Chapter Six

                                                                                                                          

 

A month has gone by since the day Jungkook sang to me, winning my heart entirely. During this month I have had the best time of my life. Not just with Jungkook but with the other guys as well. I was on ‘rest’ since I came out of the hospital.

 

The company BigHit is unaware that I am not being treated for my tumour, the same with the guys. Everyone thinks I’m on the road to recovery, that everything will be okay soon. But I feel it, the sudden pain in my head. It feels like I’m being electrocuted as if someone is trying to destroy my brain slowly by slowly.

 

It started a week after that day. I was cuddled beside Jungkook as always, it was around 2am. Jungkook’s body was warm and I felt true happiness. Everyone knows we can’t have all good without any bad.

 

I couldn’t sleep that night but I didn’t tell Jungkook because he looked exhausted. It started off with a dull ache but then it increased until I heard the familiar ringing. Not wanting to wake anyone up I kept it to myself trying to stay as silent as I possibly can. That night I clung to Jungkook, softly whimpering letting a few tears loose from the pain.

 

Even though I was in great pain due to having Jungkook beside me it didn’t feel as bad. When I’m around him, everything is a little brighter, better.

 

---

 

“JIMIN! WAKE UUUUUUP!” Hoseok’s voice screeched annoyingly.

 

“Ugh, shut up I’m trying to sleep.” I groaned.

 

“Today is an important day! Wake up! Wake up! Wake uuuuup!”

 

“What sin did I commit to deserve this?” I asked myself aloud.

 

“Yah! Gosh so rude, this is benefitting you. So inconsiderate.” He muttered while frowning.

 

“Aigoo is our JHorse upset?” I questioned playfully bringing him down into a hug.

 

“Idiot.” He muttered.

 

“Anyway why is today an important day?”

 

“Because we have our showcase in a few days time and you’re finally able to join practice with us again!”

 

How long has it exactly been since I last practiced? Since I last danced, sang or even heard our songs? I am grateful that I will have the opportunity to be able to perform again before the end, before everything related to Park Jimin is over. Before I no longer exist, just a memory.

 

“Let’s go then!” I got out of bed and jumped on Jhope’s back.

 

“Yah! I could have dropped you idiot!” I only laughed in response.

 

Hoseok carried me out of my room with myself giggling because it really was a fun experience being carried by your hyung. Hoseok was laughing with me as we came to the living room. All the guys were already sat in the dining area with food in front of them.
 

“About time, we are starving over here waiting for a specific chimchim.” Yoongi said in annoyance but his eyes sparkled in amusement.

 

“Haha sorry hyung.” I grinned. I saw there were two empty seats, one beside Taehyung and the other beside Jungkook. I sat down beside Jungkook who immediately kissed me on the cheek and gave me a heart-warming smile. I hugged him on the side and began eating.

 

---

 

When I stepped inside the practice room I felt nostalgic. I truly missed being here. Funny how the last time I was here was the day my tumour returned permanently. I tried not to think negatively so I greeted our choreographer.

 

“Hyung!”

 

“Jimin-ah! You’re finally back! I missed you a lot.” He chuckled bringing me into a friendly embrace.

 

“I missed you too hyung.”

 

“Never make us worried like that again stupid.” He said pinching my cheeks making me laugh.

 

“Ha ha, I can’t make any promises.” Because you will be worried again, this time for a lot longer.

 

“Okay! We will start with ‘DOPE’, Jimin if you have any difficulties remembering some moves ask me.”

 

We all answered together and went to our places. Before the music Jungkook faced me and winked cheekily before facing the mirror. Throughout the dance we made funny faces at each other making each other smile. Boy, I’m so lucky to have him.

 

---

 

After practicing for a couple of hours, Namjoon announced we go out for lunch. I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to fix my messy and sweaty hair. The last time I was here I remember how they all rejected me, making me smile sadly. Even though I forgave them it still does hurt thinking about it because I never will be able to forget how isolated I felt where really, I could only rely on myself. How I had to cope with everything by myself.

 

I felt something warm touch both sides of my cheeks, interrupting me from my thoughts. I looked at the mirror and saw Jungkook standing beside me, holding my cheeks in his palms. He slowly circled his arms around my neck loosely and rested his chin on my head holding eye contact.

“Why do you look so sad hyung?”

 

Did I really look that obvious? I leaned back and sighed.

 

“Just thinking about things.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“How handsome my boyfriend is.” I laughed turning around and tickling him on the sides.

 

Jungkook jumped back in surprise and immediately caught my hands stopping me.

 

“Hyung you know I’m not ticklish.” He said slightly smirking. I pouted because it was so hard to make Jungkook feel weak and not in control of himself. So I quickly reached his cheeks (I had to tip toe) and pinched his cheeks so hard.

 

“Ouch! Hyung stop!” He begged. Still pinching his cheeks I smiled evilly.

 

“Aigoo is our poor Jungkook in pain? You’re not as strong as I thought you were. Aigoo Jungkookie.” That stirred something inside of him, as the next thing I see is the floor from a high distance.

 

“Yah! Put me down!” Jungkook however ignored what I said and started running around the practice room with me on his shoulder.

 

“Jungkook! Stop!” I screamed.

 

“I’m going to drop you hyung so you better hold on tight.”

 

“WHAT?! NO STOP PLEASE!” I begged. He threw me of his shoulders where I landed safely on his strong arms, I was being carried bridal style now.

