Lying on my bed one lonely evening in November, I was sprawled like a starfish and watching the ceiling. My cheeks were beet red and my lip bleeding. No, I didn´t get into any fight. Or maybe I did, but with myself. It happened twenty minutes ago when I was vacuuming the bedroom, my stare lingered on the scarf I was wearing last weekend and my breath hitched. I didn´t understand it myself but I had a punch like flashback with Donghae´s eager lips over mine and had to turn off the vacuum cleaner. I bit my lip and began pacing around the room. It can´t be, why does the memory keep coming back? We talked it out with Donghae, we are friends again so what´s this? Why do I need to have flashbacks of kissing a guy?

“Ugh!” I wiggled on the bed and buried my face into the pillow.

It was there again. That daring tongue sliding into my mouth shamelessly and playing with mine. Heat filled up my body and my face reddened even more. I squeezed my eyes tight and screamed into the pillow. It´s because I´m embarrassed and being kissed by a guy is definitely embarrassing. Why? Why? Why? It´s been a while since I had a girlfriend, maybe I should look for one so I wouldn´t feel this flustered.

“Eeek!” I screamed as another flashback attacked all my senses, specifically touch and taste.

“Hyukjae? Are you alright?” All of a sudden, as if on magic, Donghae was standing in the doorway to my bedroom.

“Donghae?!” I sat up abruptly and blinked terrified. “What are you doing here?!”

“Uh, I was knocking on the door but nobody answered and then you screamed so loud. I got worried and because you leave the door unlocked, you should do something about that, I just run inside,” Donghae was looking around the room warily, “are you alright?”

“Uuun,” I only whined and fell down into the pillows. How much more embarrassing can this situation get?

“Hyuk-“

“Go take off your shoes, I was just cleaning,” I grumbled from my soft dungeon.

I buried myself under the pillows and tried to breathe properly, it was impossible, though. I was blushing so much that the heat was threating to burn my bed. I heard a few thuds and then socked feet running closer to me. Donghae returned to the bedroom and sat down on the bed. I thought he would speak up but instead he pushed his arm into the mountain of blankets and put his palm on my forehead.

“You are burning, Hyukjae,” he stated and I swear that at that moment everything caught in flames. “Like a lot,” he added.

“I know!” I could only whine and tried to shake the palm off.

“If you are sick, you shouldn´t clean,” Donghae sighed and shook his head.

“I´m not sick,” I protested, “maybe mentally but physically I´m fine,” I changed my mind after giving it a thought. I must have gone mental, that´s the only possible conclusion.

“Ah, so you know,” Donghae then chuckled. Bastard. “What´s the idea?” He asked and I contemplated, whether I should tell him or not. But then I decided to do it because there was only one friend I wasn´t embarrassed talking to about something like a kiss with a guy. Is it bad that the friend is at the same time the exact guy who kissed me?

“It´s because of you,” I muttered and pushed the pillow into my face.

“Me? What did I do?” Donghae asked and tried to steal the pillow so he could look into my face.

“K-Kissed,” I stuttered and fisted the soft material harder. It was quiet for a while but my curiosity wasn´t enough to beat the fear of uncovering my face.

“Let me in,” Donghae sighed and before I registered his words properly, I felt my body being shifted by force to one side of the bed. I peeked from the pillow and watched how Donghae took off his sweater and climbed into my bed in his black jeans and blue shirt. My heartbeat quickened.

“What are you doing?” I whined when another face appeared right in front of mine. Donghae was lying in the bed next to me and smirking.

“It was annoying guessing where you are and I´m tired so bear with it,” he snorted and I puffed my cheeks. Donghae only chuckled.

“So tell me, why are you so bothered by the kiss?” He asked me and from the playful tone of his voice I realised that he was, indeed, talking to me as a good friend. I decided to answer honestly.

“I have no idea truthfully,” I whined and with another slap of the flashback, my cheeks reddened. “I keep getting reminded and my body reacts like that.”

“I see,” Donghae hummed and pretending to be a doctor or something, he scanned my face carefully. “So you are embarrassed?”

“Of course!” I frowned and buried my face into the mattress.

“Do you possibly like me, Lee Hyukjae?” I raised my stare at once and caught Donghae smirking horribly at me.

“What? No! What are you saying!” I wanted to just dig a hole and hide there but it wasn´t possible so instead I grabbed the nearest pillow and hit Donghae with it.

“That´s war, Hyukjae!” Donghae laughed and without properly knowing how it all happened, we ended up in a pillow fight.

“There!” I grinned and hit Donghae so hard that he face palmed the blanket. I was laughing bad but the brunette was already preparing his revenge.

Raising on his knees Donghae tugged on my shirt and once I was defencelessly lying on my back with my limbs in the air, he began tickling me all over. I begged him to stop with tears in my eyes and at the same time I wanted to play more, laugh more, be happy as long as possible. But that´s not how life works and the funny mood in the room got interrupted by my ringtone.

“Donghae let go,” I laughed and tried to push him away.

“As if, I´m gonna tickle you to death,” Donghae retorted childishly and the phone stopped ringing.

We played some more but I heard a few messages beep on my phone. It was making me nervous. And when the device began ringing again, I had no choice but to shove Donghae aside. The latter crossed his arms over his chest, sitting in the middle of the bed, he was fuming. What a child I thought and picked up the phone.

“Mom?” I said with a smile.

“My baby, where were you?” She asked and her voice was somehow shaky.

“Uh, I was vacuuming. Is something the matter?” My smile died down and even sulking Donghae turned serious.

“I called you yesterday that I´m taking Choco to the doctor´s again, right?” She asked and her voice was very quiet and careful. My fingers began shaking because I already knew, I knew what was coming. Choco wasn´t a young puppy anymore but this was too sudden. I tried to stop my mother from saying more but my throat tightened to the point that I wasn´t able to let out a single sound.

“Choco was suffering, Hyukjae, we asked the doctor to make your baby go peacefully. You know there was no other way, right? Mom wouldn´t ask, if it wasn´t necessary. Are you there, dear?” My mom was very worried and she had the reason to.

Choco wasn´t a dog for me, it was my soulmate. Somebody that loves me unconditionally no matter what I say or do. Choco was always on my side against anyone I wasn´t comfortable with, together we grew up and went through the life. I can´t believe Choco´s lifespan would disperse in the moment of my biggest turmoil. I needed my dog but it wasn´t Choco´s fault that it had to leave.

“Mom? I´m still,” I held my breath as my fingers shook. Alone, I felt so lonely all of a sudden, so incredibly hurt that I was left by myself.

“I´m still here.”

Fanservice:

150719 inkigayo recording:
When Eunhyuk entered…
Fan: So pretty!
Eunhyuk: ELF are pretty too. Cause it’s dark.
Fans: ….

Hello! As you all hoped, I give you flustered Hyukkie. Do you remember when I said, that the only one you can trust in the story is Choco? Now the puppy is gone, I who know what will happen. :P Actually I do, the story is already finished so I will try to post a chapter every two days. Any suggestions what to write next? Thank you for reading and have a nice day! - PandaHero