He was staring across their classroom… both hands dropped on his sides, and both wrapped with bandages… since he came to school, he’s been blank… his friends tried to talk to him… surprised by the way he looked and especially the injury in both of his hands… they asked him if he’s okay but, of what happened…and instead of answering, he just glanced at them and let out a slight smile… he never talked… saving the last strength he had in himself… too drowned by the weariness he’s feeling inside… 

Both eyes were dead… puffy… still, the dark circles under his eyes were clear… and as if he hadn’t faced the mirror for days, leaving his face unshaved… 

As he caught ‘her’ entered their room at the side of his eyes… his gaze immediately turned to her together as he slowly straightened up on his seat… brows curled as he watched her… his lips parted, wanting to call her name… to at least she would look at his direction…

In the end, he dropped his gaze…lashes fluttered in sadness and slightly bit his lower lip as he held himself back… upon seeing the smile on her face… guilt washed over him once again… for sure, if he would call her… if she would look at him… that smile on her face will vanish… and that’s the least thing he could to do her… to take that ‘happiness’ from her… 

His chin trembled… lips curled as again, a wave of sting hit his orbs… for a while, he stared down, staring on his desk… he could hear her voice… such torture to start off his day… he heard her giggles… such music to his ears yet could bring too much heaviness inside his chest… 


‘What happened to us…?’


That same question… he kept asking himself that same question over and over again… and it would always fall that it was his entire fault… not for another reason… and especially, never she did wrong… 

Her gaze landed to him… and just as he thought earlier, the smile on her lips slowly vanished… replacing it with a worried expression on her face… he just looked far from being okay… he was so pale… she couldn’t see his face for he was looking down… 

“He’s been like that since he came”

She heard one of her classmates told her… 

She gasped as she saw his hands wrapped with bandages… it wasn’t like that last night… and upon remembering how she saw the agony in his face last night, her heart quivered as she felt more worried… 
Is ‘she’ not taking care of him…?

Pertaining to his new girl upon seeing the great change in him… 


‘What are you doing to yourself Ji…?’


She asked herself as her forehead creased… holding herself back to approach him and ask him of what’s happening to him… grateful for their professor, for coming before she could not take it and go to Jiyong…

Finding herself watching him… and almost jumped on her seat when he slowly turned to her direction until their eyes met each other… she saw a tinge of surprise from his eyes but soon it was replaced with blankness… and when she clearly saw his face, her heart almost dropped… slightly opened and her brows connected as she felt so worried… but she quickly brushed away her feelings… immediately looked away when she felt herself tearing up by the way he looked at her…


'I must move on now Jiyong...'


While he, could only let out a bitter smile… what was he hoping for…? He thought…

--

Youngbae, together with the other boys watched Jiyong as he continuously stayed in silence… they were in the cafeteria… Seungri tried to talk to him for a couple of times, throwing jokes to at least uplift the atmosphere… but still, Jiyong would only give them faint responses… 

He was staring on his food for quite a while now… and it worried his friends a lot…

“Hyung… what’s wrong with Jiyong hyung..?” Seungri whispered to Youngbae… 

“I also don’t know Seungri-ah…”

Seunghyun finally had enough… it worries him a lot to see his friend being in that state… he wouldn’t even tell them the reason behind it… 

“Jiyong-ah… aren’t you going to eat…? Your food’s turning cold…”

With that, Jiyong finally snapped out from his trance and looked up to them…

“I’m sorry… but… I am not hungry…”

He weakly said… Seungri was about to say something when Youngbae held his arm to stop him…

“But you look so pale… are you sure you’re not hungry…? Just eat at least something…”

Jiyong looked at his friends once again, scanned each of their faces and saw the worry in it… 


‘What am I doing…?’

‘Now I’m causing everyone a problem… pathetic…’


“Arasso…”

He finally grabbed his utensils and started to eat… for a while his friends watched him until they too continued eating…

Jiyong’s eyes suddenly beamed upon seeing a particular food on his plate…

“Dara-ah…babe this is your favo-…”

He was supposed to put his food on the plate beside him when he realized what he just said and was about to do… the others was stopped with what he did… especially Daesung who was beside him… 

Jiyong stiffened on his seat… eyes set on his plate… hand trembling holding on to the chopsticks pointed at Daesung’s plate…

“Ji…-“

Youngbae faintly called him… until suddenly they heard Jiyong laughed and put the food back on his plate and set his utensils down on the table…

“Sorry… I was just…-“

His eyes wandered around, unable to look at them again as embarrassment filled his body…

