Chapter Nine

 

 

JIMIN'S POV

 

I slowly opened my eyes, I don’t remember if I died or not. The harsh light blinded my eyes that I had to force them shut. I grunted and cautiously opened them again, you seriously never learn Jimin. I looked up at the ceiling and realized I was in my bedroom; I looked down at my body and saw that I was wearing different clothes than before.
 

Unlike before, I was now wearing a pair of grey sweatpants with a matching jumper. My body felt slightly swollen and sore. Probably from the ice cold water. What happened after I ducked my head in? I remember recording the video and then slowly going in. Then it all hit me, I remember the song, I remember panicking because I decided I didn’t want to die just yet so I got out and was calling for V. I don’t remember anything after that.

 

I laid my head down on the soft pillow, and wondered. I could have succeeded and actually died. What if I did? I would have died with so many regrets. I shivered at the thought. I could have left them all just like that; it was so easy, so simple.  I realized that suicide was so simple to complete if your mind was 100% supporting the idea, but the hard part is trying to overpower the depressing thoughts. I felt slightly proud of myself that I got out before this all came to an end. But I also felt sad because I would still die soon.

 

I looked around me, the surroundings of my room. There I saw Jungkook sleeping next to me in an awkward position. He sat on the ground but with his head resting on the edge of my bed. He looked so handsome. I saw all the other guys sleeping pretty much everywhere in my room on the ground, also in awkward positions. The sight made me chuckle softly.

 

I was so grateful to be able to have them in my life. I turned to my left facing Jungkook and slowly reached for his larger pale hand. I brought his hand slowly to me, near my chest and held them with both hands, and drifted off to a peaceful slumber.

 

---

 

JUNGKOOK’S POV

 

I felt my hand being moved, as I slowly opened my eyes at the scene in front of my making me smile. Jimin was tightly holding on to my hand, cuddling it to his chest. The sight made my heart warm, he is beyond adorable. I put my fingers through his soft hair, seeing him sigh in pleasure in his sleep. I looked at his face, wondering about pretty much everything.

 

I traced my fingers through his facial features, my thumb stopped at his pink luscious lips.

 

“What if I really lost you?” I spoke to myself.

 

I slowly leaned down to his face, the proximity quickly decreasing. I stared at his beautiful face and pressed my lips to his softly. It felt as if I had everything under control, instantly I felt calm and at peace. The amount of effect he had on me. We haven’t kissed in a long time and I really missed feeling his lips on mine.

 

My back was aching from my sleeping position so I slowly sat on Jimin’s bed and carefully laid my head on his pillow not wanting to wake him up. Once I was in the correct position, Jimin still holding onto my hand I put my other arm loosely around his waist.

 

It felt so good by just being near him. As if I belonged here beside him. I kissed him softly on the forehead and let sleep take over me. I finally had a good dream after so long.

 

---

{Listen to Taeyeon feat. Verbal Jint - I}

 

Jimin’s POV

 

The next time I woke up I found Jungkook lying beside me. My heart was beating so fast from the proximity beween us, I’m surprised he didn’t wake up from it. As if he could read my thoughts I saw his eyes flutter open, the familiar chocolate brown eyes shining at me, the ones I have missed staring deeply at. My breath hitched as I was taken aback by how handsome Jungkook really was. I was also nervous and scared with his reaction since he hated me.

 

He slowly lifted his hand and traced my face softly with his fingertips. I got shivers, the sensation felt so ghostly as if he wasn’t really there. He held my face softly in his, rubbing my cheeks while staring at me. I just wanted to kiss him, hug him. I wanted us to go back to how we used to be.

 

“I’m sorry.” I said softly. He raised an eyebrow at me.

 

“I’m sorry for everything.”

 

“Why did you do it?” His spoke calmly but it still sent shivers down my spine from how intimidating and serious he sounded.

