Donghae knew she was gone even before he opened his eyes. He could see the light spilling out from the window through the curtains. He slowly turned to his other side and confirmed that Dara is already gone, the side of the bed rumpled, her scent the only thing she had left behind. He closed his eyes again as he breathed in trying to dismiss the undefinable gloom that had fell on him. He doesn’t want to be bothered by the fact that Dara left, probably at the first light, without even a word. Or anything at all.

What happened last night—or earlier—was beautiful. He had never expected to feel so unabridged. So intact that he felt like he couldn’t ask for anything more. Making love to her makes him feel like he was coming home. And being welcomed to it. And a feeling like everything finally made sense. He opened his eyes and sat up, his hair rumpled, the blanket draped over his hips. He didn’t move for a second as he stared at nothing, just thinking. And one thing he’s definite of.

No, he couldn’t let her go. He wouldn’t let her go.

So much has already happened for them to just give up on each other. He doesn’t believe that she hated him. After her uninhibited response to him last night, her kisses, her touches… that is not the kind of response you give to someone you don’t want in your life. He’s definite that there’s still something in Dara for him that she would let him make love to her. At least that’s what he’s hoping for. He fell back on the bed as he stared at the white ceiling of his room, the damn emotions hitting him so hard he felt like he would burst.

“Dammit,” he said loudly. “I love you. I don’t know why but I do. So just…” he let out a big sigh as he realized he looks an idiot talking to no one. “…come back to me,” he ended his plea in a whisper.

His plea might have missed being delivered to Dara as she has not responded to any of his calls or his messages that morning as he paced back and forth restlessly in his unit while holding his phone. The sky has already turned bright and sunny after last night’s rainfall but it feels like there’s still a dark cloud hovering above his head. She was not in Kmag either when he dropped by after lunch, acting casual only to be informed that Dara has not been in so he left while wondering where she is.

She’s avoiding you, idiot. His mind said sarcastically but he shut if down in his mind. If she’s avoiding him, she can’t do it forever. Should he go to Busan? No, that probably wouldn’t be a good idea if she’s avoiding him and he suddenly dropped by out of the blue. Dammit, he doesn’t know what to think anymore.

He went to his grandmother’s house and Chaerin told him that Dara called her and said that she wouldn’t be able to get Haru in Seoul because she got home really late. Donghae just bit the inside of his cheek but didn’t say anything. Dara called Chaerin and she didn’t even responded to his text messages. He tried not to be too bothered by it. Maybe she needs time to think.

But it’s making him go crazy.  He sat down on the sofa while he tuned out Chaerin babbling on the plush couch near the glass window while he looked at his phone. After a minute of indecision, he finally dialled Dara’s number for the nth time and placed the phone in his ear. He listened to it ringing as his heart is thrumming over what he would actually say if she answered. He let out a sigh of disappointment when it went to voicemail and he pressed the end button.

He heard Chaerin snorting and he turned to her with a wry look. She had an amused expression on her face as she watched him looking morose while holding his phone. “Yeah, she hates you,” she said with a laugh.

“Shut up.” He didn’t know if Chaerin had overheard they way Dara told him off that day in the kitchen but maybe she was eavesdropping, the little twit. He just let out a heavy sigh and decided to just go to any of the guy’s place to hang out and get himself distracted.

“There’s a party tonight at Governor Hwang’s house tonight,” Chaerin said with a smirk as Donghae stood up. “Mrs. Hwang invited Aunt Soong An and she’s going there with Uncle and me.”

“And the reason why I should care is because?” Donghae asked sarcastically.

“Oh my god, oppa,” Chaerin said shaking her head ruefully. “I can’t believe you’re so slow. Governor Hwang is Hwang Kwang-hee’s father. Kwang-hee is naturally going to the party with….” She let her voice trailed off as she looked pointedly at her cousin.

Donghae had realized that even before Chaerin explained. He let out a smirk as he looked at Chaerin. “I’m gonna go to that party too.”

Chaerin just shook her head again, regret on her tone. “Unfortunately, invitation only allowed three guests.” Chaerin stood up with a broad smile. “Too bad, oppa, but I’ll show you pictures.”

