Chapter 8

 

 

{Listen to Tori Kelly - Hollow}

 

Jimin's POV

 

“It was nice while it lasted. Ah, Jimin-ah you’ve come so far. I’m proud of you for holding on all this time.” I said to myself. I felt happy right now but still sad. That it will all be coming to an end. The day Park Jimin will only remain as a memory.

 

I leaned down on the bathtub and slowly slid down. My neck was now covered, then my chin, my lips and now my nose. I looked at the world around me for the last time and smiled, letting a few tears loose. I slid down until my whole head was inside the water. The world was silent, so peaceful. I closed my eyes. The time is ticking, I can feel the oxygen slowly leaving my body. I did not resist.

 

“-MIN! JIMIN!” I heard the voice sounding louder and louder. I heard low thumps, several footsteps.

 

“Oh my gosh. GUYS HE’S IN HERE! OH MY GOSH JIMIN!”

 

I felt rough hands pulling me up. I immediately gasped for air coughing out the water from my throat. With a blurry sight I looked at whoever got me out. Suga was breathing heavily still holding onto my shoulders. He looked at me with so much fear, sadness and disappointment. I couldn’t help but cry. My body was shivering; I covered my eyes and let the tears fall.

 

“Jimin, why?” I heard a voice ask softly.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I repeated.

 

I felt someone place a warm fluffy towel on my shivering body and another to dry my hair.

 

“Shh, don’t cry. You’re okay now.” I felt someone rubbing my back trying to calm me. I felt a stronger pair of arms wrapping around my waist, picking me up bridal style. I cuddled into their neck still shivering, feeling myself being carried into another room. Their touch, warmth felt too familiar.

 

The same pair of arms slowly placed me on the sofa in the living room and bent down in front of me. I looked up at the person and it was Jungkook, the Jeon Jungkook that I hurt. After everything I’ve done, the suffering I caused him he still cared. I looked at him and cried, why did he still care about me? I thought he hated me.

 

The way he was looking at me was different, not like before. I no longer saw the disgust or hate. Instead I saw concern, sadness and… love. Immediately, I raised my hands and hugged him so tight as if he would leave me. I rested my face on his neck, letting the tears fall even more wetting his shirt.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Jungkook. I’m sorry.” I cried.

 

“Shh, don’t cry hyung.” He whispered softly.

 

“I love you, I never stopped loving you. I lied.”

 

I felt something wet on my shoulder and realized Jungkook’s body was shaking. He was crying too. I let go of him and held his face in my hands. He looked so sad. I quickly wiped away his tears with my thumb and slowly leaned in capturing his sweet lips. I missed him. He instantly kissed back, tears still strolling down his face. He held onto my face and deepened the kiss. Once we were out of breath we pulled away and stared at each other’s face, updating on what we missed.

 

I felt his eyes scanning every inch of my face while I did the same. His cheekbones have become sharper, same with his jawline. His eyes regained back it’s sparkle a little. His lips still looked as kissable as always. His face matured slightly but he looked so distressed.

 

“I could have lost you today.” I immediately looked down in guilt and shame.

 

“I could have lost the only person I ever loved today.” I couldn’t look at him in the eyes. I felt him place two slim fingers under my chin lifting my face up to meet his.

 

“Please, never do that again. I can’t deal with losing you.” I darkly chuckled. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t die today because I will soon.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing.” I hugged him once again resting my cheek on his shoulder.

 

“I’m sleepy Jungkook. Take me to bed.” And just like that he immediately lifted me into his arms and took me to his room where he placed me on his warm bed.

 

“Sleep with me.” I begged, voice quiet from sleepiness.

 

Jungkook took off his t-shirt and jeans and went into bed, wrapping his arms around my waist. Ah, this is the feeling. Feeling secure and protected. I inhaled in his addicting scent and let it surround me. I snuggled into his chest and murmured a soft “goodnight” to which Jungkook returned with a kiss on my forehead. 

 

“I love you.” He whispered, and my world turned pitch black.

 

However, not everything can be like the movies. There isn’t always a happy ending. That’s the harsh reality, not everything is at it seems.

 

---

{Listen to Jessie J - Who You Are}

 

This is what really happened.

 

As I felt the oxygen slowly leaving my body, I thought about everything I’ve learnt. I remembered a song I used to listen to.

 

It’s okay not to be okay

 

Is it really okay?

 

Don’t lose who you are

 

But I’ve already lost myself.

 

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

 

I don’t know if I can believe that anymore.

 

Sometimes its hard, to follow your heart

 

It really is. I followed my heart into breaking up with Jungkook and it has been so hard ever since.

 

Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising

 

There’s nothing wrong with who you are

 

There’s nothing wrong with who I am. There’s nothing wrong with who I am. Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I need to get out quick. I can’t end like this. I can’t end it all here. I need to live. I must live. I brought my head out of the water gasping harshly for air, for the oxygen to enter my system again. I got out of the tub coughing, the water coming out.

