It was Sunday afternoon and I had neither work nor practise. Usually I would feel bored and ask a friend to go out with me but today I felt somehow unsettled. I was lying on the sofa and looking out of the window. It wasn´t raining at the moment but the sky looked dark and I knew that, if I was patient enough, I would get to see the clouds cry.

Watching quietly the wet window, I remembered how Donghae wanted me to stop doing that. Was I really just pretending to like the nice view? I wonder why I´m always in doubt with myself because of him. I do like listening to the falling rain and I do find autumn romantic. But I would feel embarrassed to admit it to Donghae from now on, he wouldn´t believe me and it would make me sound stupid. I´m really becoming intimidated by him. Yet I think I can´t actually hate him. I´m scared to be near him but I also have this weird feeling that I should be there.

“Ah, so stuffy,” I whined and the TV. My small dog came skipping when it noticed me change the position on the sofa. It hoped it could get on too and I gladly made some space.

“Choco, what do you think about Donghae?” I asked her and ruffled the light fur on her back. “Is he a bad guy or a good guy?” My dog of course didn´t know what I was saying but probably felt that I wasn´t feeling the best and snuggled closer to me.

“What´s that supposed to mean, that he´s nice?” I chuckled and Choco was much happier suddenly.

My body was slowly relaxing when the laugh melted the uncomfortable feeling in my guts. I noted that it began really raining and instead of the TV, I continued looking out of the window. But I wasn´t meant to ease because my phone started vibrating against the coffee table. Startled I sat up and put the device to my ear without checking the caller.

“Hyukjae, let me inside right now!” The caller yelled at me and ended the call.

Of course I was quite shocked and had to check the phone for who the hell the rude caller even was. And I wasn´t that much surprised when I read the name Lee Donghae on the display. There wasn´t anyone else I knew that would completely skip the greeting and order me something as impolite as opening my door. Yet once I realised the fact, I was quick to rush to open.

“What took you so long?” Donghae grumbled.

His lonely figure was standing on the hallway once again completely drenched by the rain. Water was dripping from his hair and he was slightly shivering. Either he was cold or he was that angry at me for not opening the door faster.

“Why are you here?” I did have enough sense to guess the answer for my question by myself but I hoped that hearing Donghae say it, it wouldn´t sound so irritating.

“Visiting,” Donghae calmly answered and let himself inside so naturally that I even helped him out of the wet coat.

The uninvited guest was about to stride into my living room to surely leave a puddle of water on my sofa, when he was stopped by the guard dog. Choco was fearlessly barking and its front legs kept raising into the air from the impact. The small creature didn´t have the power, yet it was doing its best to chase the invader away.

“The hell´s that?” Donghae pointed to Choco with amused expression. “Is it alive or is it just a toy?” He laughed and squatted down to touch the puppy. But he didn´t know that until I say so, Choco won´t relax and therefore I managed to get my tiny revenge on the man. Because as Donghae was trying to reach for the startled dog, it launched forward and bit his hand.

“Ouch! It bit me!” Donghae stood up swiftly and showed me his hand with hurt written all over his face. Suits you well, I thought.

“Choco, sit!” I ordered the dog with a smile and of course it listened well to me. Sticking out its tongue and waving its tail. “You did well, good girl,” I cooed to the chagrin of Donghae.

“The bathroom is this way,” I stopped smiling and showed Donghae the door, “dry yourself and wear anything suitable you find there.”

“What´s that supposed to mean?” The brunette gave me a face but I ignored him and walked away to the kitchen. “Oh, I see!” I heard after a while with an echo.

Whenever it´s cold or raining, I dry my laundry in the bathroom, right above the bathtub. The clothes hanging there right now should be already dry so I offered that to Donghae. Better than having to clean the sofa later or having him coughing and sneezing all over my coffee table. Speaking of the table, I put there two mugs with hot tea and some snacks, I was aware that the man wouldn´t leave my house so early and reconciled with the fact that I would have to stay with Donghae even in my free day. What a bad day.

“I think I will buy a pair of these too, so comfy,” Donghae came out of the bathroom in my sweater and huge pants.

“You don´t have any sweatpants at home or what?” I rolled my eyes.

“I have bunch but none of them have smileys drawn all over,” Donghae snorted and placed his smiley next to me on the sofa. “Tea? Do you not have anything stronger?” He asked right away.

“You got drenched, I think that hot tea is the best to warm you up,” I patiently explained holding back my annoyance.

“I can ensure you that liquor does the job much faster,” Donghae jabbed my ribs with his finger.

“Have the tea first,” I didn´t step back this time and fortunately it worked because my guest only groaned but sipped from the tea nevertheless.

We were sitting on the sofa and the atmosphere was thick and awkward. Even Choco ran away to hide under the bed in the bedroom. I was left alone with Donghae and my restless mind. The rain was still tapping on the window pane and the TV was quietly colouring the room with various sounds. I was able to endure the awkwardness only for about a minute before I looked away and out of the window to escape. Once again I realised that I enjoyed the rain much more than Donghae, I didn´t have the courage to tell him, though.

“You´re boring, Hyukjae,” Donghae sing-sang to annoy me. I sighed.

“You knew that already and still came,” I remarked but I didn´t get any reaction after that. Only the feeling of the person next to me standing up and walking away. I didn´t check where he was going, just secretly hoped he would walk away from my life.

“This is it!” I heard him call from the kitchen. I didn´t need to be a genius to guess what he had found. Certainly either the beer in the fridge or soju in the cabinet. I knew it from the start that he wouldn´t let me deny him anything. Even, if he didn´t dread the drink, the sole fact that I refused to give it to him would be enough to make him go look for it. And so I didn´t say anything, didn´t even move and didn´t stop looking out of the window. Only waited.

“How did you know that I like this brand?” Donghae came back with a can in his hand. As always he was making it sound as if my whole life should be devoted to him. I liked that brand of beer too, that´s all.

“So,” I shifted on the sofa so I would by lying over the armrest and could look away at the rain instead of my visitor. “Why did you come, Donghae?” I mustered enough courage to ask him a question that probably didn´t even have an answer.

“I tried to die a while ago again but failed,” to my shock Donghae answered honestly. My heart was beating too fast all of a sudden and I felt that uncomfortable feeling in my guts again. I couldn´t turn around, I couldn´t talk either.

“I ended up sitting in this rain on the train station with a crowd of strangers around me. I hated it so I came here because you are everything possible but not hateful. That´s why, Hyukjae.” Donghae´s deep voice melted into the colourful sounds of the room and I wondered, if I was allowed to shed those tears that filled my eyes.

Fanservice:

Sungmin : Ah! There was once, Eunhyuk and Yesung bought the same clothes, and those were very expensive. So Eunhyuk gave the shirt to Henry… 

Ryeowook : Hahaha! Hope that Yesung won’t find out!

Sungmin : It’s good that I’ve never experienced to have the same shirt with other people. Since I’m a fashion terrorist…

Hello! I´ve been pricking you for a long time because of Donghae´s behaviour, right? I guess it´s time to let Donghae open up a little bit. Thank you very much for reading, if you remember the summer tales I was writing, I´m making a winter version, so check it out, if you want. Also don´t catch a cold and take a good care of yourself! - PandaHero