“Wha....” Donghae scowled at his cousin as she strode off. “Then you’re not going!” He said after her. “You’re not my mother’s child.” But Chaerin just ignored him as she went up the stairs whistling while flipping her long silver hair. “Ya! Lee Chaerin!”

Only selected media are invited to the party along with several close friends and families of the Governor. The modest house was bright with all of its lights lit up and the music playing on a minimum level of noise to make it sound like background music. Tables and chairs are randomly placed on the grassy ground of the garden and a small stage had been set up in the middle with a band fine-tuning their equipment.  As per the invitation, it was a thank you party of some sort for supporting the Governor and the success of his project of building a new wing in the Public Hospital for the Disabled.

Donghae had been scanning the room for any sight of Dara as soon as he had arrived with his parents and Chaerin. The party has already started and he hadn’t had any glimpse of her. They were sitting at the round table almost at the back and he seems oblivious of the people around him as they chattered on. Some had walked at their table and greeted him but he didn’t know if he had been rude when he was only answering in syllables as his eyes roved the room. His parents had stood up to talk to the wife of the Governor and a couple of others and Chaerin had found someone to talk to sitting beside her.

He had sent a message to Dara earlier that day telling her that he’ll be going to the party. He already expected her answer. Which is none, obviously, or else he wouldn’t be sitting here driving himself crazy while looking for her and trying to figure out what he would say to her. He poured himself a wine and took a sip and nearly choked when he finally caught sight of her walking out of the garden, her arm hooked around Kwang-hee’s with a bright smile. She was only wearing a simple white long-sleeved dress with a tie that is hanging loosely around her neck and black flats, her hair down in short wavy curls but it seems like the room had light up when she entered. Donghae could only stare at her as she greeted the Governor with a courteous bow of her head and Donghae had to look away for a second to refrain himself from walking over there right now and snatching her away from Kwang-hee. As if trying to irritate him to death, Chaerin commented, “Aww Dara’s so pretty. She had improved on her dress choices a lot. I’mma go and greet her.” Chaerin was smirking at him as she stood up and he glared at her as she sashayed her way through the crowd to give Dara a kiss on the cheek. He watched her talking animatedly with Chaerin with Kwang-hee laughing at what Chaerin had said. He took a swig of his wine and swallowed the bitterness that is threatening to swallow him whole.

Dammit, was he the only one who felt last night meant something? He poured himself another glass and as his eyes strayed back to Dara, his forehead slightly creased as he watched her talk to Chaerin while her hand is being held by Kwang-hee. The hands that touched him last night. The hands that ed his shirt… threaded though his hair… caressed his skin.... cupped his face…. He took another drink before finally deciding to walk up to her just to make her uncomfortable because she doesn’t have the right to be so exceptionally beautiful when he wasn’t the one beside her. But before he can stand up, the Governor walked up to the stage and tapped the mike as he cleared his throat. Chaerin walked back to their table and sat down while holding a glass of wine, waiting for the Governor to start his speech.

“Good evening,” the Governor started. “I would like to thank you all for coming.”

Donghae just tuned it out as his eyes are still glued on Dara as Kwang-hee led her to the table with his family. He can’t even understand what the Governor is saying as all he could ever see is her. All he could ever think is how stupid he has been and still is and how he would do anything to get her back in his life. He needs her. With forces unknown to him, she’s the only one who he always want to be around with. He was frayed with incomplete memories but she’s the only one who can make him feel whole.

He loves her.

So much that he doesn’t understand why he even made up the story about getting back at her because of Yoona. Yes, he had been jealous and angry but he should’ve just told her right at that moment when he saw her and to hell with Kwang-hee being there. His choices on how to go about getting her back are the bad ones. He should’ve told the guys about it so they would be able to talk sense into him and he wouldn’t be sitting here alone, staring at her, wishing he was the one sitting beside her and holding her hand.

He inadvertently snapped out of his thoughts when the crowd clapped as the Governor finished his speech. He half-heartedly clapped as he sighed heavily. When the clapping noise simmered down, the Governor leaned over at the microphone again with a big smile on his face.

“I would like to call on my son, Kwang-hee. He seems to have something very important to say.”

Kwang-hee went up to the stage with a big broad smile on his face as the governor returned back to his seat while Kwang-hee took over the space his father had been standing on.

