CHAPTER 6

Kai, 2015

SM Entreatment/ Studio D

I paced for I don’t know how long in the studio, just looking at my phone and trying to find something important to say to Taemin. In two day is the big event, and I’ve been saying that I’m just nervous about it, but the true was that I’m anxious to know about Taemin. He’s in my mind all the time, I can’t concentrate. I even made a mess to the choreography, changing something every time, making the trainees insecure about performing on stage.

Yesterday, someone from my class was showing a video on his phone to the others, when I walk in to the studio, Hani said.

-Teach, have you seen Taemin sunbae’s new performance from last night? It’s the hottest thing ever- She hand me her phone where I could see Taemin on stage. I press play and the screaming of the audience fill out my ears, There he was with a black outfit and mic on his hand. he began to perform, singing a very strange song. It sounded more like heavy metal than pop. Taemin was singing, I was expecting for him to begin to dance, but he was just performing the song. Suddenly behind him Jonghyun appear wearing nothing but white tight jeans, showing his perfect bear chest. I know that guys likes to work out. However, I didn’t find anything unusual about this performance, Taemin singing one side of the stage, and Jonghyun the other. 

-Wait for it…- Hani say like she could see my bore reaction. But she on the other hand was with very exited eyes and even bitting her nails. There was something devilish about it.  

I kept looking at the video, I saw both members walking to each other while the music still playing, suddenly I saw Jonghyun walking to Taemin so close and then pulling his hair in provocative, lusty kind of way. Something in me explode, I felt the blood running to my face, I think I even stop breathing for a second. Hani was so lost in the performance, almost like a curious boy watching for the first time, she didn’t notice my reaction. But it went from Jonghyung pulling Taemin’s hair and singing almost into his mouth, to Taemin singing to him while caressing Jonghyung’s chest. I know it was just a performance, it’s not like there is something between them, but it make me feel uncomfortable to watch them. Well, more like jealous.

That was the moment I finally admit to my self that I felt attracted to Taemin, that I have feelings for him. And after that moment I felt a huge relief, like a big weight was taking out of my shoulders. I begin to feel better with my self. But now, what to do with this feelings? No because we kiss, what it feels like ages ago, doesn’t mean he has feelings for me, too. I didn’t know what to do, it’s not like I can go and tell him that I might like him. I don’t even know what to do with a guy. Am I suppose to opened doors for him, pay for dinner in our date, hold his hand, offer my jacket if he gets cold? It took me three years to finally say something to Haru before we stared dating… Wait, What am I saying? Am I actually thinking about dating a guy? No way! I’m here with a purpose, and I completely forgot about it. I’ve been here in 2015 almost for two months, and I even forgot about Haru. I should be looking for her, finding information about her. But instead I’m here looking for an excuse to text Taemin, any excuse, it doesn’t matter what.

With the phone in my hand, I kept staring at it, thinking something to say. I search for his contact and press the text button. But something happen. Then I realize it wasn’t text button I press, it was the call button. I immediately tried to kill the call, but Taemin voice answering on the other end of the line  got me paralyze. 

-Hello- The deep soft voice of Taemin sound from the speaker. I froze, I couldn’t hang up, but I couldn’t speak either. -Hello?- he speak again.

-Su.. Sunbae- I finally was able to get the words out of my mouth.

-Yes, Kai. What is it? it’s everything alright?- He sounded a little surprise, maybe. I probably worr