 

“I didn’t want to hurt you I-I just didn’t want to leave you behind in p-pain because it would have been selfish of me, but I still caused you pain and it-“

 

He smashed his lips to mine roughly. The kiss was so passionate; strong it made me feel weak as I trembled holding onto his shirt. He deepened the kiss, our tongues wrestling for dominance. He suddenly was straddling me, his hands trapping me from any movement. He looked at me intensely, I felt as if my heart was going to explode. We both were out of breath; the only sound that could be heard was us regaining our breath.

 

“I forgive you Jimin.”

 

And he kissed me again, slowly moving to my jaw making me gasp. Since when has Jungkook become a man? I moaned in pleasure as he kissed me on my most sensitive spot on my neck, making him grunt as I moaned. I wrapped my legs around him, my hands on to his soft hair. I felt him grind onto me leaving me breathless. I felt hot. We have never been so intimate. Suddenly there were cold large hands touching my chest to my stomach, making me shiver. I felt the hands stop at my waistband where my breath hitched.

 

“Jungkook.” I croaked.

 

“I understand.” He smiled at me sweetly, making me feel slightly guilty.

 

I stared at him with half-lidded eyes, scanning his facial features as he stared back at me. I softly smiled at him.

 

“Do you love me?” I whispered. He smiled and connected his lips to mine.

 

“Does that answer your question?” I grinned.

 

“I didn’t quite get that, I think you need to do it again.” I smiled playfully, amusing him. And so Jungkook kissed me a lot than ‘one more time’ making me giggle.

 

---

 

After our little bonding session, Jungkook decided it was a good idea that I faced the members, as they were still worried sick. When I found Jungkook sleeping beside me they had left by then. I felt nervous as I was ashamed with my actions, and I was too embarrassed to see their faces but he left me no choice. I felt his hands gripping on to mine, squeezing them softly reassuring me that everything will be okay. I trusted him and smiled. Once we reached the living room where they all where, I became nervous again and tried breathing in deeply to calm myself down.

 

“Hyungs.” Jungkook spoke. All of their attentions were instantly on him until they noticed me standing behind him.

 

“JIMIN!” I heard them call for me, reaching their arms out. I was taken aback as I thought they would hate me. I realized that Suga, Rapmon and Jhope were not hugging me, instead giving me a disappointed look, which made me look down in shame.

 

“Jimin.” Rapmon called me, staring me down while crossing his arms.

 

“We need to talk.” And he left like that expecting me to be following him. I looked at Jungkook with a worried expression and he nodded reminding me that everything is going to be okay.

 

I gulped and went after him. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous because I am. Everyone knows Rapmon can be intimidating, scary when he is angry; even scarier than Suga. He led me to his bedroom and stood there waiting for me to arrive.

 

“Sit.” He ordered calmly. I nervously sat down on his bed, with him standing opposite me. Right now I felt like , ashamed of what I did. I looked down at the floor cursing myself.

 

“Look at me, Jimin.” His voice was calm, too calm that it sent a shiver down my spine. I slowly looked up at him before looking down in fright, afraid that he will snap any second. I heard him sigh before kneeling down in front of me.

 

“I’m not going to shout at you Jimin so please look at me.” He spoke sweetly as I obeyed.  He sat beside me on the bed, staring ahead.

 

“Why did you do it Jimin? Do you know how scared we were?” He said with so much sadness. I looked at him to see a pained and concerned expression written on his face.

 

“I… I became weak.” I whispered. I didn’t want to say it out loud. I didn’t want to accept the fact. He rubbed my back encouraging me to carry on.

 

“I always had depressing thoughts ever since I first got my tumour, but after months of my mind tormenting me I gave in. I heard voices hyung, they told me I deserved this. They told me in order to no longer be selfish I should…k-kill myself for causing you guys and Jungkook pain. I felt worthless, disgusted with myself. I hated myself.” My body was shaking, it hurt letting it out. Rapmon put his arm around me trying to calm me down.

