There he was again… confining himself inside his room… drowning himself again with the deafening silence that surrounded him…for his scattered thoughts are enough to drive him out of his sanity, another sound might completely end it for him…he curled like a ball on his bed… staring blankly on the wall…eyes were completely tired… already parched from more tears that he wanted to let out…

“You shouldn’t be like this Ji…if you want her back… you shouldn’t be right here breaking yourself like this…”

Youngbae finally broke out his long silence… such a painful sight seeing his friend in that state… Jiyong stayed looking down…but admitted to himself that his friend’s words struck him like a knife piercing right through him…

Youngbae looked directly at him…with his eyes full of concern… his brows furrowed…he swallowed the lump on his throat as he continued…

“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to punch the hell out of you when I knew what you’ve done to Dara… I just can’t picture in my thoughts what made you do those things to her…you loved her Ji… no, you LOVE her…you’re crazy about her Ji…she’s the only woman for you… and I’m glad you still know it in yourself...”

Youngbae nodded on his words upon recalling what Jiyong had been repeating a while ago…

Jiyong’s jaw clenched…as tears had been threatening to escape his eyes once again…

What’s the use of acknowledging it just now…?

What’s the use of repeating it over and over again…?

What’s the use of calling her name as loudest as his voice can…?

If everything for them seems to be all too late… if all her wounds had already been mended…if there’s already someone to give her the happiness that she deserves…if the distance between them continuously grew… and if her heart doesn’t beat for him anymore…

Just thinking of those things makes his heart sink… and now hearing every word from his friend just wanted him to add up the heaviness he’s already feeling himself… slowly torturing… killing himself…

“Seeing you like this… You probably deserve all this pain you’re feeling right now…but Jiyong… you can’t be like this…”

Finally, Jiyong carried his gaze back towards his friend… wearing a baffled look on his face, he waited for Youngbae’s next words.

“Because you should know also in yourself that she loved you…and no… that she, loves you Jiyong…”

He stared at Youngbae for a while before he frantically shook his head and looked away…

“After all I did… I’m sure… she hates me…”

He stuttered… his voice trailing away in despair…

Youngbae sighed, pushing himself closer to Jiyong and rested a hand on his friend’s shoulder…

“Are you pushing yourself to think that in order to feed that guilt in you…? Why…? You’re the one breaking yourself… you’re inflicting pain to your own self… why…? Do you think it would pay up to those heartaches that you caused her…? Do you think you would be forgiven just by killing yourself like that…?”

Jiyong immediately snapped his gaze back to his friend… wearing an astonished look on his face… his pupils dilated until after awhile, his expression twisted back in agony…

“What do you want me to do huh..? Pester her now that she’s happy…? Suddenly barged in and cause her more pain…? I can’t do anything right… I’ve hurt her… and it’s not that easy to just tell her to go back to me…I don’t even deserve her or even her forgiveness now…”

He looked down between them… lips were trembling…shaming himself of the things he had done… killing the last pride he has for himself…

Youngbae shook his head…tightened his hold on Jiyong’s shoulder to make his friend look up to him…

“Talk to her Ji…you already made a mistake of letting her go, now please don’t add up to that mistake of not trying to get her back now… don’t let this chance slip away that would make you regret again…both of you have been hurt already…”

Jiyong’s dried lips parted as he let out a deep sigh…

“But I am afraid she won’t listen to me anymore…”

It came out almost a whisper… had the hardest time to let out that fear… thinking to himself how far they are now to each other… that even a simple conversation seemed to be too impossible to happen now.

“Would that be more frightening than completely losing her Ji…?”

Youngbae said with a slight smile… Jiyong’s expression as he looked at his friend was unreadable…as words started to get trapped in his throat… as his tears finally stopped… and as he felt hope gloomed inside his heart…


“How could I let you go just like that…?”

His voice echoed the four corners of his room…

He pushed himself up and tiredly sat down on his bed looking over his clock… it’s already past nine in the evening… he sighed, pulling himself out of his bed as he went to his bathroom…

He looked at his reflection in the mirror…head was still throbbing from the lack of sleep… he let out a low laugh…

“God… I look pathetic…”

As if it’s his first seeing himself at such state… dark circles under his dead eyes… paled face and cheeks that are almost boring itself holes because of how thin he looked like…

“It’s not even a month yet… but look at you now…”

He continued talking with himself… playing with his sanity… hoping for the guy before him would answer him back… at least tell him to wake up… at least tell him that he’s only making a fool out of himself…

He paid one last glance on his reflection, a bitter smile crept on the side of his lips before he dragged himself on the tub of his bathroom… filling it with water… he fished through the pocket of his pants… looking for his phone…

Looking like a drunk man, he groggily sunk himself in the tub… not minding taking off his clothes… not minding the ice-cold water that felt like needles piercing through his skin…

He held up his phone… smiled to himself as he got welcomed by ‘her’ face…

The water continued to flow... pouring out from the tub… starting to flood his bathroom…

“I can’t lose you again… I just can’t… I’m sorry…”

May it’ll be more painful for her than the first time he had hurt her… may it would cause her to hate him than to love him again… may her happiness vanish because of him… he would take any chance…

‘I’m just a one selfish person…’

With his trembling hand, he punched in the speed dial… weakly put the phone against his ear… he supported himself on the side of the tub…

His lips parted when he heard the other line rang…

His heart started to race when he heard another one…

And his eyes started to water when he heard it rang one last time before it went off…

His eyes blinked for a couple of times… the tears back… he almost dropped his phone not until a smile crept on his lips…

“You must’ve accidentally pressed off…”

Chuckling to his own assumption… pulling the phone away from him as he extended his arm out of the tub…

“Clumsy as ever…”

Chuckling to himself… only for a tear to escape the side of his eye… soothing himself with his lies just to hide the odds that she doesn’t want to hear from him again…

Slight sobs escaped his throat… as he looked over his phone… resting his head on top of the tub’s edge…

“Don’t you really want to hear me again…?”

--
She heard her phone rang for a couple of times before it went off… too late for her to pick it up when the battery of her phone went off…

She looked at it… pursed her lips in wonder who would call her late at night… until a thought brushed her mind… she could only smile to herself…

‘Stop deceiving yourself Dara… why would he…? If right now he’s probably busy talking and listening to ‘her’…’