“Thanks Dad,” Kwang=hee said. He looked slightly nervous and he took the microphone from its stand as he addressed the crowd, all watching him raptly. “Well, as you all know, I’ve been the headline of a very… interesting news for the past couple of days.” He let out a little chuckle. “Remind me never to play a prank on someone who doesn’t even know the word humor. Is there no joke among politicians nowadays?” The crowd tittered along with him. “Anyway, I didn’t ask to be on here to address that since, I think I already did a couple of times already and… that’s enough. I know this is a celebration for my father’s success on his project. And I’m thoroughly proud of that.” He cleared his throat. “There is something which I originally wanted to do in private but… I felt like it won’t be enough to actually denote the depth of my emotions if I did it that way. You see, I wanted to shout it to the whole world. I feel like there is nothing that could define this… feeling I have inside me that is literally trying to break free.” The crowd was silent. “And no, it’s not about me coming out of the closet.” The crowd laughed at his joke. When the laughter ceased, Kwang-hee continued, “I would like to call on the very beautiful, the light of my life, my Sandara Park. Can you join me here?”

The crowd, probably had an idea on what Kwang-hee meant to do made whistling sounds. Some laughed and some clapped. But Donghae felt his breath constricting as he watched Dara stood up from her seat with a bemused look on her face and Kwang-hee walked over to her and took her hand to guide her in the middle of the stage. It was a train wreck that Donghae couldn’t help but watch. Chaerin had open in shock and she glanced at Donghae who was sitting rigidly in his seat, his hand gripping the stem of the glass of his wine, the crease in his forehead more pronounced now as his eyes stared fixedly at the front.

Kwang-hee had Dara in the center as he held one of her hand and he looked through her eyes. Just as they had practiced. “Dara,” he started and the crowd already fell silent as they watched the couple with  smile on their faces. “I know things with me hasn’t been easy for you and I thank you for still staying with me inspite of everything.” He let out a breath as he continued. “You are my bestfriend, my best girl… my best. And I thank God for sending you to me. These two years… I wouldn’t be able to go through every bumps, every blows in my life without you. You are the only thing that I want to keep unconditionally.” He chuckled. “I don’t want to spend time on too much words to describe exactly how you mean to me. I want to have you beside me for the rest of my life.” He then let go of Dara’s hand and took something out of his pocket. He flipped the top open as he held it in front of her. “Will you marry me?”

Almost everyone is wearing bright smiles as they waited expectantly for Dara’s answer. Cameras were rolling and snapping capturing this memorable event. Donghae couldn’t feel his breath as he waited for her answer eventhough he knows what it will be.

Dara looked into Kwang-hees eyes and her eyes teared up. It was exactly as they had practiced. Even her tears are on time. Except that she knew the tears weren’t an act. Her heart had felt heavy knowing Donghae is seated somewhere here, watching this unfold. “Yes,” she said in a broken voice though it’s not from utmost elation.

Kwang-hee wrapped his arms around her middle and she lifted hers to wound around his neck. She heard him whisper quietly to her ear, “Thank you, Dara. I’m sorry.” She couldn’t even respond because she was too busy wiping her tears on his shirt.

The moment she said Yes, everyone stood up clapping loudly. Kwang-hee’s parents are all smiles as they stood up too. The Governor seems to be more pleased than anyone. But amidst all the celebration, Donghae was left sitting with his jaw clenched as the bodies of people already blocked his view of the happy couple hugging at the middle of the stage. He felt his chest hurting, he couldn’t breathe. It feels like having woken up from the accident again and realizing something is piercing him inside making him hurt. Chaerin awkwardly stood up as she clapped halfheartedly while glancing down at her cousin.

This is completely unexpected. Sure Chaerin likes to tease and irritate Donghae at his current plight over the love of his life but this… actually hearing Dara say yes to a marriage with another guy…. She could feel the pain emanating from him. Two years… two years too late.

Donghae took his wine glass and downed it all in one gulp before slamming it down on the table and  standing up. Without a word he strode towards the exit, dodging the people congratulating the newly engaged couple in the middle of the stage.

Chaerin just watched him walk away before glancing over at Donghae’s mother. Their eyes met. And they mirrored the same saddened expression over seeing Donghae hurt like he did and knowing they wouldn’t be able to do aything.

The party is already coming to a close and Dara was looking out at the balcony of the Hwang’s house whille she held her phone and reading the messages she had received for the thousandth time that day.