 

“I remember looking in the mirror with so much hate, the same way Jungkook looked at me. I saw the same hatred in my eyes. I hated myself that I couldn’t bear to look at myself anymore. I felt anger rise in me for being a pathetic that I punched the mirror with strength. I didn’t feel satisfied. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.” I looked at Rapmon who listened to every word I said, his eyes glossing with unshed tears. I looked at him in defeat.

 

“I just wanted to be happy, permanently.”

 

I stared ahead at the wall.

 

“I regret what I did, I really do. My heart hurts just thinking what if I actually succeeded and left, I don’t want to leave you guys. I received so much love here. But that doesn’t stop the fact that I still hate myself.”

 

“WHY WOULD YOU?!” A voice boomed. Jungkook was standing at the now opened door, his body shaking in anger. I saw him his hands. The other members behind him.

 

“Why would you hate yourself?” His voice was low, breathing heavily.

 

“Why don’t you see what I see Jimin?” His voice cracked. He looked at me with so much sadness.

 

“Why can’t you see the beautiful angel I see? You’re beyond beautiful Jimin, that it makes me breathless just looking at you. When I see you smile, the whole area around you looks a lot brighter.”

 

“Jungkook.”

 

“Whenever I looked at you I always thought ‘wow I’m honestly so grateful to have him’. I considered myself lucky to be able to love you. Whenever we practiced our dance routines for upcoming shows I couldn’t help myself but stare at you. I could feel your eyes on me, and when you did look at me I quickly looked away not wanting to be caught. That was stupid of me because why should I hide the admiration I have for you?”

My heart and mind felt warm hearing his words.

 

“I always looked up to you.” Jhope’s voice came in. He was smiling sadly, his face wet with tears.

 

“Back when you used to deal with your tumour alone I was unaware. I knew you was dealing with something, all on your own and that made me look up to you. You’re unbelievably strong that I felt proud myself whenever I saw you. Even when you were sad you still smiled, that takes a lot of strength. I always wished to be like you, strong.” He said standing beside Jungkook.

 

“So why would you say that? You make the mood lighter whenever you’re around. You’re beyond cute that I can’t help myself pinch your cheeks sometimes.” He chuckled making me smile. V stood next to him.

 

“My best friend. Back when I used to treat you horribly I used to feel numb. I would never forgive myself for treating you that way, especially with you being my best friend. But you forgave me and I always wondered why. You have such a big heart full of love Jiminnie that I envy you. You’re always full of love as if it will never run out. Do you remember how we became best friends? We auditioned on the same day, and I remember when you went to audition I was left in awe by your talent. The way you danced was flawless, and your voice sounded like an angel. Delicate and sweet.” He grinned softly.

 

“I thought wow this guy is literally is the whole package. You were like a little flower. But then when we prepared for our debut you showed a strong, bad boy type that I had to keep asking myself is he the same person? You honestly are so talented Jimin. I will never forget the time you were there for me, when things got tough with our debut. You would sit there silently and listen to every word I said, it helped me get through it. You’re so kind to everyone and never said anything about my weirdness, instead you joined me. The 95 liners who are really 5 year olds.” I laughed, tears falling uncontrollably.

 

“Park Jimin. The first time I saw you I would have never thought that we would be in the same group living our dream, yet here we are.” Suga grinned.

 

“Countless time I used to see you staying after our practice was over to work even harder. You’re seriously a hard worker and I always used to think ‘where does this kid get all this energy from?’ but then I realized. This is your dream so of course you would work hard I mean we all do. But there’s that something else, the work you put in is from an emotional pain; that I can recognize. I may not know what exactly it is but what I do know is that you never gave up. Even when you tried to…” He shrugged not wanted to say it out loud.