“I’m full… I should head first…”

He quickly stood up from his seat and got his things… his friends called him… but he quickly walked away and didn’t bother to look back… 

He went directly to the men’s bathroom, locking himself inside one of the stalls… he sat on the toilet as he buried his face on his bandaged hands… after a while he let out a painful groan together with the muffled sobs coming from his throat…

“Dara-ah…” 

He mumbled under his breath… calling for her once again… only to open his eyes and see that she’s not there anymore… 

-- 

Days passed by with him just watching her… keeping himself still in silence… watching her as she laughs with her friends… talks with the people around her… seeing her as she continuously became closer with another guy… and slowly, watching how the distance between them became farther until he realized that everything between them is probably finally over…

As if he couldn’t hear his phone ringing for several times already… as if he didn’t care how many missed calls and messages those have been… as if he didn’t care from whom those were came from… drowning himself watching her every move… as if he has still the right to even look at her…

“Are you okay…?”

He cut classes once again and went directly to the bar he usually went to… he just couldn’t endure more of it…every day would be a torture for him… everyday he would feel himself like dying, just by seeing her with another man… each day he would see her makes him want to grab her and take her back with him… the jealousy he would feel whenever he would see her with Jaejoong… the anger he’s feeling for himself… makes him want to just disappear… after all, it would probably best for all of them… 

He kept himself away from everyone… even from Cl who doesn’t seem to stop from bugging him… killing himself by putting every blame in himself…

His wounds must’ve already healed… but still it doesn’t take away the pain he’s feeling and especially the pain he had inflicted in her… and now that she’s probably over him… she’s probably happy again… he wanted to feel happy for her… she deserved it… but no matter how he tried… he just can’t, especially knowing that her happiness is not with him anymore… and probably it's because of another guy now… 

He glanced to his side and saw his best friend looking at him wearing a worried look on his face… 

He couldn't be this pathetic in front of him... he thought... he knows his friends were all worried about what's happening with him, but how could he hide it if everytime he would see 'her' he just wanted to cry...

He just nodded to Youngbae and turned his gaze back to the glass of alcohol he’s been staring at for half an hour now… slumping on the bar counter still with his silence… 

He heard his friend sighed and felt him sat beside him… 

“Jiyong… is this about Dara..?”

Jiyong’s brow twitched upon hearing her name… felt a pang of pain inside his chest by the mention of it… he gripped on his glass tight, threatening break it in his palm…but he stayed quiet… 

Youngbae saw his obvious reaction… his brows slowly connected as his forehead creased... Dara really is the reason, just as what they all thought... 

“Your phone…”

Jiyong glanced back at him and saw Youngbae looking down on his pocket…

“Aren’t you going to answer it..? It’s been ringing since I arrived…”

Jiyong irritably got his phone… Youngbae saw the name flashing on its screen and knew that it was the woman his friend replaced to Dara… but what surprised him was when Jiyong didn’t even look at it… as if already knowing who it was, instead he turned it off and placed it on the counter beside his glass…

“I don’t know what to do anymore…”

He huskily whispered as he bowed down and buried his face on his arm that’s been resting on the counter… finally he blurted out all of his frustrations… keeping it all in himself made it really painful for him… Youngbae’s brows furrowed more in worry… never did he see his friend looking in pain like this before… 

“I can’t control my ing self from watching her… I feel mad whenever I see her happy… worse, whenever I see her talking with some ing guy…”

Youngbae felt a little alarmed when Jiyong slammed his other fist on the counter… he quickly put his hand over Jiyong’s shoulder, tapping it to make him calm…but Jiyong only got worse as his shoulder trembled and drops of tears started to stream down from his eyes…

“I know… I don’t have even the slightest right to feel this way… I’ve hurt her Bae… I’ve been selfish… I broke everything… I’ve broke her heart… but Bae…-“

Jiyong slowly choked from his tears while Youngbae couldn’t do anything but to watch his friend in despair…

“I still love her… I love her... oh God I love her... I miss her so much Bae… I miss her…”

He looked up to his friend upon whispering those words over and over again... together with the tears that continuously trailed down on his cheeks… he let out a sigh and looked away before he slowly buried his face again on his arm on top of the counter…

“But she won’t even look at me now…”

He added … he bit his lower lip… kept his head down upon imagining her back facing him as she walks away… he just closed his eyes tight, wishing for the image to vanish from his mind… 

‘Can’t I really have you back again Dara-ah…?’