That weird feeling was a little unsettling. I meant the feeling when you aren´t sure what exactly is going on around you. I was standing in the empty racoon cage and shaking my head. Donghae was there with me and with amusement swaying his mop. Donghae was actually cleaning the cage.

“I wonder how such a sleepyhead can make so much mess,” Donghae chuckled and pointed to the tunnel where the racoons were locked for the time being.

“They are nocturnal animals, you would be surprised how active they are during the night, they cause lots of troubles too,” I smiled and started washing the metal dishes.

“Well, they have to play hard,” Donghae hummed, “I heard they don´t live longer than three years.”

“Actually that´s true,” I stopped scrubbing the bowl and looked up at Donghae. I was kind of amazed by both, his knowledge and also unexpected curiosity. “But that´s just about wild living animals. Racoons in zoos and parks usually live up to even twenty years.”

“Wow, that´s bad,” Donghae then sighed and I would laugh seeing him fight with the mess on the floor, but I was taken aback by his remark.

“What do you mean?” I asked eventually.

“Isn´t that obvious?” The shorter man stopped mopping and turned to speak to me. “They are forced to live.”

“Forced to live? I don´t understand your thinking, isn´t it good to live longer?” I scratched my head and looked attentativelly at the sleeping racoon in the tunnel.

“There´s nothing good on living too long. I personally wish the life was much shorter than it is. Even thirty years feel like eternity to me already,” Donghae sighed and silently returned to cleaning the cage.

But I felt as if something got stuck in my ribcage. That painful feeling was back. Whenever Donghae began talking about death, I couldn´t but feel anxious. Dying was supposed to be natural but the way he was so fond of the topic was making me feel sick.

“Let´s finish quickly and take a break, I feel cold,” I said dejectedly and slammed the clean metal bowl against the floor so hard that I even woke up one of the racoons.

Thirty minutes later I was holding two cups of hot tea with honey and walking towards the small table in the changing room. Donghae was sitting on the plastic chair and typing on his phone. When I sat down next to him, he put the device away and picked up his drink.

“Are you alright?” Donghae asked me after a few minutes of silence with only the sound of my breath cooling the hot tea.

“Of course,” I returned because I didn´t see anything wrong with me.

“You aren´t smiling,” Donghae added, “you always smile when somebody asks you a question.”

“Is that so?” I sighed and tried to smile a little but failed. I just didn´t feel like it.

“You are smiling way less than before, it´s boring,” the brunette was in the mood to piss me off again.

“You thought I was boring when I smiled too so I see no reason to act any special,” trying to save as much energy as possible, I answered with a lethargic sigh.

“You´ve never been boring, Hyukjae,” Donghae said and sipped from his honey tea, “I don´t understand how you could not realise that was just playing around.”

“Liar,” I only breathed and tried to warm myself up with the drink. It didn´t work, though. Why is it so freaking cold all the time? Where´s the sun? Where´s the summer? I hate this. I hate this all.

“And now you are even frowning,” I heard from next to me and was ready to lash out, “day by day your mood is getting worse. Come here.”

I turned my head just in time to meet Donghae´s eyes. Weird, something is odd. Since when were those sad eyes so shiny? Donghae shifted with his chair closer and turned mine towards himself. He took both of my hands by the wrists and clasped them together. Then he breathed some hot air on his palms and placed those on my hands. Warm, it felt so warm. Much warmer than the hot tea. So good.

“Just buy some better underwear or something, you keep shaking the whole time,” he told me and rubbed me with his palms.

“What are you doing?” I asked confused. Was this another stupid idea to lead me into thinking I was being treated well, before getting dumped together with a painful stab? I couldn´t trust Donghae no more but still it felt so comfortable. “I thought you hated when I was acting like a wimp.”

“I don´t know, I simply feel like there´s more to it,” he then looked into my eyes again with a small uncharacteristic smile on his thin lips. “Like there is more to you than I had initially thought. You are a little complex after all.”

“I´m not,” I muttered for my defence. “I´m totally simple.” But did I defend myself or rather made myself sound like a ?

“Simple, huh?” Donghae laughed cheerfully and fondled my hands in his. “You seem like that on the first sight only because you are like an iceberg.”

“Iceberg? You think I´m cold or what?” I huffed but didn´t make any effort to pull my hands away from his warm clasp.

“No, I just think that seventy percent of Hyukjae is hidden somewhere under the water surface. It´s too deep for me to see from a ship. I think I will have to find a submarine and dive, if I want to find the real you.”

That beautiful comparison made my heart flutter. Although it didn´t sound like a very nice thing, especially because I came to believe that there is only ugly stuff beneath the water for me, it was still very much flattering to hear it. I mean, to hear that Donghae was interested in the sides of me he didn´t know. I didn´t really want him to dig more dirt about me but I liked the fact that he, even for a few moments, changed his attitude towards me.

“If there is somebody complicated, then it would be you, Donghae,” I sighed but offered him a small smile. First after a very long time.

“You wouldn´t even believe how simple I actually am,” the brunette then clapped his hands with mine in between and finally let go. I felt a little lost without his touch but at the same time much warmer.

“Thank you,” I said putting my hands on the cooling cup of tea. “How come you decided to work in the zoo with me regularly?” I raised a question that kept bugging me for a while now.

“It´s fun, that´s all,” Donghae shrugged and sipped from his own cup of sweet warmness.

“But I told you, I´m not gonna share my pay with you,” I warned jokingly.

“Oh, that I know,” Donghae smirked widely and looked at me with eyes filled with mischief, “that you are a horrible scrooge!”

“Tsk,” I hissed and then we both laughed. And while we were laughing I secretly shifted closer. Donghae was warm, way too warm to be dead.

Fanservice:

The promoter of the upcoming concert of South Korean boy band Super Junior revealed that the members requested various fruits, especially bananas, at their accommodation.

“On top of their rider list is fruit. Their favorite is bananas; they requested a lot of bananas,” said Franciska Meilani from Synergism Entertainment.

Is there possibly a monkey among the members?

Hey! Another chapter full of surprising Donghae. But in the next one it will be Hyukaje bringing some thoughts. :P Is there anyone studying economy or so? Because I would like to know what exactly it means for SJ to have their own label. Does that possibly mean that less of their share would now go to other SM artists? ALso I guess it means less money from SM for SJ? I don´t really know. Anyway, thank you for reading, I´m pretty depressed with the weather and everything, tho. I hope you guys stay cheery. - PandaHero