I cried so much when I was writting this

Some nights I remember what happened then. The nights of being beaten and the days of thinking about Jackson. The night that I was kidnapped was actually after a fight with the Got7 members. I had wanted to get some food but they wouldn't in fear that I would be kidnapped. Amber had showed us the note that had appeared after Taemin was kidnapped. She was scared for me because of how just a week before Kyungsoo had been kidnapped. I remember me yelling at them then storming off. Jackson even tried to follow me but I glared at him and he backed off. I sat in the rain of a random alleyway when those people came up. I looked up and right then I regretted even leaving the dorm.

    The first thing I saw was a dark room with two other chained people along the different walls. I had looked up and tried to unchain myself. Kyungsoo and Taemin said once that I screamed a lot. I can't remember why I screamed outside of my sections. Long before everyone else had I learned why we were there. Gongchan was there because that girl was in love with him but he loved Jinyoung, Kyungsoo was there because he was a 'threat' to the mission, Taemin was there because he was 'close' to Kyungsoo so he was a 'threat', Hongbin was there so they could get information on the members of B1A4, and I was there because I was close to Amber who was close to Taemin who was close to Jongin who was close to Kyungsoo so was considered a 'threat'. 

    I was unconscious for most of my time there. When I was awake it was the session. When we had moved to the room these sessions were almost not existent. I had thought that Hongbin had then been kidnapped. However some nights I would wake up screaming with their words in my head. They had said everything that I had feared and worse. I was shown videos of the members of Got7. Each time I would even make a noise or cry they would hit me. I was quiet to begin with but even now it is hard to talk. No one knows this but I took almost all of their beatings. If they heard me say this they would most certainly be mad at me. I have scares and words all over my body. Sometimes now when Jackson is sleeping I would read them. The one that hurts the most in the word 'mine' all over me. When Jackson had first seen me with my shirt off I could tell that there were tears in his eyes. Even before that kidnapping we had been a couple. Many times at nights he would whisper into my ears about how much he loved me and I would tell him the same. One night when I was tracing the marks Jackson grabbed my arms and hovered over me. He looked at me then kissed me.

    When I out I remember the gun shots then the pain. The first thing I remember after that was Gongchan's face. I remember speaking but I can't remember what I said. Then I out again. I was woken by the shouts of the police. I looked up to see that girl with the gun. Then shots and Gongchan and the girl falling to the ground. I was quiet as I tried to get what was going on. Then arms wrapped around me. I had screamed in fear because the only touching I had gone through was during the sessions. Then I felt the warm breath. Jackson. The blackness caught up with me before I could see his face.

    There was a party for the trial the Gongchan was in. I thought that it was crazy that he was sued. She had beaten us and messed up mentally. However Jongin had gotten enough evidence that it was in Gongchan's favor and he won. We were the first people to the restaurant even with the little obstacle being that we went past the place that I was kidnapped. I stayed extra close to Jackson when we went past and he wrapped his arm around me. Jackson was kissing my neck when Shinee came in. We bowed to each other and Taemin hugged me. He knew most of my pain because he was the closest to the torture room. Then after a while EXO came in with Kyungsoo and Jongin coming a bit later. I laughed a little when I saw the face of Jongin when he saw the 2min couple kissing. Jackson was even more disturbed by the Jongkey couple because of how Jonghyun had one hand on Key's stomach. I felt kind of sad to see Onew by himself but when B1A4 and VIXX came in he went to talk to CNU and Leo, even with it mostly having Leo look at CNU most of the time with a hint of blush on his face and CNU laughing at Onew's weird jokes. They were a weird crowd. It made me laugh a little.

    When I saw the show with Gongchan in it I was glad. He needed to tell people his story. His memory was starting to fade because it was actually P.O who called Gongchan that night that he was kidnapped but he remembered most of it. I had written everything in a book and locked it away. I told J.Y.P that if anything happened to me that they could read it. 

    Jackson kissed me and told me to be safe because I was going to be on the show Running Man and Rap Monster had told him that they came up with weird things for them to do. I laughed and told him not to worry. I was running down the staircase of a mall when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned expecting it to be one of my team mates but I saw that mask again. I pushed at the arm and screamed. I heard Ha Ha yell what was wrong but I couldn't answer. A hand was gripped on my neck and I was being shoved onto the glass railing. Everyone came out as I managed to scream again before I was thrown over the railing. I screamed even more as I knew that I was going to hit the ground. The last thing I saw was the mask being lifted and showing his face. With my face in surprised I wasn't even able to close my eyes before the black took over my senses.

the feelz