 

Once all the water was expelled, I laid there on the bathroom floor shivering. My clothes clung to my body. My throat was burning, I couldn’t speak. I needed to call for help. My phone was far away, my body felt weak.

 

“H-h-elp” I whispered. My voice did not sound like me at all.

 

I could hear V calling my name from the other side of my bedroom door. I tried calling out for him but I couldn’t. I reached my arm in the direction of the door, it looked so far away. I could barely move my body. Trying one more time I brought all my energy to cry for help.

 

“H-HELP!” I yelled, it still sounded a little quiet but V heard me.

 

“JIMIN?!”

 

“Help V. I need… help.” I felt all my energy being drained. I laid on my back, no longer being able to move at all. I looked up at the ceiling; my eyes were forcefully closing shut. I tried to keep them open but I couldn’t, I let my eyes close. Breathing in deeply, I let myself be taken out of this reality for a while. Taken out of this misery.

 

“-min.”

 

---

 

Jungkook’s POV

 

When Jimin sat down at the table I felt anger rising inside of me. How dare he? How dare he use me like I was nothing? How did he ing dare. I felt angry at myself too, because even though I hate him so much… I still love him. Right now, he still looks as beautiful like an angel. And I’m so angry that I can’t get rid of these feelings for him. you Park Jimin.

 

I analyzed him, watching his every movement. He didn’t look… okay. He looked a lot more fragile, exhausted, not himself. I watched him stare at the food in front of him; I watched how he picked the food up and slowly ate it. However, he looked like he didn’t enjoy it. Usually after the first bite, he would smile and compliment Jin on his cooking but he didn’t. He would sometimes feed me too but today he’s not sitting beside me.

 

No Jungkook, you shouldn’t feel like this. This man, this person broke your heart. He never loved you. Don’t have any feelings for him, he doesn’t deserve it. I glared at him hard. That’s right, I will stop loving him too. He doesn’t deserve my love. I hate him. As if he could hear my thoughts he finally looked at me directly. I saw his face, he looked so… sad. So broken. I just wanted to hug him. I was interrupted from my thoughts by Jimin who quickly ran towards his bedroom.

 

“Jimin. Yah Jimin!” Jin yelled. We heard him lock his bedroom door, okay something was diffidently wrong. The guys immediately ran towards his room, banging on the door calling his name. I went after them. I’m not gonna lie, I am worried. He wasn’t even responding. Jeon Jungkook, stop being worried. Remember he never cared about you so why should you? Annoyed with all of this, I put on my hoodie and left the house. I needed air.

 

---

 

I’ve been walking around the city all day, it was now the evening. I was having mixed emotions on Jimin. I hate him but I also love him so much. So much that it hurts me and I don’t know what to do. But why should I love him when he clearly said he never loved me? I was deep in thought that I didn’t realize the two men walking towards me until they crashed into my shoulder. I didn’t even bother apologizing.

 

“Yah, you have some nerve punk.” One of the men growled. I just stared in return, mouth shut.

 

“Are you mute? Don’t you know you’re supposed to apologize to your elders when you’re in the wrong?” I looked down at the floor, clearly not bothered to do pretty much anything. I felt rough hands pin me to the wall, striking pain down my spine.

 

“And now you don’t listen when your elders are talking? Didn’t you parents teach you any basic manners?” The man sneered. Not wanting to start a fight I looked at the man and apologized.

 

“I’m sorry.” The man was about to say something before the other man beside him told him to stop. He let go of me and left while muttering some curse words.

 

I decided I stayed out late enough so I returned home.

 

---

{Listen to Xi Lu Han - Medals}

 

When I opened the front door, the house was eerily quiet. The silence was deafening. Confused on where the others may be I searched every room.

 

I checked everywhere, but I couldn’t find any of them. The last room was Jimin’s room. I breathed in deeply and slowly opened the bedroom door. The door actually opened, meaning it was no longer locked.

 

What I saw increased my confusion. I found the guys, all of them around a mobile phone crying their eyes out. I turned my visions towards the bed where I saw Jimin sleeping peacefully, his hair was damp. Did he have a shower? Slowly, I entered the room; the guys didn’t even notice as they were too focused on the phone.

 

“Guys?” I spoke hesitantly. Immediately all of their attention was on me.

 

“Jungkook! Come here quick and watch this.”

 

“Why? What’s wrong?” I questioned. Jhope looked at me with so much sadness.

 

“Jimin, h-he tried to commit suicide.” Hearing those words leave his mouth, I felt as if my world was on pause. Same with my heart. I felt numb. Jimin… tried to commit suicide? But why?

 

“Yo- tha- w-wha- why?” I was at a loss of words. Jhope slowly handed me the mobile phone, which I identified belongs to Jimin.

 

“Don’t hate him anymore.” I was confused with what he said.

 

I pressed play and waited for the video to start. I saw Jimin’s face really close to the camera as he was balancing his phone somewhere. Once he stepped back I recognized that he was in his bathroom. I saw how his delicate pale legs entered the bathtub full of water and he sat down looking directly at the camera. He looked so broken, hopeless, as if he lost his light.