 

“You still never gave up. At the end you pulled through. You could have ended it all there… but you didn’t. Because if there’s one thing I know it’s that Park Jimin never gives up and you proved that many times. I’m gonna be honest I was disappointed and upset that you chose to do that, when I saw you laying on the bathroom floor I kept thinking what if he actually did give up? I should have spoke to you, and help you through this tough time. We all thought you went just like that" He clicked his fingers.

 

"But then we saw the small movement of your chest and you don’t know how relieved I was. I felt as if I was given another chance to fix this.”

 

I didn’t know what to say, I never knew they felt this way and here I assumed they would hate me when they always loved me. They always had their love for me.

 

“Carrying on from what Suga said, I believe this chance was given because such an amazing, beautiful person should not be able to leave this world so easily.”

 

Jin sat down in front of me, crossing his legs and looked at me with so much love. The same type of love how a mother would look at their child.

 

“So when I heard that person hated themselves I simply thought ‘why?’ I will never understand why you thought about yourself in such as negative way. How can you hate yourself? There are so many gems within you Jimin, precious gems that are unique that can’t be found anywhere else. So please never think like that. You’re our precious gem, and we wouldn’t be the same without you."

 

“Bangtan really wouldn’t be the same without you. We wouldn’t have won our awards without you Jimin, you complete us.” Rapmon spoke.

 

“As the leader of the group I always keep a close eye on the members and so many times I thought we all wouldn’t be complete without each other, without you. Each member has such an important role in this group because we’re not just a ‘boy band’ we are much more than that. We’re family. The love I have for you is really even a shocker for me since I was never the type to hold a lot of affection for someone. But with you I know I would never hesitate to do anything for you, even if there was a bullet coming your way I would put my life on the line just to make sure that you’re here with us, alive and well.” He ruffled my hair.

 

“So next time just try saying you hate yourself, I won’t let you off easy kiddo.” He smirked.

 

“Do you guys know that I love you?” I spoke, looking at them all one by one.

 

“Because I do, so much. After so long I felt as if I belonged here. I felt loved; that my existence finally mattered to someone and you don’t know how important that is to me. So thank you, for always being there for me.” I sniffed, wiping my tears. They smiled at me, noses red, eyes fresh with tears.

 

“Boy, why do you guys always make me cry?” I chuckled.

 

“Group hug!” V yelled, while rubbing his eyes.

 

And instantly I felt many arms around me, squeezing the day lights out of me. This was one of the feelings I never want to forget. The feeling of love all around, the special bond between us. I felt V circle his arms around me and lifted me off my feet. I was scared he would drop me so I clung on to him.

 

“Ya, you’re gonna hurt him!” Jin yelled annoyed. V giggled and let me down. I playfully punched his stomach giggling with him.

 

I felt another pair of arms circle around my waist, making my heart beat a little faster. He turned me towards him and caressed my cheek.

 

“Life is a beauty, and we all have this one chance to live our lives. To live our life to the fullest and the only regrets we should ever have is the chances we didn’t take. So let us not be the ones to regret, instead live enough that we're satisfied.” Jungkook said.

 

“Since when did you get so deep?” I chucked.

 

“Since I met you, baby.” He said nuzzling his nose. His nickname for me made me blush, my heart was beating at a fast pace. I kissed him on the nose.

 

“Baby, I like the sound of that.” He grinned and connected our lips.

 

My life really is a beauty.

 

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Wow, I'm not gonna lie I did get slightly emotional from typing this. First of all can I just say

BTS COMEBACK HOLY ! I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT ALL! OMG LIKE DID YOU SEE THEM?! LIKE JIMIN THO! I lost count on how many times I watched it, like seriously it made me cry. JinT_T And did you see our boys in MAMA 2015? Ugh, they looked so good. 

I recently stared watching this new drama called "Remember" after my friend literally begged me to lol, and can I just say I already love it. 2 minutes into the drama I was a crying mess. So I recommend you guys watch it too so we can cry together haha. 

Anyways, really sorry for the delay. I just finished my exams and good luck to those who are still doing theirs<3

Saranghae~