Can we talk?

Where are you?

Please answer me.

Okay, I feel like I’m already turning to a stalker so please just answer.

I’ll be going to the party the governor is setting up. I hope to see you there.

She stared at the messages before she deleted the thread. “You never should’ve come here,” she whispered. She gave out a big heavy sigh as she lifted her eyes to look up at the night sky. Everything had gone perfectly to plan. Kwang-hee should go and consider an acting career in the future. She tried to amuse herself with her thoughts to alleviate the ache that is slowly creeping up on her like a bad virus.

Everytime she closes her eyes, she could still feel him. She wasn’t regretting last night. What happened to them was too beautiful to even wish it never happened. It’s a memory that she will keep for the rest of her life now. Just like all the others that she had with him.

“Hey.”

Dara turned around and saw Kwang-hee joining her on the balcony. He rested his arms on the banister as he looked down at the cluster of people already kissing his parents goodbye. Silence just filled them as they are both engrossed by their melancholy thoughts.

“I was told Donghae was here,” Kwang-hee said breaking the silence.

Dara sighed. “He was.”

“But he left early,” Kwang-hee continued.

“He did.”

Kwang-hee turned his head to look at her. “Dara… I really hate myself for doing this to you.”

Dara just chuckled softly. “You hated doing this to yourself more.”

“That’s true,” Kwang-hee said with a small smile. “But I don’t want you being miserable because of me. I meant everything I said back there. Although, of course, the connotation is completely different from the way the people are perceiving them. But I meant every word. I can’t imagine myself being without you. And it might be really selfish of me… but I was really glad you and Donghae didn’t work out.”

Dara wryly looked at Kwanghee and he took her hand that is already wearing her engagement ring. Kwang-hee gently rubbed it as he continued, “But seeing you there, I know your tears aren’t fake. You can’t cry that easily and out of the blue. And you’re not a good actress.” He looked at Dara. “If there is any chance that you could be with Donghae, please tell me. I don’t want to keep you if there is a chance that one of us will be happy.”

Dara looked at Kwang-hee’s face knowing that if she said yes, he would really let her go.

But she can’t. They have been through so much for her to abandon him now. It’s not about paying him back for everything he did for her. But also out of love for the friendship he had unconditionally gave to her. He was willing to let her go, but where would that leave him? A ridicule for the public to feast on? He would be beyond repair if she broke him now. He needs her. Donghae can move on after this. And she can too. Probably. She loves Kwang-hee enough to sacrifice her own.

“Donghae and i…,” she said quietly and realizing what she will say is true. “We have hurt each so much already that… I don’t think it’s even possible for us to be together.”

“You still love him,” Kwang-hee said.

“I do,” Dara responded. “But I don’t think that’s enough now. There will always be a wall separating us. A memory that already lost him to me. My fight isn’t with him but with destiny. Maybe, we weren’t really meant to be.”

Kwang-hee scowled upon hearing her words. “Are you spouting poems? At this time?”

Dara chuckled. “It sounds good though, doesn’t it? I made it up on the spot. Damn, I’m good.”

“Dara,” Kwang-hee said with a face.

She just laughed it off but it waned down instantly. She sighed heavily as she patted his hand. ”Don’t worry about me, Kwang-hee.  Have you talked to JoKwon? You haven’t called him and I’m pretty sure he’s bawling his eyes out.”

It was Kwang-hee’s turn to look morose. “I guess your sentiments is the same as mine. Maybe we weren’t really meant to be. Maybe our destiny is to really marry each other and forget about our lovelives forever.” He sighed again. “My father wants us to take a vacation somewhere in Vegas or Hawaii. I don’t want to cringe but it seems like a pre-honeymoon gift. Either that or my father just wants me to get out of the picture while he battle it out with that congressman.”

“When will that be?”

“I don’t know. My father said maybe next week.”

They both turned to look up at the dark sky with heavy sighs and Dara chuckled after a moment. “Isn’t this funny? We just got engaged and it feels like we are attending a funeral.”

Kwang-hee didn’t share her amusement. “Yeah, because I think we both died.”

Dara didn’t answer but she agreed. Yeah, it feels like she had died another death. But it was one she had willingly threw herself on. She died and tha