 

“I can show you the world~” He sang before laughing making me laugh too.

 

“Aigoo, was our Jimin scared? You’re not as brave as I thought you were hyung.” He said mimicking me.

 

“I’m older than you, respect me.” I said, having no comebacks. He threw a raspberry in return. Staring in to his eyes I smiled.

 

“Thank you.” I said.

 

“For what?” He chuckled confused. Thank you for cheering me up without even knowing my problem. Thank you for always knowing what to say or do without me having to explain. Thank you for being there for me. I slowly brought my lips to his and kissed him.

 

“Just.” He laughed again in return and carried me out of the practice room with the guys behind us.

 

I really do love you. I’m sorry that I’ll cause you pain Jungkook. You’re the last person I want to see in pain.

 

---

{Listen to Ross Copperman - Holding On And Letting Go}

 

I did feel better after that but unfortunately not for that long. There I found myself lying in bed with tears slowly streaming down my face. I held on to my clothes near my chest, where my heart was aching. I don’t want to hurt Jungkook anymore. What I decided would be the best for us.

 

How selfish was I? To be happy with him during my final weeks and then when I’m gone I’ll only be giving him more pain. I can’t allow that. What I am about to do will hurt me deeply. I know it will be incredibly painful. But this is for Jungkook.

 

I went to the bathroom and washed my face, getting rid of any evidence that I have been crying for the past hour. Drying my face, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and smiled. What I saw in return was a broken boy who is not only going to break his boyfriend’s heart but himself too.

 

“This is for Jungkook.” I whispered and went towards his room.

 

I stood outside his room aimlessly staring at his wooden bedroom door. I didn’t have the confidence to do it. My hands were shaking. I really didn’t want to do this. But I have to.

 

Slowly lifting my hand up, I knocked softly on the door. I heard a small “come in”. Breathing in deeply I slowly entered the room.

 

Jungkook was sat on his bed playing a game. He looked so young and innocent. How could I hurt him like this? He has so much to live for.

 

“Hyung, what’s up?” He said eyebrow slightly raised.

 

“Jungkook.” I spoke expressionless. Swallowing down the urge to cry I spoke again.

 

“Let’s break up.” My voice sounded so lifeless, monotone.

 

“W-what?”  He eyes showed shock, confusion… pain.

 

“Let’s break up.” I repeated.

 

“Jimin, is this some sort of joke?” He sounded so hurt.

 

“No.” My voice was shaking, hands trembling behind my back.

 

“Why? What did I do wrong?” He got up and held on to my shoulders shaking me.

 

“I never loved you Jungkook. This was all for fun.” I felt my heart breaking with every word I spoke. I did not mean it. He looked at me with so much pain, sadness and disappointment.

 

“You really mean that?” He chuckled darkly.

 

No. “Yes I do.” I fisted my hands, stopping myself from hugging him.

 

“I never liked you to be honest. I always thought you were annoying.” Yes, keep saying more. He’ll hate you, and then he won’t be in pain when you die.

 

“I felt pity whenever I looked at you. You looked so innocent so I thought it would be fun to “go out” with you. You’re really stupid for believing my act.”

 

“Get out.” He said in a low voice. He didn’t sound like himself. I stood there so close to allowing the tears fall.

 

“I hate you. I hate you so much. I loved you.” My already broken heart broke even more from hearing that.

 

“GET OUT! I HATE YOU!” His voice cracked. He looked so broken. I had to remind myself that this was all for him, accepting the pain.

 

---

{Listen to Mad Soul Child - Dear}

 

I went to bed crying, hugging myself. My body was shaking from crying.

 

“I’m sorry Jungkook.” I whispered, whimpering to keep my cries silent.

 

All I could hear were things being smashed, destroyed from Jungkook’s room. I could hear the guys banging on his door to open up. I locked my door too; tonight I just wanted to be by myself. 

 

Not wanting to hear him cry anymore I got my phone out of my pocket and the headphones and listened to some songs. They could only help heal my heart right now. I brought out my diary from under my bed and wrote down the date.

 

Sat 7th August 20XX

You probably hate me a lot right now Jungkook.

Hyung is sorry for breaking your heart like that.

I didn't mean any words I said to you.

I did this for you even though it hurt me a lot.

When I die I do not want you to be in a lot of pain.

That's why I decided to end our relationship today.

So you won't be hurt as much as you orginally would have been.

You were my first love and will be my last.

I love you Jeon Jungkook.  

 

Jimin.

 

Looking out the window the day was coming to an end. It was only 7 in the afternoon and the sun has set not so long ago. The sky looked as depressed as I was right now. My once happy self was being outaken by the sadness that hid deep inside of me. The sky was of a pale white/blue mixed in with a pale yellow. Dark grey clouds littering the sky, they were the darkness seeping in. 

 

"I hope you will forgive me one day." 

 

---

Holy guys I'm so sorry for the very late update! Writing this chapter really did make me sad:(

Okay, I got questions for you guys!

Do any of you guys watch any KDramas? 

I do, the ones I am currently watching are 'She Was Pretty', this drama is seriously the best.

So far it has made me laugh and cry, I don't want this drama to end. The lead girl is beyond hilarious!

And the second drama I am watching is "Sassy Go Go" starring APink's Eunji! She's so funny hahah.

I recommend you guys to watch them:)

Saranghae~