-For once, I want to talk to you again, just like the old times.-

March,1997

“How come you never go to zoo? Did your mother never bring you here?”

The teenager version Gyul stared at him like observing an alien thing. How could 11 years old him never go to zoo while the other kid at least once ever go there with their family? 

“You know it, I always stay with you since the day I born. Omma…” L looked sad while thinking about his mother. He played with his finger while looking down. “It’s okay, I’m just asking.”

Gyul stared at him and drew a smile line on her face. “Oohhoo… Look! Who is the kid? Does Kim Myungsoo, the big boy, want to go to zoo with this nuna?” She teased L until the boy looked red.

“I don’t want to go to zoo! I’m just curious.”  L raised his voice at her.

The older one startled and became silent. She stared at him silently. L softened his gaze and apologized.

“Sorry, Gyul. I didn’t mean to…” L took Gyul’s hand.

Gyul smiled. “This is called feel ashamed.”

L stared at her.

“If you want something, say it, instead of keep it inside. No one would know what you want and feel if you never told. Up to a certain point, if you keep doing this, you will never know what actually you want or how you feel.”

Gyul rumbled L’s hair to again. L tried to avoid the hands.

“Ya!” L raised his voice. Gyul stopped running after him and fold her arms when she heard L.

“Ya? YA? You called me ‘ya?’ How dare you speak like that to someone older than you? Is that how I teach you manner?” Gyul pretended to angry.

“Sorry, Gyul.” L quickly felt bad to see his older childhood friend’s angry expression.

“It’s okay. By the way, you are ugly if you keep that kind expression.” Gyul pulled down L’s hat to cover his face.

“GYUL!” L felt annoyed. Gyul laughed heartily.

Her laugh was felt like music to his ear. It was always comfortable and home. It was what keeping him this way. Gyul was the one who molded him into the person he was.

“Human and emotion, these two things cannot be separated. That’s what makes human alive. Instead of bottling and ignore what you feel, it is better that you enjoy how the feeling is. It is what makes you alive.” -

Year 2015

It was the Gyul, L remembered. How was Gyul now? Would she still be the same Gyul he knew?

The thought of her already made him felt fluttered and excited to see her.

L really wanted to meet her as soon as possible. He bet that Gyul would like it so much, since still he kept his promise to be back after eighteen years.

L stared at a store across the street from inside car. It was a doll store. There are many animal type dolls in big size and some were in real size. L smiled excitedly at the thought when he was staring at the store. He reminded to one of the memories he shared with Gyul about the store.

Do you still remember our promise here?

L suddenly heard his phone rang. It was Gyul.

He smiled when he saw the caller number.

“Gyul!” L greeted in excited tone but what he got was the opposite tone. The Gyul he anticipated was answering back with unpleased tone.

“Stop that nickname, Kim Myungsoo. You’re not a kid anymore.” L’s excitement was slowly sliding down by the tone, but he tried to understand. Maybe she was having a bad day today.

“Yes, Park Gyuri.” L was still smiling.

“Nuna. I’m older than you. You should call me that, shouldn’t you? Whatever, I’m not going to talk about this. I want to say. Don’t live at my house. Don’t! You can live anywhere you want but not in mine.” Gyuri didn’t give him another chance to answer.

“Why?”

“Simple, I don’t like if there’s stranger inside.”

“But I’m not a stranger. I practically lived in your house since I was born.” Myungsoo didn’t understand the reason.

“It is past tense so it cannot be applied to now. You’re a stranger for me. You and I didn’t have any more relation and will not have. “

“Why?”

“Because…” Gyuri halted for a second of hesitation before she continued her sentences. “I dislike you.”

“Why?” Myungsoo still asked the same question back.

“Because I hate you and you’re ugly and don’t say ‘why’ again. Don’t you have anything else to say? Oh wait, just don’t say anything more, I’ll hang up!”

“Do you remember how I look? Or don’t you curious how am I now?”

“Not at all. I remembered that you’re ugly and dark.”

“But, I’m already grown up.” Myungsoo looked at his reflection on the store glass window. All in black color from head to toe. “Well, at least it’s true that I’m still all in black.”

He grinned as he thought Gyuri would laugh on the jokes.

“Cut out all nonsense talk. I tried to make point here. Don’t come to my house, or I’ll throw you out to street.” Gyuri threatened.

“How can you say hate to someone you haven’t met for eighteen years? I still like you so much just like eighteen years before.”

“It’s only you who feel that. For me, I hate you from the start. I don’t like you even for a bit.”

The sentence hit Myungsoo.

“Why?”

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