CHAPTER 5

Kai. 2015

Jongin (Suho’s son) room.

    I barely made it back to the house. Luckily Suho and Yuna were already sleeping. I got to keep Suho’s son room. Once I made it to the bedroom I lay on the bed still shaking. I tried no to think to much into it, I wanted to ignore it, but my body seem to still lingers to that moment. I put my pajama and wash my teeth like if nothing happen, but without been able to avoided, my brain punish me with flashes of memories of that moment, suddenly I felt that hole in my stomach when I remember his soft lips. Immediately I shook my head ignoring any feeling, I just told my self: Nothing happen, nothing happen, nothing happen.

    Next morning was like nothing happen. I went to work knowing that he wasn't going to be there. That gave me relief. He’s probably on his way to Japan. Once I was at the studio the memory hit me again. My jacket was on the floor, the one I used to cover him while he was sleeping. I grabbed it and put it back on the couch, which also made me have some kind of flash back of him. The rest of the day I distract my self working much harder, even the trainees complain about pushing them harder that afternoon. Until one of them, because of the extra work I put them trough, he twisted his ankle. I reacted immediately when I saw all of them completely exhausted. It was my fault, I push them to hard. We took the trainee to the nurse and dismiss the rest of the class. Why do they have to suffer because of my mistake? I admit that for a while it did work, I forgot about everything and just concentrate on the dance, but now everything came back again.

    During the next couple of day, I avoid as much as I could the thought of that moment. When part of my memory betray me, I immediately did something to distract myself. But then, there was something I needed information from Taemin, something we didn’t quite finish that last night he was here, and now I need it to contact him for that information. I debate whether to contact him or not, to get that information. For sure I might get fire if I don’t get it, but after two day of postponing it, I finally send him a text message. 

Good morning Sunbae,

I needed to ask you about the routine for the final presentation.

Do you have a choreography in mind?

My text was plain polite and simple, directly to the point. It was the first time I was getting in touch with him since he left. And just waiting for his answer made me nervous. Few minutes later my phone vibrated on my jeans back pocket.

Just take care of it. I have no time to prepare.

He reply. Plain and simple as well. I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe I thought he was going to say something or ask something about “it”. I guess I should be relief. I avoid asking him about the choreography for nothing. But then, why do I feel awkward after his message? I should be relief, I shouldn’t even care, but I feel estrange. 

Next day I began to prepare the new choreography for the final event. That event it’s when the trainees perform in front of a big audience. So, for me to be able to came up with a new routine I begin to watch different music videos on youtube, until I came across a video of Shinee, Taemin’s band. With Taemin been  almost always at the center of the choreography. I found myself smiling at the view of Taemin’s powerful dance.

-Oppa, what are you smiling about?- Hani sat in front of me at the cafeteria. We became good friends. She calls me oppa when we’re outside the class.

-Nothing. It’s just work related.- I say putting the iPad up side down on the table. 

-It must be some work if you’re smiling like that. At least I hope it puts you in a good mood, because lately you’d been kind of an .- She said, immediately she cover when she realize what she just said. -Sorry Oppa- she apologize bowing to me. 

-It’s ok. You’re right. I haven’t feel like myself lately. Sorry about that- 

-Something you would like to talk about. I’m a good listener, you know?-

-I know you are. But it’s ok. I think I’m over it. By the way, I don’t think I ever thank you for your help. Without you I wouldn’t be here.- I told her in appreciation. 

-well, we helped each other. Thanks to your