 

“Hello, it is I Park Jimin. I’m sorry it had to come to this stage.”

 

Why? What is going to happen? Was this his suicide note? I felt my eyes welling up. Did he record this for us to watch after he committed suicide?  I felt my fragile heart breaking. He looked so small, as he played with his fingers obviously nervous.

 

“Recently, as you may know I had been diagnosed with brain tumour. I had surgery and quickly recovered but what you guys don’t know is… it returned. It is merciless this time too. I… er chose to not get treated for this and to allow my life to continue on normally. I’m sorry I was planning to keep this a secret until the day I… erm die.” He fake laughed.

 

We were aware it returned but he hid the fact that he chose to not get treated? He was willing to die. My body felt numb. I looked at his sleeping figure on the bed and let my tears loose. Jimin was planning on leaving us, leaving me. I wanted to scream.

 

“You’re probably annoyed with me right now, right? Hahaha I’m sorry~ Please forgive Chimchim here.” He said cutely.

 

My body was trembling from crying. I can’t imagine Jimin not being here. What if he actually succeeded and just left us like that? Left us so confused, heart broken, lost. Jimin spoke about all the others, giving them a message which made the boys around me cry harder. Jimin looked at the camera again, looking so lifeless.

 

“And… Jungkookie.” He smiled sadly. “Oppa will miss you.” He attempted to joke but that only caused his tears to fall.

 

“I’m sorry Jungkook, I really am. I actually did not want to break up with you and all that I said to you that night were not the truth. I did not mean them at all. I wanted you to hate me so much that you wouldn’t be as hurt when I die. But in the end after I received what I planned, I was not strong enough to continue. Seeing you look at me with so much rage and hatred hurt me, but I deserved it. I hope you will be able to forgive me one day. Just know that I have always loved you, since the day I set my eyes on you and I will love you forever.”

 

I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I cried out loud. He loved me all this time. He did this so I wouldn’t be hurt. And what did I do? I hated him, I hurt him. I crouched down next to Jimin’s sleeping figure and held onto his hand kissing it.

“Why do you always care about others before yourself? Why do you always make sure everyone else is happy while you’re in pain?” I cried.

 

“It’s sad that we won’t be able to announce our relationship to A.R.M.Y and to our families. I would have showed you off so proudly. I miss sleeping in your arms, they comforted me every night. Just being beside you made me feel happy. I hope your future lover treats you well and do visit me from time to time but don’t bring flowers, just sing to me instead. Live happily Jungkook-ah, okay?”

 

“No you can’t leave me like this Jimin. Not this way. You have to live. Please, don’t leave me.” I whimpered. I carried on watching his video while holding on tightly to his hand afraid he would leave me.

 

"Mum, since I cannot introduce him to you face to face I will do it here.”

 

“Jeon Jungkook, you know he is one of the members of BTS, the youngest member actually. You have met him a few times but that’s not all. Jungkook is also the love of my life, my boyfriend and I’m sorry we won’t have the chance to meet as a couple with you face to face.”

 

He called me the love of his life. His boyfriend. Despite what happened between us he still loved me and still called me his boyfriend. I watched him sigh deeply.

 

“Boy, it was nice being able to live my dream.” He spoke to himself softly.

 

“I loved our dance practices, creating music, performing on stage especially to our fans. I’m saddened to disappoint them like this. Bangtan, keep them happy for me! Fighting! I love you all, goodbye! And… please don’t forget me.” He whispered and smiled, I haven’t seen him smile genuinely in so long.

 

We all hugged each other and cried together. Today we almost lost our family, our brother, my love. I can’t imagine a world without him. I can’t imagine no longer seeing Jimin smile, laugh. Jin was the first to speak.

 

“Guys, in times like this we need to be strong for Jimin. We don’t know how long he exactly has left in this world but we need to make each day count. I will call the hospital and try to get them to treat Jimin. Let’s be strong, okay?” He put his hand in the centre. We all slowly mimicked him, muttering a small “fighting”; still emotional from what we found out.

 

Yes, we need to be strong. I need to be strong for Jimin.

 

“He’s always been so strong for us, looked out and cared for us even if it would cause him pain, so now it’s our turn to do the same.” I said.

 

The boys nodded and looked at Jimin, who looked so beautiful sleeping peacefully.

 

I’m sorry Jimin for hurting you so much. I don't hate you.

 

I love you.

---

HOLY THEY FINALLY KNOW! THEY KNOW THE ACTUAL TRUTH, ABOUT TIME AM I RIGHT?!

For anyone of you confused. Here's the explanation for this chapter. The first part is somewhat something Jimin dreamed of, to get Jungkook back. I was originally planning to end the story here where Jimin commits suicide but from reading your comments I decided not to. Can I just say Luhan's song 'Medal' and his other songs such as 'Adventure Time' and 'That Good Good' are slaying! I'm honestly so proud of him. Also, this week the two dramas 'Sassy Go Go' and 'She Was Pretty' has come to an end:( now I have nothing to look forward to. Anyways, please listen to Luhan's songs I have provided below.

Saranghae~