There are days like these, when you know it´s morning already, but it just feels so good sleeping that you don´t want to open your eyes. I felt warm and the blanket was covering my cheek, the only reason I woke up was the thin ray of sunlight that escaped the curtains and poked my eyes. I hummed but didn´t want to move because I could wake Donghae up.

Yes, I mean Lee Donghae. Yesterday I got another panic attack and he had to once again stay overnight to calm me down. Don´t get scared, I was doing quite well but sometimes I just couldn´t bear being with myself and had to call Donghae for help. The brunette was sitting on my sofa and sleeping. I cuddled to his side and covered us both with a blanket before I fell asleep exhausted. I hoped he wouldn´t get cramps from the bad sleeping position but at the same time I couldn´t really ask him to go home. I wanted him to stay, forever if that was possible.

I was thinking about this a lot nowadays. That I might actually feel something more toward Donghae than I would like to admit to myself. Donghae was kind and a little childish. He liked watching cartoons and eating snacks but at the same time he worked hard and felt responsible for me. We started passing so much time together that we became comfortable enough to fall asleep like that.

Being awake, I felt fresh enough to open my eyes. The sunlight hit me straight and I had hard time adjusting to it. When I managed, I sat up carefully and with hazy eyes looked at Donghae. He was still sleeping with bangs all over his face. Silently snoring, I thought it was cute. His lips were slightly protruding and my stare lingered on them. Should I try? Since he´s asleep, he won´t know and I can set my feelings straight. Donghae saved me, it might not be love but gratefulness. Maybe it´s just an attachment of some sort.

I kneeled and leaned forward. I propped my arms against the headrest of the sofa so I had Donghae´s head in between. I bit my lip, what am I doing? But those lips looked so inviting, it could be my only one chance to try without Donghae knowing. I gulped down and leaned forward. Once my lips were pressed against Donghae´s I closed my eyes. My heart started beating loudly against my ribcage and it could have been what woke the brunette up.

The sleepy eyes opened even so slightly but didn´t look startled. Maybe he thought he was still dreaming because he closed them again and started kissing me. I intended for a peck only but now it was a full-fledged kiss. Donghae on my lower lip and I moaned. Two hands slid up and hooked over my hips and I found myself in a warm morning embrace. Then Donghae detached his lips and sighed. Without opening his eyes he pulled on my hips and I caught him around his neck.

“Good morning, Hyukjae,” Donghae croaked when I was settled on his lap with my face on his shoulder.

“Uh, morning,” I mumbled because I was embarrassed to hell. Never would I have expected Donghae to process me like that. Was he awake or not by the way?

“What did I do to earn such a nice wake up call, hm?” He whispered into my neck with his morning voice.

“Breakfast,” I chuckled feeling suddenly comfortable again. I wondered, if I should tell him the truth, that I actually wanted to kiss him but decided to not be cheesy. It didn´t suit me anyway.

“I see,” Donghae chuckled too and pecked my neck. “What do you want to eat then?”

“It doesn´t matter,” I wiggled a little bit from his embrace and rubbed my eyes. “My stomach is grumbling.”

“That´s butterflies, Hyukjae,” Donghae laughed and I slapped his shoulder.

“Nope, it´s mere hunger,” I stuck my tongue at him.

“Hunger for another kiss?” The one from us, who actually was cheesy, answered and I had no choice but to blush again. How can he say something like that? “Okay, I get.” Not getting any answer, Donghae gently shifted me to sit on the sofa and stood up.

He stretched his surely sore muscles and his shirt raised, revealing the soft tummy. Then he gave me a smile, which I returned, and lazily shuffled into the bathroom for his toothbrush and then to the kitchen. Now that I think about it, Donghae has spare clothes, shoes, toothbrush and many more things at my place. I have his favourite brand of beer in the fridge and snacks in the pantry.

I walked into the bathroom and while brushing my teeth, I decided to count all Donghae´s things in the room. The final number was thirteen, which is a lot for somebody who isn´t my lover. Or is he? I kissed him, didn´t I? We go on dinners together, sleep in one bed, play games and cry together, that´s pretty close to a relationship I would say. Sigh.

When I entered the kitchen, Donghae was finishing with the breakfast already and was humming a song. He grinned once he noticed me in the doorway, I snorted and sat down on a chair.

“Are you coming on Friday?” I asked him, when he sat down by the table too.

“Of course! Kangin would kill me, if I didn´t show up!” Donghae shook his head.

“So you are coming to see Kangin, huh?” I joked and pretended to be sulking.

I can´t thank Donghae enough for helping me with sorting things out with my friends and family. Apparently he met up with Kangin and Yesung and during one drinking session explained to them some of the happenings. I don´t know, what he told them and I don´t even want to hear it. I don´t want to seem pitiful but that was how I behaved. I hope to grow up to be a strong man, who won´t need to be ashamed for his acts. Both the staff from zoo and the musical troupe forgave me and after some time I managed to bring peace to my life again. I didn´t need to clean only anymore and get ignored when I tried to teach a new move. I earned my respect back and I would do anything in the world to keep it like that.

“As if.” Smack! I opened my eyes in surprise. I was pretending to sulk so bad that I didn´t notice Donghae leaning over the table and pecking my lips. I guess we are dating then? “I don´t want to miss seeing you dance,” Donghae just sheepishly smiled.

“Seriously,” I laughed and my lips. “Didn´t I tell you to not eat snacks before breakfast?”

“How did you know?” The satisfied smirk on Donghae´s face vanished and childish guilt appeared on his face. Donghae had this bad habit of opening cookies before breakfast and I always nagged him for it. It wasn´t healthy and the cookies in the opened pack would during the day get moist and chewy. In the future we might even fight because of little things like that but not now yet.

I stood up from my seat and strode to Donghae. I bent down and kissed him hard, his lips and pushing my tongue inside. Donghae was startled and completely lost the battle. I his cavern through and then pulled away. I straightened up and my lips again.

“Like that,” I winked.

From that morning onwards I could do it again. Instead of poison I could once again taste sugar in my mouth. The last falling leaves turned brown and the sunrise coloured my whole apartment in orange. Donghae´s wide eyes were shining and instead of death it was me reflected in them. I smiled widely and breathed in. Let´s keep on living,

The End

Fanservice:

Teuk: This is just the start, ELF. You have to be together with us until 20 years from now on!

Good afternoon! So this is the last chapter! I hope no questions stayed unanswered nor you feel disappointed. I wanted to show that nothing big has to happen for one to fall into depression. And most importantly, that nobody´s life is bad as long as the person is brave enough to think positively. It´s easy to be negative and hard to stay happy. Thank you very much for the support and your great comments, I hope we can meet again in my next story. :) The weather is getting colder, Super Junior members that are in the army will have to also endure it. Let´s stay ELF and take care, everyone! - PandaHero