive but fine,” Kwang-hee said. “And uh… just so you know, I already told Donghae everything.”

Her sobbing stopped as she unconsciously held her breath. “You what?” she whispered.

“He told me loves you. Well… not really the exact words but more like… you make him crazy and that’s the only thing that made sense to him. Which doesn’t even make any sense if you ask me but it sounds good. Maybe I should use that on JoKwon.”

Dara stared at the curtains on the window and felt a smile creeping on her lips despite her tears and her heart practically dancing inside her chest. Kwang-hee didn’t know how many times Donghae had told her he loves her. Well, not really the exact words but the gist is on it. Donghae saying that again is making her feel like she’s gone back to her life three years ago with him always making her feel so... girly.

“Kiss Haru for me. I’m really gonna miss him more than I’ll miss you. Make sure you always show him my picture so he wouldn’t forget me, okay?” Kwang-hee continued.

Dara could feel herself sobbing again then she heard a loud bang. “What’s that?”

“I’m already at the airport and I just ran against a glass door. God, that was embarassing. I can’t